finding_my_way
Learning
I don't know what to call my assault. So I call it rape. End of story. But it took me 3.5 years to get to that 'end of story' decision, and I still battle with it every minute of every day.
In my opinion, though, step 1 from healing from a rape is to stop fighting with the definition. Rape, sexual assault, that event. Whatever happened and whatever the extent, whether his penis, his finger, his tongue, his knife, or nothing at all went into your body, it was rape. Whether he held you down or just scared you emotionally. Whether you knew him or not. Because mentally, emotionally, maybe even physically, you prepared for rape, and you experienced rape.
I know that may be a controversial stance, but it is one I hold paramount in my journey to recovery. I was raped. And now, I can begin to process what happened. I can stop lying to my therapist. I can stop putting myself in dangerous situations simply to cope with what he stole.
And I am posting this because I need to tell someone just how I feel, but also because I need to share with every survivor an incredible and free resource I came across. You may have seen it already, but for those who haven't, this workbook is helping me through - second only to actual therapy: Resurrection After Rape (follow the link on the author's website for a free pdf copy).
Take care of your beautiful self, and if you have great resources to help find your way through this healing process, I'd love to know!
In my opinion, though, step 1 from healing from a rape is to stop fighting with the definition. Rape, sexual assault, that event. Whatever happened and whatever the extent, whether his penis, his finger, his tongue, his knife, or nothing at all went into your body, it was rape. Whether he held you down or just scared you emotionally. Whether you knew him or not. Because mentally, emotionally, maybe even physically, you prepared for rape, and you experienced rape.
I know that may be a controversial stance, but it is one I hold paramount in my journey to recovery. I was raped. And now, I can begin to process what happened. I can stop lying to my therapist. I can stop putting myself in dangerous situations simply to cope with what he stole.
And I am posting this because I need to tell someone just how I feel, but also because I need to share with every survivor an incredible and free resource I came across. You may have seen it already, but for those who haven't, this workbook is helping me through - second only to actual therapy: Resurrection After Rape (follow the link on the author's website for a free pdf copy).
Take care of your beautiful self, and if you have great resources to help find your way through this healing process, I'd love to know!