Had a bad day today - Does anyone else have a hard time controlling their anger?

[JSAEH01]

I was driving when some guy almost hit my car. I was trying to get something to eat and he was going to the same place as me so we ended up in the same parking lot. He got out of his car because he thought I was following him but I just was trying to get some food. He started yelling at me calling me names and I rolled my window down and started yelling back. I said a lot of awful things and my anger got the best of me in that moment and I almost put my life at risk. In the moment I didn't care though and I felt like I was defending myself. I feel lucky things didn't get worse. I've already been to jail once for fighting since my trauma. Does anyone else have a hard time controlling their anger?

 

[StillPen]

Not much advice, as I turn my anger inward 99% of the time, but I do read about explosive anger being a classic symptom of PTSD here on the forum. So, know you are not alone. I wish you luck in finding positive coping skills to help you manage it.

 

[arfie]

i do and it all to often explodes with a sudden ferocity that i can no more stop than i can put a plug in a volcano. turning my anger inward has a similar effect to what i imagine would happen if i was able to put a plug in a volcano. the pressure builds and results in an even bigger boom.

way back when people were smarter than their phones, i participated in anger management workshops. those workshops are still around and i highly recommend them. in my case, the explosions are still happening, but i am getting quicker to catch and remediate them, including amends to whomever was in the path of my explosion. making amends is second only to anger channeling in terms of the anger management tools i most rely on. taking the time and humility to make amends gets it through my thick, volatile head that this is NOT okay. my outbursts cause unacceptable levels of collateral damage.

anger channeling is my most important tool. identifying the source of my current anger and channeling it into benign channels addresses and vents the issues at their source. vigorous physical workouts are my number one channel. when my anger is especially fierce and targeted, i might add visual aids such as a picture of whom or what i am angry with.

but that is me and every case is unique.
steadying support while you find what works for you. you are not alone.

 

[EveHarrington]

Sometimes yes.

A few months ago a guy got out of his car and screamed at me because he believed I “stole” his parking space. I just did a “pull through” and he wasn’t even close anyway as he had crossed over the lot instead of driving down the lanes. Normally I’d yell back but in that moment I just stared at him and I got such a satisfaction in knowing that he didn’t get a ride out of me as he desired. Chances are if I was a man he wouldn’t have said a damn thing. Sometimes these assholes just want to put women in their place.

Actually, when he went into the store I moved my car across the lot as I was afraid he’d key my car or something. Plus, if he came right back out he’d see the space was empty and possibly get more pissed off that I was perhaps just ducking with him.

 

[Friday]

It used to hands down be my biggest/worst problem/solution. For years. Took me a helluva long time to even want to learn to manage it, because it worked for me, in my life, where I was at the time. Ditto, I got in a rather a lot of fights. That was a bonus, though, in the crowd I was running with; instead of something I’d go to jail for.

Once it started getting in my way, I learned that without those explosive releases? I was seriously f*cked. As, in addition to being an out of control response, it was also managing my stress cup for me.

So I not only had to learn to manage my anger, I had to find new ways to manage my stress without the “I needed that!” Ditto, in time, all of my other nuclear coping mechanisms.

f*ck it
Fight it
Make it go Faaaaster (thrill seeking)
Get f*cked Up

^^^ When I’ve reached the point I’m either reaching for, or finding myself eyeballs deep, in any of those 4? I am seriously off the reservation.

Looked at purely as a problem, though, and not the way I was using it to blow off steam?

What worked for me in intitially learning how to control my anger (beyond cool it, coil it, save it for later… which is what fueled those explosive reactions later)… was throwing glassses.

I bought a freaking pallet of restaurant glassware, and every time I was about to lose my temper, I marched my happy ass out to the garage/shed, and threw glasses at a wall until I felt better. As long as I was home? That was a grand total of maybe 8 seconds between BOOM! <hit with rage> and RELIEF. ((Out & About didn’t see any real change in my behavior, for quite a while longer.))

Over time it built in a pause, so that I was no longer reacting, but acting. It gave me choices. Whether it was throwing glasses, or going for a run, or working on the heavy bag, calling up a sparring partner, taking a cold shower, going for a swim, whatever? It put me back in control. I got to direct where/how/when I acted. Instead of operating purely on instinct, with no space for thought between stimulus & (over!)reaction.

 

[Freddyt]

Over time it built in a pause, so that I was no longer reacting, but acting.

This ^^^^^

It's all part of "the dark and tangled" underneath my trauma. That and its natural. Trauma changes your brain so the part that acts to save you when threatened, is the part all your input goes through. So lots of natural reaction does what? Releases adrenaline and skews thinking toward anger. Lovely combination ain't it?

It's part of where my PTSD lies to me. The Pause? Is time to rationalize before anger. Should I really be angry? Is it worth being angry over?

Not to say you wont still want to:

f*ck it
Fight it
Make it go Faaaaster (thrill seeking)
Get f*cked Up

My favourite used to be my motorcycle - 220 KMH on the freeway - fed both monsters at once, anger and hyper vigilance....(it's gone now...the motorcycle that is, anger and hypervig still live here.....)

My wife knows about my anger, and knows I may walk away and/or be irrationally angry at times. So do others close to me, because its my PTSD, not me at some point.

But....I'm working on it.........

 

[whiteraven]

Does anyone else have a hard time controlling their anger?

Oh yeah. It's a little bit better than it used to be--I started trying to understand *why* I was angry, and I finally figured out that no one cares what I think or how I feel, so now there is less of interest in expressing my anger. Sometimes it gets the best of me, though, and I came to understand it happens when I feel dismissed in some way. That can be *very* subtle--and it's taken me a long time to come to an understanding about that.

 

[enough]

yep. I have a mental image of keeping it all in, keeping it contained in a thin skinned sphere like a balloon except solid and having a mass to it. I try to keep it contained, balanced, away from sharp objects or careless people but inevitably it breaks the bounds and gushes out in all directions. And caring if I hurt someone or look a fool or endanger my life isnt even a thought I entertain, the only thing I see are problems to be solved, problems i tried to keep away from my balancing act to no avail. They must be solved and what better time than now, I mean hey, this is going to be messy and i have a mess going already so fling the excrement at the AC, its time to solve this problem and be done.

No luck in ever controlling it, unless you count the times I have avoided the people that seem bent on bursting the bubble. Still a bubble, still a mess when it breaks open, still a danger to me and anyone that causes a rupture.

 

[enough]

got out yesterday. People drove up my driveway, past several private road signs, were headed to my parking area behind my house before they realised they were headed into a private space ( picnic table, swingset, tractors and camper and no visible exit) and stopped, almost backed into a fence, and then rolled down the window and asked for directions to a christian school that sits on the same hwy i live on but in the next county. Get a phone and learn to use it. Pay attention to private property signs. Learn to back up your car using mirrors. Dont assume that a smile and sharing that you are a christian will make me treat you with respect. And to be quite honest I strongly suspect that asking for directions to a christian school was a planned excuse for driving up driveways looking for signs of young children to recruit for your vacation bible school next summer, or to start conversations with potential recruits to your particular brand of religion, every christian is a potential mormon and vice versa after all.
Yes. I harbor resentment and will unload on people that come poking this bear. I hope I scared them enough to tell their friends and warn them away, but I know some of them take my anger as a challenge sent to them by god himself. I hope they arent stupid enough to say so, cause I have a challenge i would present them if they do.

yep, pretty angry. I once had a guy try to elude the cops up my driveway with 4 cops right behind him and 2 more shortly after. 6 cars for 2 hours. When my kids went to school on monday, the children of the local gossip committee asked them what i was arrested for!

 

[Sideways]

A lot of folks with ptsd have trouble with anger, and unfortunately, don't seek support for it because of the shame they feel about their angry outbursts.

If it helps? This issue is very ptsd. It warrants professional help getting things back on track in the same way as any other symptom.

 

[Freddyt]

A lot of folks with ptsd have trouble with anger, and unfortunately, don't seek support for it because of the shame they feel about their angry outbursts.

True enough. Those were the "standing beside myself wondering what the #$*%@! is wrong with you?" moments...........

Mine tied to a lot of frustration. Must be an awful lot of it because reprocessing has been taking a loooonnnng time.....

 

[enough]

@Sideways
just what does treatment look like? Do they give you t shirts to wear and stickers and such that warn people not to be ass hats around us?
Is there a drug that makes us forget all of the hard knocks that have schooled us into a masters level degree of distrust and cynicism?
I think the best I can do is to realize I have anger issues and do my level best to avoid situations that might make it harder to keep it to myself. A group of people like me in a room talking about things we are all trying to keep to ourselves sounds like a bad idea, and frankly, my anger scares therapists, I keep it to myself.
So really, what does it look like? What more can I do besides just repressing it just like everybody else? More anger, better repression, wheres the solution if that isnt it?