HELP! Today's therapy session went horribly wrong. Panic during a ‘relaxation’ exercise??

[DogTired]

Night time, and I can't fight off my demons anymore. It goes like this.
Combat exposed me to horrific things. After 30 years plus of coping, BANG! They're back, in glorious color..
The flashbacks I can cope with but the nightmares are not nice. Not nice at all.
I see, feel, smell, hear, and relive, in real time, while interacting with the team I worked with.
The 'film' runs in 3 ways.
1. The nightmare runs it's course. I wake up, usually noisily. My wife can calm me down BUT that's sleep for the night finished.
2. The nightmare is running, I'm either thrashing about or talking in a language I once knew. Wife wakes me, mid dream, calms me, I go back to sleep.
3. The nightmare runs, I don't wake up or wake the wife, but in the morning we have to change the bed as I'm soaked in sweat. Nice eh.

Today the therapist tried a little bit of 'relaxation training' over a secure video link.
To say I reacted BADLY during it, is putting it politely. Panic, the shakes, and utter confusion.
To the question "What the hell just happened"? The therapist just sat there seemingly lost for words.
I think I scared him as he is going to consult his senior therapist on why and what to do next and that was the video call finished.

Now I'm thinking was "relaxation training" a code word for hypnosis as I have no idea what happened to trigger such a reaction.
I literally "woke up" in a state of confusion, swamped by emotions and pain, I've seldom experienced for years.

Simple question. Has anyone experienced something like this?

 

[DogTired]

I've also had similar things happen. Relaxing does not feel safe, so it's not only hard to do, it's also triggering because of things that have happened. I have a really good trauma therapist now, and he knows me well. That took time, and we had a couple of set backs where I went back and told him about what he said or did that was not ok with me. He apologized, and we moved forward. He said that me telling him what and why it bothered me helped him to know how to better help me and navigate therapy with me.

That's interesting as I have not been told what type of therapist is dealing with me, just one who has "experience" of dealing with vets suffering with PTSD.
I'm thinking it's time for an in depth look at this gentleman. (I'll be back!)

 

[DogTired]

Thanks for explaining this. I've experienced this as well. Most grounding exercises freak me out.

That's interesting as I have not been told what type of therapist is dealing with me, just one who has "experience" of dealing with vets suffering with PTSD.
I'm thinking it's time for an in depth look at this gentleman. (I'll be back!)

I'm back and not happy.
I'll just have an in depth look at this gentleman. He's a "Mind & Breath Trainer" and a hypnotherapist, BUT I can't find him on any professional Psychologist listing in the UK. Tomorrows phone call to the contracting firm could turn out to be "interesting".

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm back and not happy.
I'll just have an in depth look at this gentleman. He's a "Mind & Breath Trainer" and a hypnotherapist, BUT I can't find him on any professional Psychologist listing in the UK. Tomorrows phone call to the contracting firm could turn out to be "interesting".

How did you and him get in contact?
He isn't registered with BACP or anything? And doesn't have any experience with PTSD?

 

[DogTired]

How did you and him get in contact?
He isn't registered with BACP or anything? And doesn't have any experience with PTSD?

Got to make two phone calls today.
First to the charity that put me in contact with him.
Then BACP just to make sure I'm searching their database correctly.

 

[DogTired]

Got to make two phone calls today.
First to the charity that put me in contact with him.
Then BACP just to make sure I'm searching their database correctly.

That went well! At least half of it did. BACP, no trace found. Charity?
Add Psychology today (GB) Nope, Another branch of Psychology today PTSD/Trauma Councillors uk, nope.

 

[Movingforward10]

That went well! At least half of it did. BACP, no trace found. Charity?
Add Psychology today (GB) Nope, Another branch of Psychology today PTSD/Trauma Councillors uk, nope.

This is where it really should be mandatory to be registered to be able to work as a therapist in the UK.

 

[DogTired]

This is where it really should be mandatory to be registered to be able to work as a therapist in the UK.

No argument from me. I'm fed up with "controlling my breath", while fools say nightmares have no breath so don't exist. I would love to see them survive for just one night fighting my demons.

 

[hypervigilant]

I went to a talking therapist over 25 years ago when I was first aware I was abused.on the third session she tried the Russian doll technique that takes you back to childhood. She opened up a whole can of worms and didn't know how to deal with me. I was a mess for a while, nightmares, no control of my emotions contstantly in tears. She had literally opened Pandora,s box but hadn't the skills to deal with the aftermath.
I struggled awhile trying to return the stuff myself as no one knew how to fix me.
Some therapists do more harm than good as they don't know enough to deal with what emerges. I'm now careful who helps me and I warn them that there's some very heavy stuff buried deep.
There are so many triggers that only you will know. Relaxing takes a lot of bravery as it's something I never did. Letting go totally is the same thing we are used to playing our cards tight and only trusting ourselves. It's hard to trust another person unless you are sure they can cope with what you reveal.
Really good therapists are few and far between. Reading the books and passing exams is not the same as someone who has lived it. I've had therapists gasp in shock and cry hearing my story. That doesn't help and I then know they cannot begin to fathom what I need.

 

[DogTired]

I went to a talking therapist over 25 years ago when I was first aware I was abused.on the third session she tried the Russian doll technique that takes you back to childhood. She opened up a whole can of worms and didn't know how to deal with me. I was a mess for a while, nightmares, no control of my emotions contstantly in tears. She had literally opened Pandora,s box but hadn't the skills to deal with the aftermath.
I struggled awhile trying to return the stuff myself as no one knew how to fix me.
Some therapists do more harm than good as they don't know enough to deal with what emerges. I'm now careful who helps me and I warn them that there's some very heavy stuff buried deep.
There are so many triggers that only you will know. Relaxing takes a lot of bravery as it's something I never did. Letting go totally is the same thing we are used to playing our cards tight and only trusting ourselves. It's hard to trust another person unless you are sure they can cope with what you reveal.
Really good therapists are few and far between. Reading the books and passing exams is not the same as someone who has lived it. I've had therapists gasp in shock and cry hearing my story. That doesn't help and I then know they cannot begin to fathom what I need.

Hi and thanks for the reply.
You're number 3 to point out that deep triggers need to be considered.
It is one of the things I'm going to have a bitch about with my liaison as NO ONE (this time around) has sat back and said "Tell me all about it".
I've tried to point that out to the three "pseudo professionals" I've worked with so far, to silence. My boss (wife) has said she wants me to continue as any help is better than none. She's right, as usual, but the anger within is back, and that's not a good thing.

 

[hypervigilant]

Yes I've been told any help is better than none too. I have two minds on that as a bad therapist can do more damage. I told my last triage that I had been badly triggered during a session and they now give me shallow counselling and are aware that therapy can in itself be a huge trigger. Now I just to have a counsellor that's willing to deal with triggering me at a deeper level to help OR should I let that sleeping dog lie.

 

[Ecdysis]

Hi @DogTired

You've gotten some great advice here. I hope you can make some progress with this problem.

Unfortunately, as every case of PTSD is so unique, there's a LOT of trial and error figuring it out and unfortunately basically a lot of it is up to us to figure out. I wonder sometimes what trauma therapy will be like in 100 years... Whether they'll have finally figured it out by then.

When I'm frustrated by the poor standard of care, which is often, I try to tell myself that it's good that I wasn't born 50 years earlier or a 100 years earlier or in a much poorer country, cos then I'd have no mental health system at all... I know it's small comfort sometimes, but it does help me see the glass half full. But then I've been doing trauma therapy for 20+ years now, so I'm through the initial utterly confusing and totally horrible phase...

Do you mind me asking what defense passive is/ how it works? (No in depth details required, of course, if that's difficult to talk about.)

 

[hypervigilant]

The UK system is so frustrating. I live in East Anglia and we have 1 psychiatrist for that area so seeing him isn't possible as the waiting list is up to 8 years. The local county system is a very light touch with courses on self esteem, coping with depression etc and you can do any or all of these courses 3 times before they consider you for deeper counselling which involves group therapy and DBT for BPD. I've been lumped into a diagnosis as that's the only help available.
I'm not sure how much detail I can go into but I know it needs unravelling. I hate this one size fits all approach. I cannot afford therapy myself as I barely work anymore and have no pension so it's just PIP that I survive on.