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Hello everyone
Yes I’m brand new but have been binge reading all of the threads for the past few weeks. Everyone’s posts have saved my life and I am very grateful!

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

I met my love 11 months ago. He is a paramedic who recently divorced after a gruelling custody battle over his children and has lost his daughter as she refuses to see him.

We were on and off for the first 6 months. We always remained in contact as I was very understanding of his troubles and new he was having a difficult time.

But then in May ( after 8 months of hot and cold) he came on strong and said he loved me, wanted to grow old with me, thanked me for my patience and understanding and we bonded intensely.

Our children hit it off and we had plans to build a future together.

We then spent a glorious week in Cuba where we were madly in love. Although I started to notice strange behaviour like waking up to find him asleep on the bathroom floor and his need to escape crowded rooms and run to our hotel room saying he didn’t feel well.

When we got home ... he started to distance again. At first I was a loon ... texting him asking him what the heck was happening? He’d say he was busy which made me like I wasn’t a priority.

I started giving ultimatums and he stopped answering. Then one day we bumped into each other at the park ... he wouldn’t make eye contact, touch me, he could barely talk and I left devastated thinking he had used me for the trip.

But then it clicked! So I texted and said do you have PTSD? I’ll love you no matter the answer

He responded yes,,, for many traumas

Then radio silence for 3 days
When he finally texted he said he didn’t have it in him for a serious relationship, that he was broken and lost, that I am amazing and I deserve more and he has to focus on his self care and is in therapy

This whole situation rattled me to my core! I was absolutely devastated but thanks to you all , I know I have to let him go. I wrote him a letter saying I’d be here when he’s ready

This has made me confront my own issues
I now need to focus on self care... I have a therapy session booked.

I love him ... feel he’s my forever person but I have to let him go

I hope he comes back!

Thanks for reading! And I welcome any words of wisdom or insight from sufferers and supporters!

Kind regards
Deana
 
I should also add that he said he can’t hide his illness anymore... I guess he was trying to not let me see his mental illness. Now I know and he has isolated. He erased all of his social media accounts
I thought he had blocked me so one night I sent him our song and he responded that he hasn’t blocked me.

So now I move forward with bettering myself and maybe one day he’ll come back
 
I should also add that he said he can’t hide his illness anymore... I guess he was trying to not let me see his mental illness. Now I know and he has isolated.
I still go to great lengths to try to hide the ptsd from those around me -- and when someone finds out it always freaks me out no matter how close they are to me. It's just such a huge stigma and such a sense of failure. I know it's not supposed to be -- but --- there ya go.
 
It's just such a huge stigma and such a sense of failure. I know it's not supposed to be -- but --- there ya go.

I hide it because if I admit it to those around me, I am admitting that I am, likely forever, broken and I went through this horrible trauma. Which is also being vulnerable. Which is a big no, no in my world. And it sort of attracts pity which I totally don't want.

I told two people and that turned out so horrible that I am trying to keep it a secert from all others. But, that is hard when sympomatic.

Like at work. When having a panic attack or jumping everytime someone comes up behind me or always looking over my shoulder. How long until they figure it out?

It takes such great effort to hide it and to try to make up other excuses for symptoms. Maybe that's why he's like "I can't hide this anymore", @Woundedhealer.
 
Hello everyone
Yes I’m brand new but have been binge reading all of the threads for the past few weeks. Everyone’s posts have saved my life and I am very grateful!

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

I met my love 11 months ago. He is a paramedic who recently divorced after a gruelling custody battle over his children and has lost his daughter as she refuses to see him.

We were on and off for the first 6 months. We always remained in contact as I was very understanding of his troubles and new he was having a difficult time.

But then in May ( after 8 months of hot and cold) he came on strong and said he loved me, wanted to grow old with me, thanked me for my patience and understanding and we bonded intensely.

Our children hit it off and we had plans to build a future together.

We then spent a glorious week in Cuba where we were madly in love. Although I started to notice strange behaviour like waking up to find him asleep on the bathroom floor and his need to escape crowded rooms and run to our hotel room saying he didn’t feel well.

When we got home ... he started to distance again. At first I was a loon ... texting him asking him what the heck was happening? He’d say he was busy which made me like I wasn’t a priority.

I started giving ultimatums and he stopped answering. Then one day we bumped into each other at the park ... he wouldn’t make eye contact, touch me, he could barely talk and I left devastated thinking he had used me for the trip.

But then it clicked! So I texted and said do you have PTSD? I’ll love you no matter the answer

He responded yes,,, for many traumas

Then radio silence for 3 days
When he finally texted he said he didn’t have it in him for a serious relationship, that he was broken and lost, that I am amazing and I deserve more and he has to focus on his self care and is in therapy

This whole situation rattled me to my core! I was absolutely devastated but thanks to you all , I know I have to let him go. I wrote him a letter saying I’d be here when he’s ready

This has made me confront my own issues
I now need to focus on self care... I have a therapy session booked.

I love him ... feel he’s my forever person but I have to let him go

I hope he comes back!

Thanks for reading! And I welcome any words of wisdom or insight from sufferers and supporters!

Kind regards
Deana
He will probably come back....mine did for two years...we were friends and when we became involved, I had no idea, he suffers from CPTSD.
So the question is, when he comes back are you strong enough to cope with his push-pull....the dissapearing for days and days? Is he good at communicating.....de didn’t tell you about PTSD, you had to ask him.
I completely understand that you love him, I still love my ex sufferer, but in May I decided that enough is enough and for now, we can’t even see each other...then we would just fall right back into the same old pattern....him denying we are in a relationship (even though we have been exclusive for two years and him refusing kisssing and cuddling...he would love to, but then he would get too involved which his brains won’t allow). All the love in the world is not enough if your guy is not capable of communication. I know it sucks and I truly hope that everything works out for you ?
 
....But then it clicked! So I texted and said do you have PTSD? I’ll love you no matter the answer

He responded yes,,, for many traumas......

This whole situation rattled me to my core! I was absolutely devastated but thanks to you all , I know I have to let him go. I wrote him a letter saying I’d be here when he’s ready...

(((@Woundedhealer))) I'm sorry that your heart is so deeply hurting! You gave him a gift that he may never realize but I hope you will.

You gave him the freedom to be honest with you and didn't react with the horror he may have expected. Your love and support hasn't waivered and you didn't shut him down. That is A HUGE gift of love! He spoke his truth and wasn't rejected.

Getting help with your own issues is the vital step you are taking. Whether you guys meet back up or not, you will be emotionally healthy and grounded in who you are.

Blessings to you?

Welcome to the forum?
 
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