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Happier Chickflick Moments Just Don't Come Here

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Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
I walked out of god knows how many lives.

And when I try for one I was happy in, it's again over before I could get started.

I don't even know why I bother trying to date, anymore.

Breakups with almost a no announcement shouldn't feel this awful.
I shouldn't be too wuss to ask direct (but I am, more worried the dear will suicide, I can't f*cking risk that for my stupid curiosity like that.)

I'm feeling super guilty about not protecting them from their own issues, and my dark, better.

There was no abuse. The complete f*cking opposite. But I talked to them about work, non descript, because they did similar ones, a good long before.

And they were someone I ran to after something went colossally wrong, goddamn Tennyson.

((Nah, I ain't explaining that line.))

And I just... it's too f*cking much.
I never should have talked to them.
Not even as a You sure you want to date the mess my life is???

I thought of talking to a hotline, but my ability to speak is lost in ghosts, blood, other countries, and trying to ignore every memory of people who told me I'll never be happy as enemy propaganda.

Also because the above darling told me to do precisely that for a few years.

And f*ck me, not even sure what kinda responses I'm wanting. Not too good with words on up close, me.

Also sorry for bitching in that many threads, lately. I'm trying to not f*ck off to somewhere unmanageably stupid.
 
people who told me I'll never be happy as enemy propaganda.
They were wrong.

There's been happiness, and there will be again. It isn't a constant state of being, no matter how many episodes of Friends suggest otherwise. There's happiness and sadness. Feeling one, means there are times that we will feel the other.

Right now? It's painful, and that's an indication that this was something important to you, not that it was something you should never have done.

I haven't noticed you bitching. Frankly, if you've just had an important relationship come to an end, then now's a reasonable time to bitch.

Try finding a way to let it out - wherever that feels safe. It doesn't have to be coherent, or even reasonable. It's an exercise in allowing different emotions to have the space they need when they come up, so that they can come and go appropriately.
 
Important question, because I do genuinely care, Ro: do you feel safe?

How do you mean? Cough, because genuinely want to grok it / answer right.

As in I guess I'm okay.

Multiple things going round the day that would probably blip as 'not safe' to (civ) people, but that's annoyances/expected/more macho posturing bs, not a risk.

So yeah, good enough ((cough, the translate of *that* be No one tried to kill me today. As said, just bullshitters.))

If you mean self harm and all, yeah I'm safe. I'm not gonna hurt me / too many are my responsibility to do that.

I'm more trying to sit down the f*ck It response.

As in f*ck It and live dark a few years, doing god knows what. Because what I'm doing is not Challenge Enough to prove to myself I'm not as big a f*ckup as I feel.
 
If you mean self harm and all, yeah I'm safe.
Yeah, this is what my (civ) brain was going for :)
I haven't noticed you bitching. Frankly, if you've just had an important relationship come to an end, then now's a reasonable time to bitch.

Try finding a way to let it out - wherever that feels safe. It doesn't have to be coherent, or even reasonable. It's an exercise in allowing different emotions to have the space they need when they come up, so that they can come and go appropriately.
And seconding @Sideways here.
No notice of bitching.
In fact, I'm just grateful that you've been able to let us know (some of) what's going on, Ro.
 
That’s me. From the heart. And that’s tough
Would hug for real if that’s ok.

I dig your tough heart, Chicken. ;)

Yeah I would hug you too.

Gawdamn complicated response about that because right now, my head is still at *run as fast as far you can and don't even think of endangering anyone else more*... and that doesn't go with hugging, but I also trust you to take care of yourself which means hug & tell the fricking clock or pull a mate down, I can still be useful even if doing bs vulnerability to people instead of sensible things like staying the f*ck out.

... again too many words & all them wrong. :banghead: (Yay, banging heads still works team wise :D)
 
An important relationship came to an end, and you feel pain, grief... and you know what? That is progress. You took a risk, you have grown along the way, and you are reaching out in the pain even when it feels like words fail you. This is not the end. It's a step forward. I know it doesn't feel that way at all right now. Breakups hurt. My heart goes out to you.
 
Still planning to be back to this, just emotionality on it bit on standby as I'm still trying to verify with them if they're safe.

So definitely not ignoring all y'all. Just my head at a different priority.
 
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