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Help! Seeing A New Shrink Again

Discussion in 'Treatment & Therapy' started by catatonicky, Jan 29, 2007.

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  1. catatonicky

    catatonicky Member

    Today i go see another psychiatrist. I really do - not want to go. I've written before about my generally negative, on-off relationships with therapists. How many times do i have to tell my sad and sorry tale of woe? How can i sit there and with a wooden face explain that i feel suicidal, self-harm, dissociate, blah de blah de blah. I wish i could just have it all written down and just hand it to her. I have a bloody file 5 inches thick in the mental health system, but this is a private psych. So here we go again. I can already feel myself anxing up and freezing over. I dont know if i can keep doing this. I've come out is a rash of hives, have diarreah, feel like shit. i know i'm avoiding it, denying it, that i probly need to go, but its just so damn depressing "going there yet again". Even acknowledging that, actually, i live there every day but pretend that i dont. You know the episode in the Simpsons where everything goes wrong, Homer loses his job etc, and they go "What shall we do" "I know, lets go live UNDER THE SEA" (cue music) Well thats where i want to live now.......:doh:
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  3. elvis

    elvis Active Member

    you're honesty is courageous. i want that. and admire your perserverance.
  4. Zilly

    Zilly New Member

    The Invitation

    It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
    I want to know what you ache for,
    and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

    It doesn't interest me how old you are.
    I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love,
    for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon.
    I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
    if you have been opened by life's betrayals
    or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain.
    I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own,
    if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic,
    or to remember the limitations of being human.

    It doesn't interest me if the story you're telling me is true.
    I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself,
    if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

    I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

    ]I want to know if you can see beauty even when its not pretty every day,
    and if you can source your life from God's presence.

    I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine,
    and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"

    It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.
    I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair,
    weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done for the children.

    It doesn't interest me who you are, how you came to be here.
    I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

    It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied.
    I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

    I want to know if you can be alone with yourself,
    and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

    *Please do not copy and paste from anything except wordpad or notepad due to excessive tags left in posts that must be edited out.*
  5. catatonicky

    catatonicky Member


    Thanks elvis, i needed to hear that. It helped me pull myself together and go and see the doc. She actually seems very good and is willing to see me several times a week - wow!
    and thanks Zilly, that is the most beautiful, and true, profound poem......
    I'm going to keep on persevering with therapy. See, this board has helped me already!
  6. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    I have moved this thread from the trauma diaries, as it is more reflective of general chat, not a trauma diary in essence.
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