Sufferer Hello - CPTSD, OCD, DID, buckets of anxiety, and treatment-resistant depression

hex

New Here
Hi everyone. I've been lurking on and off for a couple of years and decided to finally make a post. Not really sure what to say. I have CPTSD, OCD, DID, buckets of anxiety, and treatment-resistant depression. I'm on SSDI, live in subsidized housing, and work two shifts a week in a residential foster care facility. I have an awesome therapist who does IFS and EMDR who I started seeing about two years ago. She's the one who diagnosed me with DID, which was a big adjustment. I've been in treatment and on meds for about 18 years and still really struggle to get through the day.

My closest IRL friend moved away a few months ago and I've been really feeling her absence. We used to have a video game night every week. I'm an introvert and it's hard to get out of the house. My work shifts are also alone so I don't meet people at work. I met @Chris-duck on a forum a billion years ago and she told me about this place, so I guess partly hoping to find some of that same kind of community here.

Thanks for reading.
 

MnM

Confident
👋 Thanks for posting. It's so helpful to read different experiences when it's literal mud out there... I actually started calling my dissociative states "Going mudding" because of how absolutely disoriented I become and how impossible it is to get out of it.

I'm curious - did you develop DID over time or do you think it came on suddenly? I can "see" an alternate personality sitting there staring at me, something I learned from The Last Event, and I hover between being terrified of becoming that person without consenting and wanting to try it on and see what happens. I don't think my conscience will allow a full integration of said other personality, but a Previous Event has already shown me that deconstructions mean a total reassessment of morality, values, and identity 😬

I'm sorry for your battle scars - PTSD et al. are so so shitty. 🤗
 
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