Having Trouble Breaking Up With Boyfriend

[canucklady]

I have been struggling with this for a month now. Being in a relationship and going through therapy is too difficult for me. My bf is dealing with his ex, which brings out the worse in him, plus lawyers and stuff. That is triggering me big time. I have talked to my counsellor and she thinks it is a good idea. I am just having a hard time telling my bf that it is not working for me. It is not something he has done, it really is more about me and what I need to do right now. Just when I see him face to face I run out of courage to tell him. I have heard that you shouldn't break up with someone by writing a letter. So how do I get the courage to tell him it is over.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Hey Canucklady,

While I really don't know how to tell you what to do.
I wonder why you can't write a letter, exspecially if you aren't going to "mail" it.
To me it would make more sense to put all your thoughts/feelings/explainations into a well written letter, then you can hand it to him next time, rather than waiting for the courage to blurt it out.

I don't know, maybe I'm just too insensitive... but if you hand him a letter and give him the chance to ask questions or put in his 2-cents... I just don't see anything wrong with it.... you won't forget things you wanted to say because they are in the letter and he can plainly read it.

In my own experience, I had a hard time breaking up with guys with . I hated "saying it" and it always seemed to go on longer than it should have because I didn't want to "do it".

I think the main thing is to be honest do what you feel most comfertable with

Good luck and take care of yourself

 

[anthony]

You answered it CL, courage is honesty.

 

[canucklady]

Broke up tonight

I talked to him tonight. I just blurted it all out. He was surprisingly calm and said he saw it coming. I am relieved that I did it, but also feel so guilty for hurting him. I never thought that being the one doing the breaking up would have such a difficult time as well. I hope he is ok

 

[becvan]

ohh i'm very proud of you! that is so had to do. Give yourself some grieving room too. I know that even when i want to do that and need to do that.. i still greive.

*hugs*

bec

 

[canucklady]

I was the hearbreaker - why do I still hurt

Wow, this is really tough. I am now struggling with whether or not I made the right choice. I never know if I am making the right choice. Does this happen to anyone else? Also the guilt is tremendous. I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and see if he is alright. But I know that would make things worse.

 

[becvan]

Yeah I did that last year.. ended up feeling so guilty i went back.. Finally left him for good a few weeks ago. I don't feel guilty this time. I wore myself out trying to support him and it wasn't until I realized that I had nothing more to give, that made me wake up. Please, do yourself a favour and don't pick up the phone. You left because it was unhealthy for you. That is the best reason in the world.. do not put yourself through additional months of hell for unnessecary guilt and wear yourself completely out.

I know this is hard to do.. but you can do it...

bec

 

[anthony]

CL, I remember those same thoughts years ago now when I was in and out of relationships. I have never actually been dumped, or been the dumper, so the thoughts are normal.