Guilt over Thriving anyone?

V

VioletHart

Does anyone struggle with guilt over having a great life after abuse?

I'm in a really great place but one of my siblings is kinda stuck in a viscous cycle with my FoO and other sibling revealed some disturbing info about our FoO who they are still very close with that was concerning to me. They downplayed it as nothing but I thinking "that's pretty bad" and had me question whether they were downplaying as a way to numb themselves from the reality.

It's pretentious of me, I think to feel like I need to save them because neither of them have communicated being unhappy, but one sibling has been in and out of psych wards for a decade and I don't think they can see the cycle clearly.

I have next to no contact with my FoO because of the f*ckery other than occasional chat with one sibling but there's some dissonance there as they are very enabling of FoO (maybe to downplay, maybe pride, maybe they truly don't see a problem, idk) and I'm more like i see the BS for exactly what it is and acted accordingly.

Its served me very well to separate from my FoO. I'm thriving!

...and then sometimes there's a feeling like I have abandoned my siblings to live around my mentally unstable parents. We're all adults with one having my mother as their legal guardian because of the situation (that's another horror story). My other sibling maintains a relationship by choice, but I find myself still sometimes wondering if I could do more, but if I'm being honest I don't want to right now because it's absolutely crazy making and I been down that road and it was disastrous...what road is paved with good intentions? Exactly. Samuel Johnson couldn't have been more on point.

...but then there's a thought that I'm contributing to the cycle perpetuating.

Has anyone experienced this?
 

Muttly

MyPTSD Pro
Yes, I have very much experienced that. It's a hard feeling. I'm not sure if I've really dealt with it. I think I've probably mostly repressed the feeling.

...but then there's a thought that I'm contributing to the cycle perpetuating.

No, you are not. I guess I have worked through this part. You are being abusive or dysfunctional to them. So you aren't contributing. And you are modeling that an alternative is possible. That's healthy for you and for them.

but I find myself still sometimes wondering if I could do more, but if I'm being honest I don't want to right now because it's absolutely crazy making and I been down that road and it was disastrous...what road is paved with good intentions?

Yes. It's crazy making. And if they don't want the help or aren't able to contribute to the help, it's futile.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
yup. in spades. in my own psychotherapy sessions that guilt has been called, savior syndrome, survivor's guilt and a host of other names that will come to me after i quit trying to remember. when i ran away from my birth family at the old age of 16, i left 6 younger siblings and a disabled older sibling behind and to this day i feel like i could and should have saved them by ? ? ? whatever means necessary? their lives as adults and the growth of their children have been painful to watch. rescue still needed. i'm the "rich aunt" of the family and still feel helpless to help. their "rich aunt" is not on welfare, but she ain't uncle sam, either.

i cope with continual reality checks on just how much a 16 year old child or even a 67 year old "rich aunt" can do to change this insidious family cycle. it isn't much, but it is what i have to work with.

gentle empathy on the difficulties of the syndrome.
 
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