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Supporter Help...my ptsd partner left me and i want him back...

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almosthappy

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My PTSD partner (former military) opted to call off our relationship and told me to find someone else when I voiced my frustrations with him emotionally blocking me from ‘loving’ him and vice versa as his own self-protection. He was terrified of his feelings for me and that I would end up cheating on him and hurting me like his last three relationships...and ultimately, he found relationships stressful.


All I wanted to do was love him and have him let me into his life. I know he adores me and he didn’t want us to break up but his reaction was extreme and abnormal with zero compromise…it was really just a normal, garden variety “couples fight” where we were both sorting out our own past relationship insecurities and how our relationship would work moving forward. Nothing bad.


I didn’t do anything awful but he cut me from his life with sledge hammer brutality/cruelty…he wouldn’t respond to my messages, calls, dinner invite, he returned a gift and unfriended me on Facebook. He has told me he cuts people from his life. I know he is devastated and hurt and I’ve respected his decision and given him space (many weeks now). I was of course utterly heartbroken and devastated because it was definitely not what I wanted and being cut from his life caused immeasurable pain.


He has since used a fake profile to contact me on a dating website and I know for 100% it is him. I can only guess he MUST regret his rash actions around our break-up but he is so stubborn, he won’t do anything to fix this situation of his own accord…it would have to be me instigating it. It’s like the fake profile is the only way he feels safe to have contact with me.


I don’t want to pressure him but I care so deeply about him – there is no way in the world, I deserved to be cut from his life like this (I didn’t cheat or do anything awful…my ‘crime’ was that I adored him and wanted our relationship to work/function). I want to reach out to him but of course, I am afraid that it will be met with brutal silence OR rejection again.


HELP…
 
there is no way in the world, I deserved to be cut from his life like this (I didn’t cheat or do anything awful…my ‘crime’ was that I adored him and wanted our relationship to work/function). I want to reach out to him but of course, I am afraid that it will be met with brutal silence OR rejection again.

When someone breaks up with you, tells you not to contact them, then further goes to the effort of blocking all of your calls/texts/emails/invites/social media/etc. to prevent you contacting them... And you continue to try to contact them, that's called stalking.

You can break up with someone for any reason, at any time. They could be practically perfect in every way, but you just don't want to be in a relationship, and voila. Done. It's not about whether or not someone deserves to be broken up with. It takes 2 yes, but only 1 no.
 
If nothing changes then nothing changes.

How do you see things being different in the future even IF (and that is one hell of an IF) he were to decide to resume contact with you?
 
Okay, to be on a more positive side...

Could you elaborate more on the dating situation and provide some content and context as to what he (if that is him) says?

Do not forget wishful thinking is quite a force to be reckoned with, so what tells you its him?

And regardig your attempts to contact him, how... strong were they?
 
@almosthappy so sorry you are going through this right now, I truly know how tough it is. For the interim, try to be calm and quiet for yourself. It will help absorb the "what the hell just happened?" feeling as your brain will naturally and frantically drive itself crazy searching for answers.

I have given up trying to figure out and rationalize the manifestations of PTSD. They are very real things but that doesn't mean they make sense. Instead I simply view as "it is what it is". I am currently shut out again (I think my particular crime was showing affection and buying a birthday gift) and not sure why nor how long it will last for this time. It may be a permanent arrangement, who knows...my brain is too exhausted to worry about it.
 
Ultimately, what @Friday said. It takes 2 yeses, but only 1 no.

It sucks so badly. I was let go after 7+ years together (5+ of them married). It hurts, and it probably always will. There will be no "closure" for me, even though we are still in contact.

It hurts, but you will eventually be able to move on. You just have to let yourself. Figure out your boundaries, your needs, your wants, your desires (outside of your relationship with him, that is...do this for yourself), and learn (and truly believe and know) that they matter.

The only person you can change, or depend on, is yourself.

*lol* This journey has led me to repeat so many cliches like that, that have proven to be true.
 
Everyone’s post have been so helpful. My partner initially broke up with me back in August and since then we have been in constant contact and maintaining a decent friendship. I even helped him with some personal issues back in September and again in November. Right before Thanksgiving, he decided to break up again and to isolate; so needless to say, I have had the regular contact I had before. Before the break up, he blamed me for some very unreasonable reasons to break up. He also seemed very distant and in the dark. I contacted him earlier this week and he responded and explained that he was doing well, but needed a little more time and that he forgave me for blowing up at him by email and he also apologized for not being available. I have to explain that I love this man immensely and I’m sure he loves me; as we always told each other often. I pray constantly that he returns to me but if he doesn’t, I’ll have to live with that. I know that ptsd causes extreme behavior changes and it’s sometimes impossible for supporters to regain trust. If I’m given at least one more chance, I know I have another chance to show who i am. I am aware that no matter what, it can still happen again and again and again. I guess I just don’t give up that easy. Have a Merry Christmas everyone.
 
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