I was raped about 7-almost 8 years ago, and in the aftermath I finally had to start dealing with my CSA experiences. It's been a process with good and horrifying times. Flashbacks about the CSA didn't quite get triggered until few years after my rape. I'd had few over the years, but it was at a time when I didn't quite know what flashbacks were, tried to deal, and ignored them. Few years after I was raped, my childhood abuser(relative) got too old and my parents took him in. He had to stay in my childhood room and sleep in my bed. I remember my mom told me in a Skype call, I was nodding a lot and just agreeing like a ghost through the call. I kept thinking, they are letting him sleep in my room, my bed. The moment I closed the call, I started crying hysterically and couldn't stop flashbacks or crying for what turned out to be like 5 hours(really didn't feel like that much). It's been a long road with ups and downs since then, as I said. The thing is I am having a week that was so rough mentally and with so many problems practically, that it must've pushed that state out of me...The hyper-ptsd state...whatever it's called. When you're all hypervigilant and sensitive and everything feels hard to do and you keep having intrusive thoughts or dissociating or having flashbacks and your body is just in chaos and you go through emotions 20000miles an hour...That vulnerable feeling, like all your skin has been peeled off or something...I don't even know how to describe it, but I've always mostly gotten out of it with time and self-care and more time, and I don't know how to get out of it now...I'm sorry if this is a dumb explanation, my brain feels like a mush, I don't know what to do with myself right now.