Had A Flashback And Dissociated On Sunday After Seeing My Rapist

[ernie 45701]

I had a flashback and I Dissociated on Sunday when I saw my rapist in the Physical Therapy section of the Nursing Home that my Mom is currently in. He was there for a Church Service. My rapist has used Religion as his trying to prove that he's a changed man. Well it don't work that way with me. I see him as an Authoritarian Control Freak. And he has molested kids in the past he was on parole for that when he was raping me. His ex-girlfriend and her Mom say that my rapist is a changed man but I don't believe that for one second. He was controlling and he wanted to rule every aspect of my life. He claimed that he was my brother and he wanted me to become my payee. He told the bank teller that he was my brother and she didn't believe that for a second. Neither did I. I wanted to say something then but he was raping me each and every night and he threatened me,my family and my friends if I ever ever told a soul.
Ernie 45701

 

[Artista]

Well... your natural safefty net works I see. How could you not be triggered?! So sorry. Hard and unexpected I bet.

I hear the aloneness in your situation... isolated. He took away from you safe feelings and having him there was another violation of that in some ways, especially since it is where your mother is. I understand how that can feel and I think I would have a very difficult time believing my attackers were "changed', yet for him to be right there for you to see must be agonizing... wrenching. I would find out when Church Services are held and be in control of when you see him if possible.

Take heart. Sounds as though you have control now of your life... you are older and can safely be assertive where you could not as a young one. I am so sorry you have to deal with him at times!!! Some days it feels there are soulless people walking the earth. Yet I still believe we can overcome them.

 

[Seneca]

Something stood out to me. You said you "dissociated on Sunday," and it was after seeing your rapist. The fact that the dissociative episode stands out as something unusual, and it took an obviously distressing event to trigger it, says to me that you're healing.

Just a thought. I dissociate every day, and without a good reason.