Sufferer Head trauma from car accident (sorry i ramble)

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I was in a car accident in March of 2020. I don't remember it but the p police report says I ran a red light and a truck, making a left turn, turned into me (front drivers side). I woke up in the hospital after an induced coma two months later. It was during covid so I could have no visitors. My sister was my next of kin and calling all the shots medically. I was confused. Nobody would explain anything to me. I had head trauma, broke every bone in my face and my once perfect smile was replaced with a severe underbite. They had me strapped down to the bed and in my mind, I felt as tho they kidnapped me and were performing medical experiments on me. I just wanted to break free.

One day they took the straps off my wrists and I thought "this is my break". I took off my neckbrace, yanked out my IV, ripped my trach out and jumped out of bed. I hit the floor instantly. I had no idea my legs were broke. I would constantly ask the doctors and nurses questions about my condition but they laughed it off or ignored my questions and carried on their experiments on me. I couldn't move my fingers in right hand. When I was finally able to get up and go into the bathroom (after the removed m catheter and tube from my ass).... I looked in the mirror. I didn't know wtf I was looking at. This isn't my face.... and it still isn't.

I'm leaving a lot out but my point is, I understood that my brain wasn't working the same. Like I still don't remember what kind of foods I use to cook and eat Its like I'm reevaluating the world as I see it now and having a different view than before. I cry ALL the time over everything. I'm scared to leave my house and face people with the way my face looks now. I sense danger ALL the time even when I know logically I'm in a safe environment. I'm just super annoyed with myself and the way my brain works now. I'm so emotional and I know that this isn't me.

How do I get back to the old me? I miss her. I was fun to be around, funny, charismatic and had hope. Now I'm just hopeless, plain and simple. Almost everyday I ask myself why I survived that accident.

I'm being scheduled for surgery to correct my Jaw soon at the university of Florida. I know that I'm putting too much stock into this surgery by thinking it's gonna fix everything.

Sorry this was long and most likely scattered. If I proof read, I won't post. I just wanted to get that off my chest cuz I haven't been able to talk to anyone about how messed up I still am in the head over a car accident that happened 2 years ago.
hello queen. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

It was during covid so I could have no visitors. My sister was my next of kin and calling all the shots medically. I was confused. Nobody would explain anything to me.

i, too, felt the joy of corona crowning over a major life crisis and having my pain minimized on a global scale. just mask it all. it ain't covid, so it don't count.

2.5 years later, it still don't count. nobody's talking, not even so far as to say whether or not ^it^ is over. i'm far from sure why, but it feels like nobody wants to admit how cruel and callous they were being while masked and socially distant. for sure, in both my personal life crisis and the available support, "confused" is an understatement. i still feel like a stranger in a strange land on both the personal and cultural evolutions.

are we safe yet?

i hope you'll feel safe to keep venting and sorting here, queen. the answers are in that yucky, mucky mess somewhere.
welcome aboard.

apology NOT accepted for rambling. it's allowed and can be highly cathartic.
Not a lot of advice from my end but I feel yah on the head trauma. I had my head slammed into a wooden board repeatedly at 12 and at 13 was ended up in remedial education with an unaccounted for skills loss that put me square in the 2nd percentile of math (under a 2nd grader) at the time. I'd get lost in my own apartment. I didn't recognize my own face in the mirror or any of my friends or family. The good news is after nearly 2 decades I'm a lot better than I was. You do recover function. It won't look the same as it did but your brain is a nifty lil' device, you will learn to cope and "move around" those black spots. Lots of huggos!
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