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Harsh truths you now see because of ptsd

Discussion in 'General' started by AddHomnym, Sep 13, 2017.

  1. AddHomnym

    AddHomnym Active Member

    No. This isn't a pleasant topic but we ignore the negative at our own peril.

    What are some things that PTSD confirmed about your less-pleasant opinions of people and life; or, conversely, did PTSD show you new ugly truths in the behaviour of others, or just how damn unfair the universe can be?

    One ugly realization for me was how my co-workers resented me for being good at my job. Not even a brag. I simply paid my dues, watched and learned, and worked my ass off. I always tried to school newbies and lead by example. I loved to teach and pass down wisdom. I'm at that age where I feel like I've done enough to be considered Wise. Ok maybe that's a bit of a brag.

    Now I know my coworkers hated me for it. Every memory now has the colouring of a lie. I have a theory that they also hated me because I showed I was weak. That wasn't allowed in our field.

    This was a vicious moment of realization that knocked me on my ass for months. My team betrayed me and its such a raw f*cking nerve. Ugh.
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  3. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    People only care THAT you are alive, not about quality of life.

    I want to give a big f*ck you to society for assuming that I should f*cking love my shit-ass life and simply be happy to be alive no matter how much life sucks.
    Kopykat, LoveTea, Supervixn and 11 others like this.
  4. 420kitty

    420kitty Well-Known Member

    It (ptsd) showed me that I was too nice and trusting. I want to help people that cannot be helped. That only the assholes and cold-hearted in life get ahead. It also showed me I am worth a lot more than I think.
    I'm having one of those nights also.
  5. Muted

    Muted I'm a VIP Premium Member

    I think there's a difference between showing weakness and being real. Most people aren't real enough or honest enough to show they're 'weaknesses'.

    Something I've learned from working through my trauma and dealing with PTSD that has been eye opening is how much some people trigger my symptoms and no matter how many times I address it, they continue to treat me the same.

    I've also learned to better guard against those who trigger me. I've learned coping mechanisms to help, but it surprises me that some of the people who are suppose to care most about me seem to listen to me the least. Some people aren't safe for me to be around.
  6. The Albatross

    The Albatross Product of decisions rather than circumstances Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I see how to navigate life adversity as mandatory for everybody.
    Sietz, Supervixn, DharmaGirl and 5 others like this.
  7. Tornadic Thoughts

    Tornadic Thoughts I'm a VIP

    It eventually showed me that even though we're surrounded by others, we truly are alone (all-one) in this game called life.

    It showed me that my health is my greatest true wealth in life, only of course after it had completely ruined it for several decades and knocked me on my ass, being damn near bed ridden for quite some time until I found my way out of it.

    It showed me those assumed to be nurturing/kind/upstanding citizens can be some of the most vile and sick people in this world.

    It showed me some of the most harshly judged people, based on societal acceptance standards, can be some of the most loving and kind individuals one can ever meet.

    It showed me how to take back my life from the hands of those who were only guessing how to help me so they could better fit me into their desired molds.

    It showed me the depths of the ongoing fictional bullshit I was raised to beLIEve in and made to practice during my childhood.

    It showed me no matter how honest you are, and no matter how much documentation you have to prove wrongdoings, there's always someone who can override that info, make your life a living hell, and still do whatever the f*ck they please.

    It showed me how incredibly unhealthy our supposed health care system/food system/education system/and many other systems we are made dependent on truly are.

    It taught me how to be my own best advocate in order to finally be able to enjoy any quality of life, and how to kindly not take anyone's shit, no matter their titles or labels.

    It showed me how to flip the script and re-learn how to own the life that was taken from me at a young age. I do have control, but only over myself.
  8. AddHomnym

    AddHomnym Active Member

    I love this. Someone trots out a story about a deaf/mute parapalegic with cancer and I'm supposed to be grateful I can hear and walk. I am grateful. Duly noted. Can we now talk about my crippling mental illness for even just a few seconds without someone telling me how "good" I have it?

    The moment you stop being useful to people and it dawns on them they may have to do some heavy lifting for you, they ARE GONE.

    My former supervisor is living proof that only human dogshit succeed. Ruthless. Lying. Two faced. While butter wouldn't melt in her mouth....

    Being nice gets you nowhere. All you are is a novelty. "Aww look, Susie is such a kind person. She brightens up my day" says the human vampire the next cubicle over sowing misery wherever they go. Meanwhile Susie makes middle-management at best and gets shit on by her staff and condescended to by her superiors.

    I have found strengths since my disagnosis but most of the time I'm too exhausted to appreciate them.

    This is my mother defined. Only family I have so can't avoid. She plays with my sickness like a Toby
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2017
  9. AddHomnym

    AddHomnym Active Member

    Where to begin with this:

    Always felt this way. PTSD made that crystal clear.

    My mind my greatest asset. I lived in my head. I loved to think. Now it's just a f*cking wasteland.

    This x1000000. The "saints among us" seldom care for anything but keeping up that rep. Humans are exercise machines on which they work their egos.

    I have more respect and a desire to help the homeless, which I did years ago, as well as horribly traumatized kids. The homeless truly appreciate small things and the kids, minus their instinctive hustling, are the only honest people on earth. But you have to earn it.

    I'm not here yet. But I see this happening around me.

    I could talk about this for hours. I'll spare you. Suffice it to say I agree.

    This x100000000 if you're a man.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2017
  10. The Albatross

    The Albatross Product of decisions rather than circumstances Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Hmmm... " Being nice gets you nowhere". It ain't where it "gets" you... it's a choice. But hey, your life/my life ... your choice/my choice. And that's just for starters but I am par boiling my eggplant and may be back later.
    Bearlinda, DharmaGirl, Ronin and 3 others like this.
  11. AddHomnym

    AddHomnym Active Member

    Agreed. But one can only be shit on and abused for so long. I'd much rather be nice and kind to others. But they consistently ruin it. I'm not going to be kind and understanding to a bear trying to maul me.
  12. The Albatross

    The Albatross Product of decisions rather than circumstances Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    Agree with the "agreed" but beyond that there is a whole lot of stuff going on beyond you're "topic". Be back later.
    Rain likes this.
  13. Beans

    Beans Well-Known Member

    When pple have issues with being "too nice," ime, they usually are being nice in order to get something (love/approval) or equating being nice with having no boundaries. You can be nice, kind, friendly, all that and firmly say no. Being nice doesn't mean allowing people to walk all over you and abuse you.

    No judgement, btw, this is coming from a self aware codependent lol that works hard to catch this behavior.
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