Hi.
I thought I would start a thread, in this forum, about how my son and I are both dealing with our own PTSD and how we are dealing with each other.
I suspect my son's PTSD started three years ago. His therapist has just diagnosed him (within the last month) and is still working on building the trusting relationship with him.
I have been in counselling with my therapist since July for Complex PTSD (see thread in PTSD information section if you do not understand this term or my understanding of it) and am just learning about it myself. (Despite the fact that I have been diagnosised with this three times.)
The last three years have been really tough. I went into super hypervigilence four years ago, after leaving an abusive partner. The same partner had abused my son. I stayed in that mode until now (it's just starting to get better now) and won't even go there about my anxiety! My son was also anxious and vigilante, although I did not recognize it. In fact, other than recognizing that he was acting different, acting out, and seemed to completely withdraw, I did not know what was going on.
Children and adults express PTSD differently!
So now we are both trying to learn!!
Slowly, I have been recognizing when I try to "lecture" him or give him crap, he just shudders and withdraws even more. I knew this before but did not understand it. Now, I'm catching myself when I start and his reaction to it and stopping myself before I get started. Then I sit down and have a chat with him. We talk about the issue, what is my responsiblity and what is his, how to break down what needs to be done in baby steps, and ensure that he still feels loved, wanted, appreciated, and above all WORTHY!! This is working, but it's frustrating as all h*ll. My PTSD wants me to go into supermode everytime I get upset and I have to fight it to reach my son in a way that doesn't further traumatize him. (Oh what I would give for a calm partner to help out here!!)
Also, I've started using the Depression and Anxiety Inventories (See Anxiety and Depression information for these.) I asked my therapist if I could get Matt to do them too, to help him recognize what is going on. She immediatly handed me tons of copies and felt this was a great idea. (I just love my therapist!) So I've started him on them, as of last night. I explained how it worked and had him fill it out himself. Then I went through each question and explained what it meant and we had to modify some of the numbers. We then added it all up. I could tell he felt great. He had a big smile on his face and was joking with me about our scores!! (Boy did this make me feel good. I actually feel like I'm helping him!) So, we are going to do our inventories nightly. It's our family time!:smile:
We have a lot of work to do and both of us need to learn about this. This is going to be so hard! My son is worth every second of it!!
Bec
I thought I would start a thread, in this forum, about how my son and I are both dealing with our own PTSD and how we are dealing with each other.
I suspect my son's PTSD started three years ago. His therapist has just diagnosed him (within the last month) and is still working on building the trusting relationship with him.
I have been in counselling with my therapist since July for Complex PTSD (see thread in PTSD information section if you do not understand this term or my understanding of it) and am just learning about it myself. (Despite the fact that I have been diagnosised with this three times.)
The last three years have been really tough. I went into super hypervigilence four years ago, after leaving an abusive partner. The same partner had abused my son. I stayed in that mode until now (it's just starting to get better now) and won't even go there about my anxiety! My son was also anxious and vigilante, although I did not recognize it. In fact, other than recognizing that he was acting different, acting out, and seemed to completely withdraw, I did not know what was going on.
Children and adults express PTSD differently!
So now we are both trying to learn!!
Slowly, I have been recognizing when I try to "lecture" him or give him crap, he just shudders and withdraws even more. I knew this before but did not understand it. Now, I'm catching myself when I start and his reaction to it and stopping myself before I get started. Then I sit down and have a chat with him. We talk about the issue, what is my responsiblity and what is his, how to break down what needs to be done in baby steps, and ensure that he still feels loved, wanted, appreciated, and above all WORTHY!! This is working, but it's frustrating as all h*ll. My PTSD wants me to go into supermode everytime I get upset and I have to fight it to reach my son in a way that doesn't further traumatize him. (Oh what I would give for a calm partner to help out here!!)
Also, I've started using the Depression and Anxiety Inventories (See Anxiety and Depression information for these.) I asked my therapist if I could get Matt to do them too, to help him recognize what is going on. She immediatly handed me tons of copies and felt this was a great idea. (I just love my therapist!) So I've started him on them, as of last night. I explained how it worked and had him fill it out himself. Then I went through each question and explained what it meant and we had to modify some of the numbers. We then added it all up. I could tell he felt great. He had a big smile on his face and was joking with me about our scores!! (Boy did this make me feel good. I actually feel like I'm helping him!) So, we are going to do our inventories nightly. It's our family time!:smile:
We have a lot of work to do and both of us need to learn about this. This is going to be so hard! My son is worth every second of it!!
Bec