Sufferer Hello (: CPTSD, looking to not feel so alone, as I may be moving out on my own.

Tricerachops

New Here
I never know how to introduce myself, but I wanted to write something somewhere as I've just joined. Here seemed like a good place to do it.

It was my Birthday yesterday, I think right now I'm just lucky I don't get hangovers yet lol.
It was good actually, considering the UK is still in lockdown. I live with friends so I can have fun without breaking any rules.
They are such amazing people, I don't know why they put up with me. I think right now I just feel happy to have them.

I have a meeting tomorrow. Well, when I say I have a meeting, I mean there's a meeting going ahead in regards to me, just not including me. Professionals meeting. Ha.
Honestly I'm glad, I don't want to be involved - don't want to hear about my screwed up brain, and consequently, the screwed up situations said brain gets me in.
Plus safeguarding will be there, and that's never about anything positive.
I am dreading the outcome though. Ugh.

Anyway, why I signed up here.
I have C-PTSD (diagnosed). Honestly it f*cking sucks, and I might be moving out to live on my own (???) So I need a safe place to not feel so alone with this.
I'm a bit scared. I don't know if it's going to be a flat in the City I live in now, or in the town where all my trauma happened. I hate the fact I was born there, I hate the fact that I'm connected to that place and it makes it so f*cking hard to never think about it because the Local Authority there are still incharge of me and -
Literally I'm an adult now why TF do they still decide where I live?
And I look about 14/15. Alone. Easy target.
f*ck.

Yeah so um if you're still reading at this point. Thanks for taking the time. This is a mess, I'm a mess. Whatever.
 

Friday

Moderator
Welcome to the community!

I have C-PTSD (diagnosed). Honestly it f*cking sucks, and I might be moving out to live on my own (???) So I need a safe place to not feel so alone with this.
I'm a bit scared

Good instincts -or hard won skills- in looking for & setting up resources/support before a potential great big change & stressor. Best defense is a good offense, and well done.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome! This is a great forum to share. Sorry for what you have been through, and are going through.

Do you want your voice heard in these meetings? You could ask for an advocate or independent person to sit in the meeting to speak for you (if you don't want to be in the meeting yourself)?
Hope you get included in these big decisions about your life. Sounds as though you have clear ideas about what you want, and you need to be heard.

And happy belated birthday!
 

Tricerachops

New Here
Welcome to the community!
Hii! Thank you 😊

looking for & setting up resources/support before a potential great big change & stressor.
Yes 100%
Only problem here, is I'm not in control of what support I get. I can request what I think I'd benefit from, but Social Services get the final say in that. We often don't agree.
This problem then leads on to another. They seem to not be too concerned about what MH support I get in the initial period when I move. They say they don't know how long it'll take, and I might be without any CMHT input for a while...
They do say, however, and this bothers me - If I move to where they are - (aka round the corner from where my trauma happened) then they'll have more say in how quickly I get support. They're not wrong, they are the Local Authority there. Although I don't think I can recover somewhere that I'm not technically safe.
Sorry that was long!

Let us know how the meeting goes if you want to.
I think I will! Thank you :D

You could ask for an advocate or independent person
Yes! I need to do this! This whole thing has happened so quickly, I haven't been at the point to explain everything coherently to someone independent. I could ask for support with that though.
Depending on how today goes, I'll see if I can get one!

Hope you get included in these big decisions about your life.
Me too! It'll be a first!

And happy belated birthday!
Thank you!!! 🥳

welcome to the site and happy birthday
Hi! And Thank you!!! 🎉
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Yes! I need to do this! This whole thing has happened so quickly, I haven't been at the point to explain everything coherently to someone independent. I could ask for support with that though.
Depending on how today goes, I'll see if I can get
Fingers crossed it goes well today and they make a decision you are happy with.

They do have a duty to listen to you, and I hope they are explaining all your rights to you (of which there are many).
It can be quite easy and quick to get an advocate/independent person, and they sometimes can really help with changing decisions and getting what you want.

But hope you get good news from the meeting.
 

Tricerachops

New Here
Dunno what to do with myself.
Meetings in 45 minutes, it is definitely professionals only, so all I can do is pace around the house until it's over.

It's probably a good thing, that it's just for professionals. There was a meeting on Monday that I went to. I don't remember a thing from it, no idea what was said.
I briefly remember asking the Deputy Manager (she was with me in the meeting) what happened afterwards, and she explained to me what was discussed - I can't remember what she said either.
Hate it when my brain does that.

I spoke to my CNS Tuesday morning, and asked again what happened in the meeting 🤦‍♀️ and I actually remember what she said haha!
She explained that I actually did really well (hah yay me??) and it was looking slightly more likely that I can stay up here, and not move back to home-town.

I'm not too sure about that, because everything leading up to that meeting was "Not a chance, decisions been made that you're moving back here, funding requests have been sent etc" - but I'll take it!
The safeguarding thing came up in that meeting, apparently home-town LA basically completely ignored it.
That's really... not good?? Management here have put in a complaint and esculated the safeguarding thing.

It confuses me, because I was made a Looked After Child because my home-town wasn't safe for me, and I wasn't aloud back there. And now I'm an adult, it's like - all of that doesn't matter? The reason they have any involvement with me in the first place was because that place wasn't safe for me.
Everyone here is mad about it. Like they have "professional disagreements" about it over email. Ugh I hate that I cause that.
I'm grateful though, everyone here does really want what's best for me. I'm really glad I have them. It's like placement vs home-team.
Also, my PA (home-team) has only met me twice. It's annoying that she can make decisions like this when she's only met me bloody twice. I've been at this placement for 3 years, it's beyond me why they don't listen to them.

Then something about a Social Work assessment? To see if I need a Social Worker (again)? I was so happy to get rid of mine when I turned 18. Dammit.
It would be someone from home-town LA. Another person on their side? Are you f*cking kidding me?

Meeting today is to do with Safeguarding I believe. To see what they can do.

Also - a staff member asked me earlier if I want police involvement? Um whaa?? Does she mean to protect me if I move back to home-town? This whole thing is a massive red flag.

I said I didn't want them involved.
 

Tricerachops

New Here
Think this is positive!

Deputy Manager came to speak to me after the meeting. Turns out it was just my placement management, clinical MDT, and the placements company's safeguardin leads. So everyone was in agreement!

They all agree that moving back to home-town is a bad idea, and aren't happy with my home-team. They've decided to put a safeguarding concern in, To current Town's safeguarding people, regarding my home-team/home-town. Laughed a little at this, that they need a safeguarding team to deal with how badly my LA dealt with a safeguarding concern.

They are going to see if they can get my LA changed to where I live now. That would honestly get rid of the biggest situation, because there would be no reason at all for me to move back there.
My mum lives there, but it's only a few hours away if you drive, so if someone can drive me then it's no big deal for me to go and see her. If I have to get public transport, more of an issue, but not impossible.
I had friends there growing up, but they're all at Uni, or going to Uni in September, none of which is near my home-Town. I also haven't seen them in a long time.
Parts of the centre of home-Town is a stressor/trigger, and a couple parishes around the Town I just cannot go to. One of them is en route to a lot of places I'd want, or need to go to.
And then there's the people.
Yeah that place being taken out of the picture would be really good. I don't do well there.

What they'd like me to do is:
- Get an Advovate ✅
Done. Referral is sent!
- Write a Statement about the situation.
Not done. Don't really want to do. I have 'till ideally Monday to do it. My head hates me for not wanting to go back, it's took a lot to not just go along with it. I've been reminding myself that a few people would (maybe, honestly idk) lose their jobs if I did that - or maybe just a disaplinary. But there would be no chance I could get outta there again.
If I stayed here however, I could still do that if it came to it, they're just not right f*cking there. Waiting.

Yep writing this out is giving me positive vibes. Here is way more Tricerachops-proof.
 

Tricerachops

New Here
Oh and if I did that I'd worry/hurt a decent nunber of people. I'd essentially disappear of the face of the planet.

I think I am just trying to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing.

You can still go back either way Tri.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Fantastic news!!
They sound really great and that they understand you.

Can they maybe help with writing the statement?

So glad they are helping you. Sounds like you know yourself really well and that there are those triggers for you in that home town. And then the people. Sounds a very healthy thing to know going back there is not safe or right for you. And great you have been able to build up your life where you are now. Go you!
 

Tricerachops

New Here
They sound really great and that
They are, and they do. They've been there through a lot, I would be in a really shitty and/or dangerous position if I never came (well, got put) here.

Can they maybe help with writing the statement?
Yeah I could ask, and they would. I might do.
At the beginning of this I was in full agreement with my home-team. Infact, I was trying to get the whole move done sooner. It took a few (unfortunate?) events and a handful of "Tri DO NOT do this" meetings (from them) to get me to not go running back. But I'm here now, and that's what counts (?)
In other words, I'm gonna ask them to help me write the statement. Good idea.

Haha thanks. I shouldn't take the credit though, all of what I have was practically handed to me. And the bits I know about myself were pointed out for me, or are just super easy to figure out. But thank you!
 
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