Have to go to sleep but can't


Ok I have a problem right now.

It's 3.40am on my planet side and I need to sleep because I have things to do tomorrow and had sleep issues since 4. But I just can't. I don't know what to do

I had a great day, having a life victory but I can't let the day ends by going to sleep. I really really need it


I called a my-country line for help.

Since my situation is very complex to explain even more for an anxious sleep deprived autist it took half a hour to explain but I mainly managed to.

Since I have no huge responsibility things to do today (3rd August) I decided to not sleep for the moment (so I maybe can trick my brain into make it believe I take my meds and prepare to sleep go to sleep but with no intention to sleep and successfully manage to sleep)

Please brain don't read what I just wrote

So I'm not going to sleep. No I'm not. I'm taking my meds and do like I'm going to sleep but I won't sleep I promise

Yes I take meds and do everything like I'm going to sleep but I'm not going to sleep believe me.


I’ve only been able to sleep on command once in my entire life (for a little over a year). It was a side effect of a medication I was taking for ADHD. Sooooooo many lovely side effects of that med, but being wide awake, deciding I wanted to get up early, so should go to bed now… and 15 minutes later be sound asleep?!? I can’t even describe how mindblowing that was. Almost as nice was being able to wake up, without an emergency, exactly when I set my alarm.

Usually, it takes me 1-3 hours to fall asleep, and (without an emergency, or sleeping until I wake up, with no alarms) 60-90 minutes to wake up.

PTSD has only made ^that^ enrie situation/baseline MUCH worse.

- Insomnia jags mean I’ll only sleep twice a week (at most, often less), or take 9+ hours to fall asleep, or can’t sleep longer than 10-20 minutes or so… for weeks and months at a time.

- 4am becomes my witching hour… I am ALWAYS wide awake at 4am. Even if I only fall asleep at 330, and haven’t slept for days. So I have to change my schedule around, when my PTSD is piping up, so that I’m either planning on getting up at 4, or planning on going to bed after 4.

- Nightmares & other “fun” 🤨

Such a strange thing, sleep.


It took me a hour to fall asleep. Brain got anxious when I was ready to fall asleep. I kept lying to it that I was just resting not trying to sleep. I did it several times in the past so maybe it learned from this times.

It's the first time in years I had to play metaphorical chess against it. So it's important I report it to my therapist.

I found a medication that allows me to fall asleep easily but it's not a hard medical drug. It doesn't force my sleep it allows me to reach sleep when I want it.

I didn't fought sleep because some childish reason it was a hard psychological problem going on.

Going to sleep sounds like a death sentence to me sometimes

Guess heavy heart surgery at 4 has consequences on the mind for a lifetime


Conclusion: I slept 5h after battleling to fall asleep for 1h. Had a very disturbing nightmare and my first appointment is in 30 minutes