Sexual Assault Having a rapist reach out to you and your workplace...

A

Anyone else

So about 5 years ago I was raped by someone I had believed to be a friend for about 3 years. I am type 1 diabetic and my numbers dropped terribly low I asked for help and was instead taken advantage of. Since then he would show up to my places of work...likely because I wouldn't make a scene if I was at work. This year it escalated drastically when he started emailing my current place of work asking about me, if I was working there, if I managed to make it into work on the anniversary of the day he raped me and etc. Today when I got to work my boss handed me an envelope and inside was a letter that was found in our hotel lobby on the desk that stated if he had the opportunity to rape me again he would...He has been playing the mind games ever since but could easily actually approach me in real life if he wanted to and hasn't for many, many years...I think he is a cowardly opportunist and not any real threat...I hate that he has taken it to my place of work though...this obviously isn't a discussion I ever wanted to have with my boss...I don't know, I guess I am at a loss because I feel like going to the authorities would open up a can of worms and he was a professor at my old college and everyone sided with him back then so I don't really want to open that can of worms...I for the most part don't let him get under my skin anymore....I have gone to therapy and taken EMDR sessions and etc...but him reaching out to my work was really messed up.
 

Friday

Moderator
.I don't know, I guess I am at a loss because I feel like going to the authorities would open up a can of worms
A small / not small benefit of him showing up at your workplace?

Businesses can & do take out restraining orders by the boatload, no questions asked. That’s how people who have been barred from the premises, are removed by police for “trespassing” the next time they show up.

- Your workplace files an order against him
- You can then file, using that order as proof that the man is a threat: Inrealize without a trial I cannot prove he sexually assaulted me, however not only did your place of business have to ban him, for harassing on of their employees, but he also left this letter specifically threatening further assault.

^^^ So the past (and attempting to prove a he said / she said) doesn’t even enter into it. Verifiable behavior right here, right now. Courts LOVE right here, right now, with countless impartial actors.

ETA… If you work in a hotel, you might consider staying there for a few weeks; both until your court order goes through AND so that if he attempts to throw a fit over any of it? He’s not only breaking your order, but also the hotel’s, and the whole thing caught on camera… whilst you’re safely surrounded by allies.
 
A

Anyone else

A small / not small benefit of him showing up at your workplace?

Businesses can & do take out restraining orders by the boatload, no questions asked. That’s how people who have been barred from the premises, are removed by police for “trespassing” the next time they show up.

- Your workplace files an order against him
- You can then file, using that order as proof that the man is a threat: Inrealize without a trial I cannot prove he sexually assaulted me, however not only did your place of business have to ban him, for harassing on of their employees, but he also left this letter specifically threatening further assault.

^^^ So the past (and attempting to prove a he said / she said) doesn’t even enter into it. Verifiable behavior right here, right now. Courts LOVE right here, right now, with countless impartial actors.

ETA… If you work in a hotel, you might consider staying there for a few weeks; both until your court order goes through AND so that if he attempts to throw a fit over any of it? He’s not only breaking your order, but also the hotel’s, and the whole thing caught on camera… whilst you’re safely surrounded by allies.
This is really good to know; I am lucky to have support at work so this is incredibly helpful...thank you.
 
A

Anyone else

Save the letter if you can. It sounds like it might be useful as evidence. (It also makes him sound a little nuts, since it seems to include a confession....)
Yeah, he as been mentally unstable for as long as I've known him. Initially I was more upset that this happened at work and revealed extremely personal information about me to my boss and two of my coworkers who saw the letter...But I now realize how it works to my benefit. After reading responses here I did reach out to the police department today and gave them the letter and explained the whole situation. They say it is pretty good evidence but would still have to tie it to him directly as it is just typed out on a piece of paper that, theoretically, anyone could have written. I think they may try to have me reach out to him and see if he admits to the letter to me so that they can prove it that way...Honestly it's just nice that they took me seriously and have documented the incident and filed an official report...This happened 6 years ago and I never reported it to the authorities...
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry that happened.
And that your work colleagues know of your personal information.
And I'm really pleased the police took you seriously and are trying to help.
There are harrassment laws.
Does your work place have CCTV that the police can view to see if it was him?
 
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