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Hello Forum - Sexual Abuse From Family

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by New Mex Apex, Feb 2, 2007.

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  1. New Mex Apex

    New Mex Apex New Member

    I am new here, but have been battling PTSD all my life. Well, not just PTSD, my clinical diagnosis is severe PTSD, severe depression. My history includes sexual traumas from several family members and family friends from the age of 8 through 13. Through my teen and young adult years I blocked the majority of the trauma out, only to have it hit me full force at the age of 26 when I was sexually assaulted at work. Hello trigger. Since then, things went from bad to worse. Work was always my safe place, the only one I really knew, part of the reason I was such a workaholic. Suddenly I was safe nowhere. My stress manifested itself physically, to a debilitating extreme, leaving me totally unable to function.

    I have been going to individual and group therapies for 5 years. I now have a stable and safe home, but I am very hesitant to leave it. I am afraid. Afraid of being triggered and what the repercussions will be...afraid of being attacked again and ending up in the hospital....or even worse, losing my cool and attempting "you know what" and actually succeeding. I do not want to feel, but at the same time I am sick of not feeling. When I do feel it seems that those emotions go to a hightened extreme, uncontrollable, and I just want to squelch them for fear that I will lose control and start teetering on the brink.

    To make matters worse, the offenders are still in my life. And they are the ones with the power. I feel helpless. No one believes me, and there are other kids in the line of fire now. I do not want them to feel as I do, to experience this hell. But everytime I try to tackle this issue I get sick, and end up in the hospital...which has only served to undermine my credibility. I have to keep it together, I have to go to court. I am angry at my situation, and terrified of dealing with it...hello avoidance...but there is more than just me at stake.

    Please forgive the length of this post, this is the incredibly abbreviated version and it still only paints a broad stroke. But you cannot exactly describe a life of trauma in just a few paragraphs, just as you cannot undo a life of trauma in a few sessions.

    LOL this thing is so cute I stuck him in here...Please do not take offense, it is not directed at you.:moon: LMAO
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  3. permban0077

    permban0077 Policy Enforcement Banned

    Welcome to the forum, you will likely find yourself quite at home here.
  4. nov_silence

    nov_silence Well-Known Member

    Glad you found us! Welcome!
  5. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hello new mex, welcome to the forum and glad you found us. I guess the good thing is, is that you know what your trauma is and how things impact you still. Now... to just do something about it all!!!
  6. Marlene

    Marlene I'm a VIP Premium Member

    Welcome to the forum, New Mex.
  7. cookie

    cookie I'm a VIP

    Hey, new mex, welcome to the forum.
  8. Terry

    Terry Well-Known Member

    Welcome Mex. Use whatever whatchamacallit you want. Nobody should be offended. Heck, with all the emotions we go thru in one day they all apply anytime.
  9. wildcritter44

    wildcritter44 Active Member

    :hello: Hello New,

    WELCOME -- Talk (write) away, that is what this place is about..
    Make yourself at home.

    Take CAre

    D( wildcritter)
  10. GR-ass

    GR-ass Well-Known Member

    Welcome Mex hon.

    Glad you found us. Boy do I know what the trigger thing is like *hugs*
    Let me just say that you aren't alone, not in one little bit.

    *hugs tight*
    Why have I gone all overprotective?

    hugs again
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