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Supporter Help! firefighter husband has changed. is this ptsd???

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Hi!
I am married to a firefighter 16 years. He is suddenly saying he thinks we should divorce saying he is angry for things in the past. He says he is on a short leash & I don't give him the same freedom of being with friends & not asking for an eta. He has started to go hang out with friends & I have no problem with him doing that. I have told him I want him to have the freedoms he affords me. I have apologize profusely but he is cynical of my sincerity. He is angry & depressed. He drinks a lot every day he is not on shift. Always irritated with the kids, never engaged & is on his phone. He is miserable!

He has kept how he feels inside for almost a year. I never knew how he felt. He does not share how he feels & shuts off his emotions. Cuts people out! He had a rough childhood & has lost his dad, brother & most recently his partner in the line of duty. Lots of bad calls, union stress & is training an Arson dog too.

I fear he has checked out on our marriage & is suffering from depression. Or is it ptsd?

How do you get someone to see they need help with depression ? I want to help him but fear he will reject the idea that he is depressed or needed g help! We are going to a marriage counselor & it has been slow.

How do I help him not hurt ? How do I get him to see I love him & I am sincere??
 
PTSD goes hand in hand with depression. It sounds like it could be both. All you can do is try to encourage (but not press) him to find someone to talk to.
 
I would have to agree with7C's probably both. Getting someone especially some one who has been solid as a rock to admit they are broken and need help. It is a difficult and touchy situation. I think no pressure is a good strategy. You say your husband had a ruff childhood in what way.
I left my wife because I was not able to tell her how my day was everyday when she got home. I could not admit my day was hell and I was broken. I was everyones rock before I broke down. I started to withdraw and to isolate, she would find where I was and ask how my days was. It drove me away because I could not admit I was broken.
 
Only a mental health care professional can diagnose him. He could have it, he could be suffering from depression because of the drinking (alcohol is a depressant) and he could be drinking away the pain of the trauma and PTSD, so many possibilities.

The best thing you can do is to work on you, not because something is wrong with you but because this is very hard to go through. Connecting with a therapist of your own and being as steady and non-reactive as you can be, and avoiding any codependency --- this will all help give you and him the best chance of working it out, and it will go a long ways to help get through it all of things don't work out. Plus, when you normalize getting help and being vulnerable yourself, it might help him know it's ok to get help.
 
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I would have to agree with7C's probably both. Getting someone especially some one who has been solid as...

Thank you for your reply! I can hear your hurt!! He came home to his family's possessions outsidr after being evicted. No one but the dad knew. He was an alcoholic. Many problems among the family resulted among living in hotels & place to place.

He is the stable one in his family but it is crumbling.

Getting conflicting signals . I am So thankful he is going to counseling & willing to meet with the counselor individually to talk but he is angry & reluctant to trust me. I hurt.

How to i help him to see I want to help him!
 
Thank you for your reply! I can hear your hurt!! He came home to his family's possessions outsi...
You are going in the right direction by both of you going to concealing. A councillor is a good person to direct him to proper care and diagnoses. It is a difficult position to be in but lots of couples make it through this. I wish you all the luck for a good out come.
Peace be safe
 
The more you can respond and hold your own boundaries (and healthy boundaries which are not about ch...

You are going in the right direction by both of you going to concealing. A councillor is a good person...

Thank you! We are in counseling. She is committed to helping. My fear is he checks out. I am committed to giving him space, not pressuring & showing him I am sincere in my efforts to communicate & work on our issues.
 
The more you can respond and hold your own boundaries (and healthy boundaries which are not about ch...

I am committed to following through & keeping things positive but I read a lot from his tension & anger

It is tenseness that makes me wonder if things will get better. I am scared!! I feel punished but understand there's hurt. I hurt too! Trying so very hard not to make a misstep!!!
 
Thank you! We are in counseling. She is committed to helping. My fear is he checks out. I am com...
You never know how these thing will come out. I think you are going in the right direction that does not mean it is going to be smooth sailing. If he has PTSD it is a roller coaster ride at best, one day at a time and baby steps are what it takes.
Anger is one of the symptoms that I struggle with and I think many or most of us do to some degree. With me I don't even know what I am angry about and because I am angry I can't think to figure out why, so it is a vicious cycle.
 
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