Death He died in the vehicle…

My husband died in the vehicle while I was taking him to ER. When I close my eyes I see his last gasp his eyes roll and head tip forward. I remember going 100mph while on the the phone with 911 while beating on his chest.
I don’t sleep right I don’t eat right my stomach hurts all the time, I am weak physically and alone with a 8 month old Great Pyrenees/pointer mix and a 10 yr old Lab mix.
 

Charbella

Confident
I’m sorry I can’t even imagine the pain your going through.

Seems your dogs can be a great company. I love mine, they remind me to get out of the house several times a day. Make me do things I don’t always want to.

Can you find a grief group?
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
You know, my kids were almost killed by my ex (not their father). I can still see one of them being hung precariously over an 18 foot drop onto stairs. For years it played on me. Years. I would see it everywhere I went. Feel it constantly. I think they call that intrusive thoughts or flashbacks. OMG the emotions wrapped in with it. My failure to protect them, my making such a poor choice for a husband. The fact that I called them over that night. It was torturous.

I didn't know anything about trauma at the time. I could no longer deal with my heavy load of responsibilities. Suddenly I felt like the village idiot and couldn't function.

Not trying to take over the conversation - just letting you know I can relate. If I had known more about trauma I would have been able to handle the situation much more efficiently.

I did the following after much research....
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) helped me a ton. Find yourself a good practitioner in your area.
Hypnotism - Found a good hypnotist. Sadly, he transferred all of the feelings I had for this situation onto clowns (long story). Then I started having panic attacks over clowns, which was still much better than carrying it with me constantly but not ideal. Maybe a good therapist also understands hypnosis?
I learned how to process emotions and forgive myself for letting it happen in the first place.

If it is any consolation, from my perspective your husband was a lucky man to have the love that he had with you. If I was to die, I would want to know that the person with me cared enough to be doing 100 mph and still try their damnedest to keep me alive until I got the help I needed. We all have to die. It is rare that any of us die with a loved one showing such a deep and loving commitment.

No idea if this is helpful to you at all. If not, please just ignore. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband under such traumatic circumstances.
 
I’m sorry I can’t even imagine the pain your going through.

Seems your dogs can be a great company. I love mine, they remind me to get out of the house several times a day. Make me do things I don’t always want to.

Can you find a grief group?
I have tried to find a grief group locally. I haven’t had luck finding one I feel comfortable in. I just wish I had someone here with me in the house that understands the situation. I’m so used to taking care of someone else and being cared for, I’m lost. All the other family is all out of state. Our dogs exhaust me, though I do love them.

You know, my kids were almost killed by my ex (not their father). I can still see one of them being hung precariously over an 18 foot drop onto stairs. For years it played on me. Years. I would see it everywhere I went. Feel it constantly. I think they call that intrusive thoughts or flashbacks. OMG the emotions wrapped in with it. My failure to protect them, my making such a poor choice for a husband. The fact that I called them over that night. It was torturous.

I didn't know anything about trauma at the time. I could no longer deal with my heavy load of responsibilities. Suddenly I felt like the village idiot and couldn't function.

Not trying to take over the conversation - just letting you know I can relate. If I had known more about trauma I would have been able to handle the situation much more efficiently.

I did the following after much research....
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) helped me a ton. Find yourself a good practitioner in your area.
Hypnotism - Found a good hypnotist. Sadly, he transferred all of the feelings I had for this situation onto clowns (long story). Then I started having panic attacks over clowns, which was still much better than carrying it with me constantly but not ideal. Maybe a good therapist also understands hypnosis?
I learned how to process emotions and forgive myself for letting it happen in the first place.

If it is any consolation, from my perspective your husband was a lucky man to have the love that he had with you. If I was to die, I would want to know that the person with me cared enough to be doing 100 mph and still try their damnedest to keep me alive until I got the help I needed. We all have to die. It is rare that any of us die with a loved one showing such a deep and loving commitment.

No idea if this is helpful to you at all. If not, please just ignore. I am very sorry for the loss of your husband under such traumatic circumstances.
Oh. I am so sorry about your kids. God Bless you and them.
I’ll look into the EFT thing. Ty
 

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
I am so sorry for your loss and this experience, my heart hurts for you. I hope you can find a professional help to assist you with what I would consider a very traumatic event. For the time being, I am glad you found this forum. Maybe being here with those who can relate will give you a small bit of relief.
 
My husband and I are twin flames known one another for many years, only been married since 2/14/2021. My husband is/ was retired as a Navy Chief, service of 21 proud years and you see he had two surgery on his back in 2015 for injuries received when serving two combat tours while in Afghanistan. He has bad knees and elbow issues.
So looking back he had thought this pain was all from his back surgeries.
So… I’d tried to get him to let me call 911 or take him to the ER 45 minutes prior. I tried so hard to convince him. I had gone to get him some aspirin when he said he wasn’t feeling right and when I came back out he was standing in his underwear in the den. I told him I was worried, let me call hospital or take you in now and he just kept saying I’m not ready yet, now please rub my back and I followed him to the bedroom to rub his back. Then he would get up an pace. I asked him when did you have your heart checked ? He looked at me and said …he snapped at me.. I know what a heart attack is my father had seven over the years before he died and I don’t have any symptoms he had… now get over here and rub my back. I did and after five minutes he got up to pace again. I stood in front of him after he sat on the bed and hugged him kissed his lips and he kissed me back. I told him again I was worried and I loved him and began crying as I hugged him to me. He pulled me back and said, looking at me the way he always had, as he wiped my tears…”I’m not going anywhere Baby, I love you, don’t worry, I’m going to be fine”.
About five minutes after he went in to go potty and said get my clothes we need to go to hospital. Then on the way out to the vehicle he had thrown up a couple times and …..100mph…on phone with 911…beating on his chest…
He died 10 minutes prior to me getting him to the ER….
I watched as they worked on him for an hour. I see him die over and over every time I closed my eyes.

I am so sorry for your loss and this experience, my heart hurts for you. I hope you can find a professional help to assist you with what I would consider a very traumatic event. For the time being, I am glad you found this forum. Maybe being here with those who can relate will give you a small bit of relief.
I am hoping so. I haven’t been able to find any help yet that’s why I reached out here. Ty StillPen
 

anthony

Founder
Sorry to hear. It wasn't your fault, based on what you wrote first. You can only do so much, and you drove fast to the hospital, you had 911 on the line helping you and hitting his chest trying to keep blood flowing. You are only one person... the circumstance needed another person to help. It wasn't your fault.
 
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