abbynormal1929
Confident
Hi,
I haven't posted here in a while, but a lot has been going on. My wife is pregnant, and I'm excited to be a parent, but there is a lot of stress coming with it. I'm diagnosed with ptsd. My wife has an extensive trauma history, is undiagnosed, but definetly has signs of ptsd. She doesn't trust therapists, or most other people in clinical roles, so she is not being treated.
I was concerned before that she was emotionally abusive, but if she wasn't then, she is now. She tells me I'm being mean if I even want to be in a different room from her, or take a nap, or even do something by myself. I have an open mike that I go and play music at on Saturdays, and she has been talking me out of going, telling me I'm being mean. She yells all of the time, but if I so much as raise my voice if I'm frustrated, I'm scary and mean. She constantly tells me I'm doing things wrong like: house keeping, sex, holding her, loving her daughter from another marriage, always being at work (even though I have to work an second shift job for childcare reasons, knows I would very much prefer to work during the day, and don't have a choice) and uses that to talk me into not going out. If I talking about trying to get a job during the day, and make other arrangements for child care, she snaps at me, and tells me she only trusts me, and a select couple of other relatives to watch her daughter, and that I'm being selfish by wanting to work in the day time. When she's in a good mood she makes fun of me, and tells me I'm being to sensitive. If I try to express to her that I had a bad day, or am feeling down she suggests I have no right to feel depressed because her past trauma was worse than mine. On the same subject, she pretty much scoffs and anyone with a diagnosis of ptsd, whose trauma she doesn't see was as bad as hers. (not that hers wasn't bad, it was really really bad).
I'm also concerned about her mental health in the pregnancy. She keeps saying she cant sleep because she's afraid someone's going to break in and kill all of us (her x mainly), or her first child is gonna wander out the door (daughter has moderate to sever autism), and that she's woken up by night terrors every 2 hours, and that I'm going to get in a car wreck and die, or that she is. She also very firmly refuses to see anybody about mental health matters, but still goes on about how everybody gets medication except for her. She doesn't want to do anything, except be home with me there.
I know all of this is amplified by pregnancy hormones, but she has always done similar things. I feel like I'm starting to lose myself a bit. It's like I'm not allowed to feel good, and if I do I have to feel guilty about it, because my wife is miserable. Sometimes it's gotten to the point to where I worry that she's going to be emotionally abusive to our child in the future.
I'm not even really looking for advice (though feedback is welcome), I've only talked about this with my therapist, and were working on some coping skills like mindfullness, or other DBT related stuff. I just wanted to get it off my chest to people who aren't therapists. I'm doing my best to be supportive, but I'm getting really worn out.
I haven't posted here in a while, but a lot has been going on. My wife is pregnant, and I'm excited to be a parent, but there is a lot of stress coming with it. I'm diagnosed with ptsd. My wife has an extensive trauma history, is undiagnosed, but definetly has signs of ptsd. She doesn't trust therapists, or most other people in clinical roles, so she is not being treated.
I was concerned before that she was emotionally abusive, but if she wasn't then, she is now. She tells me I'm being mean if I even want to be in a different room from her, or take a nap, or even do something by myself. I have an open mike that I go and play music at on Saturdays, and she has been talking me out of going, telling me I'm being mean. She yells all of the time, but if I so much as raise my voice if I'm frustrated, I'm scary and mean. She constantly tells me I'm doing things wrong like: house keeping, sex, holding her, loving her daughter from another marriage, always being at work (even though I have to work an second shift job for childcare reasons, knows I would very much prefer to work during the day, and don't have a choice) and uses that to talk me into not going out. If I talking about trying to get a job during the day, and make other arrangements for child care, she snaps at me, and tells me she only trusts me, and a select couple of other relatives to watch her daughter, and that I'm being selfish by wanting to work in the day time. When she's in a good mood she makes fun of me, and tells me I'm being to sensitive. If I try to express to her that I had a bad day, or am feeling down she suggests I have no right to feel depressed because her past trauma was worse than mine. On the same subject, she pretty much scoffs and anyone with a diagnosis of ptsd, whose trauma she doesn't see was as bad as hers. (not that hers wasn't bad, it was really really bad).
I'm also concerned about her mental health in the pregnancy. She keeps saying she cant sleep because she's afraid someone's going to break in and kill all of us (her x mainly), or her first child is gonna wander out the door (daughter has moderate to sever autism), and that she's woken up by night terrors every 2 hours, and that I'm going to get in a car wreck and die, or that she is. She also very firmly refuses to see anybody about mental health matters, but still goes on about how everybody gets medication except for her. She doesn't want to do anything, except be home with me there.
I know all of this is amplified by pregnancy hormones, but she has always done similar things. I feel like I'm starting to lose myself a bit. It's like I'm not allowed to feel good, and if I do I have to feel guilty about it, because my wife is miserable. Sometimes it's gotten to the point to where I worry that she's going to be emotionally abusive to our child in the future.
I'm not even really looking for advice (though feedback is welcome), I've only talked about this with my therapist, and were working on some coping skills like mindfullness, or other DBT related stuff. I just wanted to get it off my chest to people who aren't therapists. I'm doing my best to be supportive, but I'm getting really worn out.