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Hello All - Have To Face Assailant Tomorrow!

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by jniner333, Apr 18, 2007.

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  1. jniner333

    jniner333 New Member

    Hello. I was browsing the web and came about this site. Wish I found it awhile ago.

    A year and a half ago I was assaulted while sleeping. I was working that night as a babysitter and was sleeping over while the father was supposedly out until the next day. He came home that night and assaulted me.

    I have been through the ringer with doctors, prescriptions, therapy, and was diagnosed with PTSD. The problem is that my symptoms are not subsiding. I have extreme trouble falling asleep before 3 or 4 am. I have body pain that you wouldn't believe, at times it is so debilitating that I can barely get out of bed and it's extremely hard to focus because I'm irritable and crabby due to my body aches. I have headaches that last for days at a time, I am totally withdrawn socially, etc. etc. I also have trouble talking about all of this because I feel that I'm complaining (I am Momma Bear w/in my social circle and in my life, it is very hard for me to be the one to reach out), can't come to terms with the fact that this has happened, and have a hard time facing the fact that I really don't have much control over the way I am reacting to this. Yuck!

    Tomorrow I get my chance to have a voice and be heard. However, all I want to do is curl up and go to bed with the covers pulled over my head. I can't imagine what it is going to be like to see him to relive everything that happened that night. The thought is nauseating to me and makes me feel like I felt that night; cramped, cold sweats, floaty, like I'm on something, scared, angry, etc. I have no idea how I am going to do this.

    Any suggestions would be appreciated. I am seeing a trauma specialist and she offered some advice, but hasn't been helping me. I am so glad that I found this site and intend to come back to hopefully find help with some of my other symptoms as well... thanks for your help.
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  3. 9Lives

    9Lives Active Member


    hi there. I just wanted to say that I've been there (I took a family member to court after sexual molestation) and I can't tell you how hard it was for me(I was only 16 at the time). BUT, I did it! It was hard but, just remember & keep telling yourself that you're doing the right thing & you'll prevent him from hurting someone else! That's what I kept saying to myself & it worked. Plus, the only time you have to look at him is when you have to point him out to the jury. You can do that - I have faith in you.

    Regarding the physical pain you are feeling, I have fibromyalgia & your symptoms sound like mine. My doctors have said my stress disorder & lack of sleep has contributed to this painful disorder so, if I were you, I'd ask your doctor about it & maybe you'll be able to get some help like me. Well, I hope I've helped a little bit. Take care & good luck.
  4. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi, welcome to the forum. Hold strong, think about what is going on with facing your assailant, and take resolution from it if possible. Atleast you can look at it in the sense that something is being done....
  5. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    hey, welcome to the forum. you have already shown what a strong person you are just by persuing the charges. you can do it!
  6. xo_eve_ox

    xo_eve_ox New Member

    Hi, Welcome to this wonderful place. I am new here too and know what you mean about wishin you had found this place sooner.

    I think you are stronger than you feel like you are right now. It takes courage to face your attacker.

    I'm not far enough along in my healing to offer any advice, but I wanted you to know I'm sending good thoughts your way.
  7. Audrey_Hepburn

    Audrey_Hepburn New Member


    I'm new here too.

    Your symptoms sound like mine. I also was raped and my life has been a mess since.

    I think it's good that you'll have the opportunity to face your attacker. The police have really messed up my case to the point that I am unable to have them prosecuted, and that adds greatly to my pain. I think I would heal better if I had some sort of closure.

    In regards to how to lessen the intensity of your symptoms, I'm afraid I can't be of much help here yet. That's what concerns me about myself : (

    But I hope it goes well with your attacker

    Take care,
  8. jniner333

    jniner333 New Member

    Thank you so much for all of your kind words. Yesterday was awful.

    I do have a helpful suggestion for anyone else that has to face their attacker! I wear contact lenses and glasses. Yesterday I took of my glasses so that I would not have to see his face. This helped me tremendously to get though. I am not saying that this is right for everyone. Some very strong people might even want to stare down their attacker (and I say bravo to that), however, the thought of seeing him again was almost unbearable for me personally. That is one way I found to deal with that anxiety.

    I am so happy to have found this site. Thanks again.
  9. Monarch

    Monarch I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Wow, you are brave, I can't even imagine facing my attackers, I didn't even tell anyone it happened. Do they really make you face the person, you can't do it by video feed or from another room? That is crazy.
  10. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    Hon, you are so much braver then I am.

    I face my abuser every day, but I can't confront him *hugs*

    I hope it can help you heal.
  11. 9Lives

    9Lives Active Member

    yes, they really do - it's awful! I can relate - when I was 16, I took a family member/mollestor to court & then a few years later, a rapist. I can't tell you how hard it is!! I still remember at that 1st trial, his lawyer had the audacity to say I that I must of asked for it (I was 6 years old when it started!). I remember saying sarcastically, "Yea, I must of been one hell of a sexy 6 year old!". The whole thing is so upsetting - it makes me sick!!! Why do they make us relive all of this horrible stuff in the courtroom? Why can't we point them out behind 1-way glass like other people who need their privacy protected!
  12. pandora

    pandora I'm a VIP

    Hi jniner333

    i don't know if I could ever face my abuser, although they never caught him. i have to go to criminal injuries in the next while for a hearing.so I am experiencing the same anxiety related to having to speak to people about this episode but I suppose this can help in our healing in the long run. You are very brave, i don't know what I would do if I was in the same room with him again. i would probably shake right out of my seat and fall on the floor, or vomit everywhere. You did it, good for you.
    Take Care
  13. 9Lives

    9Lives Active Member

    Hello. I don't know if you rec'd my e-mail but, just in case you didn't, I'll post some of it here as an answer to your question how Fibromyalgia was diagnosed (with a PTSD patient).

    Well, I was "officially" diagnosed by a Rheumatologist (about a year ago) after my VA doc performed a battery of tests ruling out Lupus, Rhuematoid Arthritis, etc. The Rheumatologist reviewed my entire medical history & did a tender point test. I also underwent a sleep study as well (and they said my poor sleep contributes to Fibromyalgia as well).

    What I've learned is that PAIN is the #1 symptom of Fibro. I thought I had bone cancer in my legs the pain was so excrutiating (docs even x-rayed them). For me, the pain travels everywhere (legs, feet, toes, arms, hands, fingers & now my back and chest). It pulses sharply & deeply making it difficult to move at times. For me, the pain can come & go or last as long as 6 hours (that's my count so far) before it lets up for a little while.

    Right now, my treatment is Darvocet (pain med), anti-anxiety & depression meds, exercise, & therapy (PTSD & chronic pain management). My Rheumatologist explained Fibro (in layman's terms) as "your nerves become overexposed & overstimulated by stress hormones so your brain is constantly sending out pain signals throughout your body." My PTSD therapist says more than half of her patients have Fibromyalgia too (no surprise there - I'm sure there's a link!).

    My docs say stress, anxiety, & poor sleep are huge contributors to Fibromyalgia so, that's what I have to work on solving. Luckily for me, my VA Rheumatologist & the VA mental health clinic work together very well. Have you seen a Rheumatologist yet? That would probably be the next best step for you. Well, good luck & take care. Let me know how things are going - hopefully you won't have to suffer much more!
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