Death Hello Again

EvenStrongerNow

MyPTSD Pro
Hhhhhhh, I think it has been like seven years since I was last here shouting from the roof tops that I was recovered. Seven years later, watching my Dad die of cancer, seven years of infertility, experiencing a miscarriage, going through IVF, experiencing birth trauma, and the collective trauma of a worldwide pandemic (plus the feeling of isolation has a double layer for me since I was isolated in my 2008-2011 trauma).... well, my "recovered" got blown. It became clear that all I did was run off and avoid all of those years because no tool came to mind to help me manage when I started experiencing more prominent flashbacks over the past couple of years. My husband and I recently had to stop couples relationship coaching because I kept on being triggered during sessions. That was a clue that it's highly likely that half of our marital issues are due to my PTSD, but it has been hiding. I start therapy this Sunday with a trauma specialist. There wasn't really a place to reintroduce so I guess this is it. Hello everyone.
 

Starfire

Confident
Hi! So sorry you have been thru all that. Don't think your recovery has been blown. Ok, I hate it when my T says this!! But you did it once you can do it again. Know it's true. But I still hate that I have to do it again. Hate the people that make me have to do it at all. Think you'll find big changes in trauma treatment in seven years. Thanks for coming back. Have a feeling you will be an encouraging example. Hang in there. Sounds like you have been thru a lot. Hope your refresher course goes quickly.
 

anthony

Founder
I start therapy this Sunday with a trauma specialist.
Trauma is subjective, at best. Everything is not about trauma. Yes, you have to come to terms with the cause of your issues, BUT, struggles in life and relationships are not necessarily about trauma.

Me. Trauma affected me so profoundly, it broke who I was. It wasn't overnight, it was progressive. This means that I changed over a period of years. Me. Not my trauma. I changed my behaviour, my personality traits, over years. I came to terms with my trauma. The biggest issue for me was coming to terms with who I now was. My behaviours were negative, my personality had taken a big blow with consequences in many areas of my life. Focusing on my trauma was not the issue. The issue was my actions, reactions, in day to day life. I didn't need a trauma therapist, I needed practical solutions that I could try at both the cognitive and behavioural levels.

This site is nearly 16 years old from when I started it. I started this site to help me along with helping others who I figured felt the same as me due to trauma. Trauma therapy was such a small part of my healing, because a therapist could not do the work I needed to do in order to change me back to who I wanted to be. Not who I was prior to trauma, but to undo as much of the negative that trauma has caused me.

I'm still learning. It took me 10 years to really see change. Nine and a half of those ten years, there was no therapy. There was nothing I could tell a therapist that I hadn't written here for the world to see and get broad experience back to me. The basics I learnt have not changed. Nor have they become redundant. The basics are still applicable today as they were when I learnt them 16 years ago.

My learning experience cost me my first two marriages, all within the first five years of my PTSD. My wife now, Nicolette, we've been together over 10 years and we both keep growing ourselves to be better. Me more than her, as my PTSD was a severe impact upon me, and thus our relationship. We both changed, but the negatives that I had I had to change.

Just today I finished another therapist book on Cognitive Processing Therapy. I learn what therapists learn to apply to myself. Some books I read I get nothing from. Same shit, different book. Some I get little tidbits that really help me, intrigue me, like "hey, never thought about that." So I give something a go in my life to see what happens - cognitive approach and/or behavioural approach. Doing! That simple.

Know your problems. Find and know your solutions. Apply them in your day to day life. Know your limitations. Never stop learning how to improve yourself due to PTSD.
 

EvenStrongerNow

MyPTSD Pro
Thanks Anthony for your comments. I can't know all of why you wrote what you wrote but I think you're trying to tell me that there's more to it than just therapy. I've never done trauma therapy though past a first session. I haven't worked through 2008 on, only my childhood but not with a trauma T.

Last night was my first session and when she asked me what success looks like if I can imagine ending therapy with her, I was able to tell her all of the behaviors and symptoms that I want to reduce or stop. I know that therapy won't be the holy grail answer to my problems. But a lot of how I navigate life right now is due to trauma. I really do believe if I could get out of this negative loop that trauma has me in, I could enjoy life more and be less exhausted by all of the things I've done I'm anxiety to try to manage or "control" things.

I've come so far since 2011 but living the past six years pretending that I don't have PTSD was not a good idea. All it did was allow it to be in control of my life and now I feel stuck. I have a son now. A toddler and I don't want this to affect him. I still don't really know why you said what you said but hopefully I make sense.
 

anthony

Founder
I think you're trying to tell me that there's more to it than just therapy.
Yep... you got most of my point. The rest you concluded for yourself below:
but living the past six years pretending that I don't have PTSD was not a good idea.
You can't do this. EVER! The rest of your life you have to keep working on yourself, however small those steps are, you have to. If you don't, if you ignore anything new in your life, if you stop bettering your own cognitive and behavioural approach to everything in your life, then you're subject to fall down hard and basically feel like you're back to square one. You're not, but it feels that way and can thus be daunting to get going forward again.

I was diagnosed severe. I was diagnosed to never have much of a life, work, relationship struggles, basically, I was diagnosed with the outcome applied that I would likely be dead by 40 due to alcohol, stupidity, abusing my own body, etc etc. All the stupid shit ex-military can do quite easily by being way too aggressive in dangerous things.

When I found the way out for me, at no stage have I ever let my foot of the pedal towards forward movement. Sure, I've gone backwards at times, no doubt about it, but now vs then, holy shit, I have for the most part beat everything several psychiatrists applied to me 17 years ago. The first year was certainly a blur before I got my finger out and started helping myself.

Simple point: don't take a better life for granite when PTSD exists.

And yes, I get cryptic to make you answer your own problems.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
I started this site to help me along with helping others who I figured felt the same as me due to trauma.
And I am so happy you did. There are many sites out there that deal with PTSD by saying, "oh poor baby, it's soooo hard". This site says, "Yep, it's hard, what are you doing to fix it?". I like that. It promotes healing. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet but I feel like I always have someone watching my back here.
 

anthony

Founder
One of the first things I posted here in the first year: The Iceberg Of Emotions (don't be fooled by its current start date which is due to moving things about over the years) I still use to this very day. It is a basic attribute of my day to day life. I like simple, and respond to simple better than complicated, so this suits me for many things. I look at the response, then go looking for what I really feel / think below the response, then I attack those, being the cause. The response can't be dealt with effectively.

The negative thinking style list, I use weekly in my head to identify when I'm using something negative to affect myself, instead of looking for the realistic aspects of my own thinking, logic, commonsense.

Here is something I left out, but put in cryptically, but has not been mentioned yet. Do I need a trauma therapist to heal PTSD? The simple answer is, NO. What you might need is just a very good counsellor who uses commonsense and has great logical adaptation - throw an issue at them and they can quickly help you find reality. This can be a friend, family member, counsellor, therapist of any speciality that has this quality.

Everything is not about trauma. That is the biggest lesson I have learned healing PTSD. Its the present tense that needs focus, not so much the past and certainly not the future. Now. That is the focus everyone should be taking. If you have past memories causing you distress now, then you bring that small snippet of your past into your now and work on it, but otherwise you focus on what impact its having on you now, then work on that. Past is just that, the past. The future is a negative thinking style. The present is your only focus healing trauma.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
One of the first things I posted here in the first year: The Iceberg Of Emotions (don't be fooled by its current start date which is due to moving things about over the years) I still use to this very day. It is a basic attribute of my day to day life. I like simple, and respond to simple better than complicated, so this suits me for many things. I look at the response, then go looking for what I really feel / think below the response, then I attack those, being the cause. The response can't be dealt with effectively.

The negative thinking style list, I use weekly in my head to identify when I'm using something negative to affect myself, instead of looking for the realistic aspects of my own thinking, logic, commonsense.

Here is something I left out, but put in cryptically, but has not been mentioned yet. Do I need a trauma therapist to heal PTSD? The simple answer is, NO. What you might need is just a very good counsellor who uses commonsense and has great logical adaptation - throw an issue at them and they can quickly help you find reality. This can be a friend, family member, counsellor, therapist of any speciality that has this quality.

Everything is not about trauma. That is the biggest lesson I have learned healing PTSD. Its the present tense that needs focus, not so much the past and certainly not the future. Now. That is the focus everyone should be taking. If you have past memories causing you distress now, then you bring that small snippet of your past into your now and work on it, but otherwise you focus on what impact its having on you now, then work on that. Past is just that, the past. The future is a negative thinking style. The present is your only focus healing trauma.
yes I can really relate to this. Your maximum point of power is "now". My counsellor isn't a trauma speciality therapist but may have read some books on it and he used common sense and logical adaptation.
 
Top