Hello, It's been awhile

Hi,

It's been awhile since I've posted on here. First, to get everyone updated on current events, I now Identify as as transgendered woman. I've been living completely put as a transwoman for a little while now. My legal first name is now Natalie. That's not really why I'm posting today though. I'm afraid I'm letting the emotional abuse, and manipulation continue. My wife and I are starting divorce papers. We're still living together. She doesn't make me feel as crappy as before, almost like we're friends now. She, however still wants my life to revolve around hers. Us staying in the same house will make the divorce much less complicated. She is seeing, so to speak, a woman who lives in Australia. She has the ultimate goal of moving there, and taking me and our son with her. On one hand I've wanted to live outside the US since I was in high school, on the other, everything I know is here. Still, it feels like my whole life is on hold. I can't meet anyone new to date cause I'll just have to leave them anyway, and I can't advance my career because and new credential I get in my profession, I would just have to redo in Australia. If that wasn't enough, she doesn't even know about any issues we may have with her x and my stepdaughter. He doesn't have parental rights, and he's only allowed to see her in supervised visitation, which he hasn't done in a number of years now, but he's still her father on the birth certificate. If that wasn't enough, her timeline for wanting to move could get in the way of getting the gender affirmation surgery I want. By law, in my state/country, I need a year of real world experience as an out trans-woman. For me that started on march 28th. I don't know how that even works if you move to another country on a work visa. Even though she doesn't seem to be affecting my self esteem the way she used to, given our history, I don't know if I should say screw it, and leave and move on with my life, or if I really want to move almost literally to the opposite side of the world, and put my life on hold till that happens.

Bottom line. I don't know if I really want to go or if I'm just still being manipulated. I don't know if going in the short term is even possible yet.

Feel like my life is so messed up.

Abby
 
Hi again @abbynormal1929. Congratulations on your transition.

Here's the thing about your wife wanting you to move to Australia with her: this is classic abusive partner behavior. In Australia, you won't know anyone except her. You'll be completely dependent on her, even more dependent than you are now. And you're right, the move will require you to put your life on hold for her, so you'll be dependent on her even before all of you leave.

My advice? Get out of this relationship and work towards building a life in which you can move someplace else on your terms, not hers.
 
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