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Hello! Finally Introducing Myself :)

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Steph_F

MyPTSD Pro
Hi!

I stumbled upon this website a few months ago in a desperate attempt to learn more about my fiance's Combat PTSD, specifially what it does to him, because I know very well what it does to me. I wanted to get some insight on what might go through his mind when he is suffering the worst. I have never really formally introduced myself however.

I am a single mom with two school age daughters. We live in the mid-west of the US. I was divorced almost 8 years ago. I have many characteristics that clash very badly with PTSD. I'm whiney, needy, self-centered, and can be very annoying. I've got enough good things to make up for it though! (great self-esteem for one! haha!). I am also blessed with a very forgiving spirit, but I have to watch that so I don't enable people to mistreat me. I love my fiance with all my heart and am determined to give him my best.

M. is a Sgt with the National Guard, he's 36 now and he joined the Navy at 19. He served on an aircraft carrier in the Gulf War with the Navy and then switched gears and joined the National Guard and was deployed again to the middle east for OIF 1 and OIF 3. (This is where his combat PTSD became embedded in him I think, he survived some really horrible things I think). Unless he gets medically discharged due to the PTSD (he could now, but he needs to follow-up on some things and seems to have very little interest in doing so) he will retire with 20 yrs of service in 3-1/2 years. He will be done with the military but I'm afraid the military will never be done with him. He is divorced and has two children. He is a very loving caring man with a noble heart. He can also act like the cruelest a-hole and a hurtful selfish man with no regard to anyone's feelings whatsoever. But that is not him, I know this. He doesn't deserve to be so hurt, scared and angry that he retaliates when stressed until he feels nothing. No one wants to feel nothing "a bag of poo" in his words.

How can I best help him??
 
Steph,

You are helping him now, by taking a step in the right direction and learning all you can. The help and information is just not going to drop on your lap, you have to be willing to search, learn, talk, and be very understanding.

Hang in there... you are not alone !
 
Hi Steph! Thanks for writing your story. I too am a single mom, divorced about 6 years with 2 school aged daughters and live in the mid-west so we have that in common. "J", my friend is in the retiring process too (what a pain!) and has been in the Army Reserves since 1988. He got his PTSD from his time in Afghanistan. Glad you are here to learn about your fiance. Welcome!
 
Welcome! Learn as much as you can hun. Read, read, read! Which is what I wish I would have done when my ex (medically retired Marine with combat PTSD) had first gotten together. ((hugs))
 
I'm really glad I read this. Like you Steph I posses all of the traits that people with PTSD should avoid. But I also have the wonderful attribute of being sensitive. So it's a struggle to not take things personally. I'm glad to hear there is another person out there like me and also deal closely with PTSD. I know there isn't anything I can do to help ward off the things in his head so I decided to make myself more educated to help me deal with the things he can't change. I've already learned a lot -- thanks to all of you.
 
Keep learning! Ask questions and if (and when) things get rough...tell us about it, it's good to share your pain and burden, we understand.

I have also found the Vets here to be an amazing source of info...and friendship. Be kind and respectful and treat them just as you just as you treat your man and they will open up and share their knowledge. Haha! Listen to me all protective of the Veterans on here! Its because they helped me save my relationship with the man of my dreams!

Sometimes just asking "why?" will do you a world of good! Once you better understand WHY your Vet does what he does, or why certain things happen can make them feel less scary and harsh. Often it seems that in answering questions for others we kinda have an epiphany about ourselves. I love that!

So keep sharing everything you are comfy sharing and welcome! :)
 
Steph, you finally introduced yourself, so I will finally say welcome.
You have already been an asset to the forum in my eyes. You always have kind words, and try to give us a laugh.
I will do my best to help in any way I can.

Jimmy
 
Keep learning! Ask questions and if (and when) things get rough...tell us about it, it's good to share your pain and burden, we understand.

I have also found the Vets here to be an amazing source of info...and friendship. Be kind and respectful and treat them just as you just as you treat your man and they will open up and share their knowledge. Haha! Listen to me all protective of the Veterans on here! Its because they helped me save my relationship with the man of my dreams!

Sometimes just asking "why?" will do you a world of good! Once you better understand WHY your Vet does what he does, or why certain things happen can make them feel less scary and harsh. Often it seems that in answering questions for others we kinda have an epiphany about ourselves. I love that!

So keep sharing everything you are comfy sharing and welcome! :)

It's been a struggle everyday. well...not everyday. I hope I didn't come off a disrespectful in my posting -- i couldn't imagine being rude to anyone. Ii understand the truth is sometimes not what people want to hear but most of the time they know it somewhere. So I just made a stupidly long post under supporters. we will see. I don't have really anyone to talk to about this and i'm glad ive found you all. I should have joined ASAP -- when i googled it the first time it took me to really awful support sites with a lot of angry people.

I'm know there are angry people everywhere -- it was just scary to see when we were in 'hang out every minute' can't get enough mode.

i have a question - should i tell him that i'm getting involved with PTSD forums? Would that help to show that i'm serious about it. I've always told him i accept the good and the bad -- but i feel with me being so sensitive it may be good for him to know that i'm trying to figure out how to handle it? I'm seeking a counselor because my anxiety has been deadly lately. I'm sure there are other aspects of my life that could use a good talking about as well. ;) we all have something.

i'm also scouring for that book The Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Relationship-- do you have any other book suggestions for me as a supporter. I don't think i'd approach him ever with a "hey read this book, it will help" situation. because truthfully i don't think it would. so i just want to work on improving my end.
 
That book is awesome. Amazon have it. The book store here in Australia had to order it in.

Have you read the posts under the 'Articles Section'

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There are also heaps of other articles there that can give you a guide.

Basically though, unless he wants to help himself there is no going forward. I once thought there was no future and to be honest, when you start out and people tell you that it can be managed, you think they are bullshitting.

Its like surfing, you have your ups when your riding the waves and feel great, then you occasionally get dumped and dragged across the rocks.
At the start there is more dumping than surfing, but like anything, with persistence, you become a good surfer and can stay up longer.

If he is getting help by going to a therapist and if he is on his medication, then by all means it can't hurt to tell him that you are reading up on the disorder, because you love and care about him. Tell him it will help you understand the disorder. I don't think you will ever understand him and what keeps him locking the doors, looking over his shoulder and what keeps him awake some nights, but you will be able to understand the disorder and how it affects him.

So if you have any questions, ask away.

I don't go in the supporters area as a general rule, so if you want questions answered by a veteran ask in the general forum under the specific title. If you just want to have a chat about day to day stuff, ask at the bar, and if you want help by another supporter/carer, then ask in there.

Hope I have helped.

Jimmy

P.S. Always remember that there is really no one with qualifications in psychiatry or psychology on this site (Yet).
So they are just our experiences and opinions
 
Awesome -the book will be bought asap.
He's always been really open about his PTSD -- I read up about it in the beginning several articles! But I'm going to definitely hit those others up. I never asked about it ever. Its weird because he does lock up sometimes but looking back he's been open about telling me stories and how his head is feeling. He will usually tell me he feels weird and I can ask him questions to pinpoint what about. Sometimes he is suicidal -- thats when he will tell me he feels weird. He takes world events and etc very hard, responds with having no faith in the world and all that. I just listen-- but he does tell me when he feels weirder than normal. Recently he did and we talked through it -- he had missed his last appt with his psychologist and i encouraged him to to gee her asap.

I came into his life while he was already seeking help for his PTSD, he had already been in outpatient once. While we met he did a weekly group, then around Christmas he had to go back to outpatient -- during that time he was undergoing prolonged exposure therapy. He willingly sees his doctors and never forgets his meds. So he is actively seeking help -- i even asked after his discharge if he plans on continuing his treatment and he does. For him his Prolonged Exposure therapy was HARD - but in the end he said it was worth it. They even wanted him to be a spokesperson to help other vets make the decision to do it as well.
I completely believe he has hope -- we both know it will never be gone. but its manageable.

I may delete my other post and move it to relationships -- i'm a little embarrassed at the length of it. so i will see. This is all new to me and truthfully -- talking to people about problems is new to me. I'm usually the listener. I really appreciate any input -- we recently had a discussion that i'm too sensitive -- and I am so i figured id seek out people in the same situation to get more educated on both sides of the relationship.

Thank you so much for responding, it really means a lot to me. and I greatly appreciate you sharing your experiences and opinions.

-Jessica
 
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