I walked out of god knows how many lives.
And when I try for one I was happy in, it's again over before I could get started.
I don't even know why I bother trying to date, anymore.
Breakups with almost a no announcement shouldn't feel this awful.
I shouldn't be too wuss to ask direct (but I am, more worried the dear will suicide, I can't f*cking risk that for my stupid curiosity like that.)
I'm feeling super guilty about not protecting them from their own issues, and my dark, better.
There was no abuse. The complete f*cking opposite. But I talked to them about work, non descript, because they did similar ones, a good long before.
And they were someone I ran to after something went colossally wrong, goddamn Tennyson.
((Nah, I ain't explaining that line.))
And I just... it's too f*cking much.
I never should have talked to them.
Not even as a You sure you want to date the mess my life is???
I thought of talking to a hotline, but my ability to speak is lost in ghosts, blood, other countries, and trying to ignore every memory of people who told me I'll never be happy as enemy propaganda.
Also because the above darling told me to do precisely that for a few years.
And f*ck me, not even sure what kinda responses I'm wanting. Not too good with words on up close, me.
Also sorry for bitching in that many threads, lately. I'm trying to not f*ck off to somewhere unmanageably stupid.
And when I try for one I was happy in, it's again over before I could get started.
I don't even know why I bother trying to date, anymore.
Breakups with almost a no announcement shouldn't feel this awful.
I shouldn't be too wuss to ask direct (but I am, more worried the dear will suicide, I can't f*cking risk that for my stupid curiosity like that.)
I'm feeling super guilty about not protecting them from their own issues, and my dark, better.
There was no abuse. The complete f*cking opposite. But I talked to them about work, non descript, because they did similar ones, a good long before.
And they were someone I ran to after something went colossally wrong, goddamn Tennyson.
((Nah, I ain't explaining that line.))
And I just... it's too f*cking much.
I never should have talked to them.
Not even as a You sure you want to date the mess my life is???
I thought of talking to a hotline, but my ability to speak is lost in ghosts, blood, other countries, and trying to ignore every memory of people who told me I'll never be happy as enemy propaganda.
Also because the above darling told me to do precisely that for a few years.
And f*ck me, not even sure what kinda responses I'm wanting. Not too good with words on up close, me.
Also sorry for bitching in that many threads, lately. I'm trying to not f*ck off to somewhere unmanageably stupid.