• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Dom Violence Help! in phx az - left him a year ago & still going through this

Status
Not open for further replies.
A

All alone

I got involved with someone who painted a perfect picture and like a dumbass I fell for it. always being attentive to his other 2 kids and being a loving caring father. Always putting his children's needs before himself. I was a young single mother at that time and so desperately wanted the same for my son at the time, he showed care and interest in us not just me! Thought it was to good to be true. A yr later he started asking me if if we would like to be a part of their lives, I said yes. It was perfect , family time every weekend and once in a while our time. He would make me feel like I was worth it. He would say how his 2 other baby Mama's, yes 2 , never did anything for him. They were the crazy unstable ones and seeing how he always had them I believed him.

A month or 2 passed and we went out to a get together. He was drinking heavily but didnt think it was a big deal. We we're sitting down when my phone rang. He instantly accused me of talking to other men. He started saying he was hurt in his past relationships and he didn't want to go thru it again. I reasured him it was not the case, it was my mother letting me know about my son since I asked about him thru text. He wasn't having it, he grabbed a bottle and smashed it on a brick wall. HUGE RED FLAG but being naive and inexperienced I let it go. He started saying sorry and asking for forgiveness. That he was very passionate about being faithful. I let it go.

A year passed by and he had asked for me to move in. I said yes since nothing major happened since the bottle smashing. It was perfect. I was excited to pick out things for our home, to decorate and have food ready for all of us to eat. What i ended up being was a slave, a baby sitter to his own kids while all he did was drink heavily and demand sex in a non demanding way. I didn't want anymore children so I made sure to have that covered. He was against it. I would tell him life is hard as it is with his 2 children and my baby boy at the time. He wasn't having it, then he started saying I didn't love him, I stood my ground. On Black Friday 2013 I found out I was pregnant. I was in shock. It took a while for me to accept and find a way to tell him. I even considerd having an abortion. I felt lost. God only knows how many times I cried myself to sleep asking him to take my baby who was growing in me. To bless another couple who would love and care for their child. I can't remebere the number of times I called the clinic to have it done . It hit me when the receptionist said ,you know the longer you wait, the more expensive it is. Who was I to take the life of an innocent child who never asked to be here? Even with bc he came. The day came I told him.

He was in shock then disbelief then fake excited. The next 8 months were hell. From almost running me over with his truck to him emotionally abusing my son and I. He had no regards for my baby boy at the time who saw and heard everything. Why didn't I run! I hate myself so much for it. He started using drugs when it was plain as daylight. Of course he denied. More than once did he get drunk and have fantasies of us being robbed in our own home, his excuse to have his gun out. When he would get paranoid that someone was trying to get in our home, he would get drunk and sleep in the bed of his truck with his loaded gun on his chest. Since he would park literally by our door I would be so afraid he would come in and have it accidentally go off. It was horrible thing to be living daily.

I decided to reach out for help and I got ignored to the point I had lost all hope. Then the day my precious youngest baby boy arrived. He was so fake. From being abusive and angry all the time to happy and loving. Just as he fooled me in the beginning. When my family left he decided to go get me food down the street. He took 5hrs. He came back showered and nicely dressed smelling heavily of cologne. I knew he was on drugs because of how he was acting.

The day came to go home. He never payed attention to us. He claimed I was seeing other men as soon as I was released from the hospital. He raped me fresh out . I cried in silent only to have him say he was sorry and act as nothing. Another night he was drunk we we're sitting watching a movie and he decided to come out jerking off and pissed on me with our newborn son as I was nursing him. He laughed and said oh sorry. The next night I was up with our son and was running out of diapers. I decided to wake him up since he was always asleep, I remeber so clearly him laughing and saying not my f*cking problem and went back to sleep. Again I cried in silent and asking God why! I had to walk to the store with my son only to have him say we're was I and how worried he was.

There was a day I had enough. It was when I had a doctor's appointment and he would let me use his truck or take me. He stood over the toilet facing the wall we're he kept his gun. He grabbed it and pointed it at us. He threatened to kill us or himself and throw us out the window. I had enough. I called the cops as soon as I had a chance. Cops came and demanded me to stay in the room. As soon as he opened the door I ran towards it. The officer said if I was ok as I had tears down my face . They filed a report and took his gun away. He had his it from them. They ended up taking him for a warrant he was avoiding for yrs. The officer told me how lucky I was because if it wasn't for the warrant he would still be here regardless if they had taken the gun and how our neighbors heard everything.

As soon as he was in jail he called me and said sorry. He had said be careful. Careful as in he was gonna have ppl get me. I was in constant fear. I had no one. Then one day a letter came in saying all charges were were dropped. I felt worse. He still controlled and manipulated me even tho he was not physically here. So much more has happened and I doubt anyone would keep reading.

I'm still going thru this even tho I left him a yr go. He plays the victim and perfect father card when I know and his exes know the truth. The second incident involved cops again this time no report. The officers refused to do one since in their words, do you know how many calls we get for this? He flips everything to make me look like he crazy one. All I know his background doesn't help. I need someone to guide me. Plz help
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hi there, I am sorry you have been through this, he sounds horrid. Have you contacted any domestic violence organisations? They often have people you can talk to.

What kind of help is it you are looking for?
You could join the forum here and talk with others who have been through similar things.
Best x
 
Does he still contact you or you just hear about him from other people? If he contacts you file a protection order. Does he have any type of court ordered visitation with your mutual child? If not I would ignore him and any attempts he makes to contact you. If he does, only talk to him about the child and that's it. I hope he isn't getting visitation.

It doesn't surprise me the cops didn't do a report. They should have no matter how many calls they get but it is what it is.

My ex husband is a meth addict. Luckily I never had a gun in the house nor could he afford one because if we had I'm sure I'd be dead right now. He's in jail for burglary that got reduced to trespassing and possession (that he did a day after our daughter had major surgery). And then after he gets out for that later this year, he has another burglary case from Dec 2016 to deal with. I hope he gets put away for a long time for that one.

He was the same way - granted he never did rape me nor do some of the things your ex did...but I had a scare when our daughter was 8 months old. I thought I was pregnant. If I had been I would have had an abortion. No doubt. Not just because of him being a shitty dad - but I know we both gave our daughter the genetic kidney disorder she has and I'm not willing to allow another child to go through what she has gone through.

If he doesn't have anything court ordered as far as paternal rights and visitation, just ignore him. Don't let him near your kid.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top