General Help

I am looking for help for my significant other who suffers with PTSD
not from military but from an extremely traumatic experience he’s had thru his childhood and adult life
I’m there for him no matter what but does not really let anyone in
I know he loves me and my son
Both of us have had troubled past marriage
My faith in God is strong but still it’s hard
My whole life is devoted to us as a family
And if I have not mentioned it my son who is adult now but not really as he suffers from autism and border.ine mr
If anyone can relate please reach out because I love my family Michael and my son
Any help is appreciated
Thank you in advance
Kim
 
Has your partner ever had any therapy, or worked with a psychologist or psychiatrist?
No I’ve tried to get him to go but he is in denial

Can you give any examples of when he hasn't opened up to you in your eyes? And what was going on at the time. I think giving some examples will help others help you better.
He has opened up to me plenty just won’t see a therapist
When he has a PTSD moment usually in the evenings, days are good
He just gets so angry and says things that later he regrets

What kind of help are you looking for?

I’m fairly certain most of us can relate generally; as we either have PTSD, love someone who has PTSD, or both... but what’s going on specifically that you’d like to connect with?
A cure just a cure
 

Friday

Moderator
A cure just a cure
That’s very much like wanting a cure for diabetes. There might be one someday, but there isn’t one now.

I use diabetes as an example, because it parallels really well.
  • Both PTSD & Diabetes are incurable, but extremely manageable. That doesn’t mean either are easy to manage, although over time it becomes 2nd nature to do what needs doing, as it need doing.
  • Both PTSD & Diabetes are potentially lethal, and when unmanaged can be ticking along “fine” until KABOOM the effects over time suddenly come crashing down all at once.
  • Both, even when well managed, will have the occasional symptom spike for no reason whatsoever... or for durn good reason, that you’d thought you’d accounted for, aaaaand? Nope. Or that, even with exquisite management, are just surprised by something you “should” have accounted for, usually do, and just messed this one up.
  • Both are extremely sensitive to outside sources (stress or sugar), and the art of living WELL with both of them is very much an art; and requires a lot of careful attention and adjustment both daily as well as paying attention to what’s going on in the overall arc. As you have a special needs kid that 2nd one, which confuses a lot of people, will make perfect sense. Day to day can be totally normal, but day AFTER day starts building up a toll, and you’ll need time periodically to recharge your reserves in addition to the smaller day to day moments... if you want to not lose your ever lovin mind. Most parents experience rhat when kids are young, but the special needs community is looking at both a radically different timeline and different pressures. Same sort of thing.
  • Both PTSD & Diabetes have to use a combo of treatments in order to best manage. Some diabetics can manage with diet & exercise alone, others need to add insulin (but the meds aren’t a get out of jail free, card. If your diet and exercise sucks, you’re going to be a hurtin’ puppy). Ditto, meds help SOME people with PTSD (there are no meds specifically FOR PTSD, instead one may choose to medicate the worst of some symptoms) but meds alone, without stress management &/or therapy will leave you a hurtin’ puppy).
  • Both conditions drive loved ones craaaaaaaazy as the management of their condition is something only they can do... and sometimes? They’re crap at it. And you just want to shake them, or use TheForce to MAKE them do what will help them. But noooooooooo. Argh. Brick wall. Bang head.

The following 2 articles are a reeeally good place to start in learning the ins & outs of PTSD, but I’d even more strongly recommend the 3rd, targeted specifically at supporters FOR supporters. Because, just like a special needs child is going to have different challenges than a special needs parent? The parent still has challenges, up to their freaking eyeballs. They’re simply different than their kid’s challenges.

The ptsd cup explanation

Understanding post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd)

General - Important Supporter Information

^^^^ Is also pinned to the top of the Supporter Discussion Forum
 
Last edited:
That’s very much like wanting a cure for diabetes. There might be one someday, but there isn’t one now.

I use diabetes as an example, because it parallels really well.
  • Both PTSD & Diabetes are incurable, but extremely manageable. That doesn’t mean either are easy to manage, although over time it becomes 2nd nature to do what needs doing, as it need doing.
  • Both PTSD & Diabetes are potentially lethal, and when unmanaged can be ticking along “fine” until KABOOM the effects over time suddenly come crashing down all at once.
  • Both, even when well managed, will have the occasional symptom spike for no reason whatsoever... or for durn good reason, that you’d thought you’d accounted for, aaaaand? Nope. Or that, even with exquisite management, are just surprised by something you “should” have accounted for, usually do, and just messed this one up.
  • Both are extremely sensitive to outside sources (stress or sugar), and the art of living WELL with both of them is very much an art; and requires a lot of careful attention and adjustment both daily as well as paying attention to what’s going on in the overall arc. As you have a special needs kid that 2nd one, which confuses a lot of people, will make perfect sense. Day to day can be totally normal, but day AFTER day starts building up a toll, and you’ll need time periodically to recharge your reserves in addition to the smaller day to day moments... if you want to not lose your ever lovin mind. Most parents experience rhat when kids are young, but the special needs community is looking at both a radically different timeline and different pressures. Same sort of thing.
  • Both PTSD & Diabetes have to use a combo of treatments in order to best manage. Some diabetics can manage with diet & exercise alone, others need to add insulin (but the meds aren’t a get out of jail free, card. If your diet and exercise sucks, you’re going to be a hurtin’ puppy). Ditto, meds help SOME people with PTSD (there are no meds specifically FOR PTSD, instead one may choose to medicate the worst of some symptoms) but meds alone, without stress management &/or therapy will leave you a hurtin’ puppy).
  • Both conditions drive loved ones craaaaaaaazy as the management of their condition is something only they can do... and sometimes? They’re crap at it. And you just want to shake them, or use TheForce to MAKE them do what will help them. But noooooooooo. Argh. Brick wall. Bang head.

The following 2 articles are a reeeally good place to start in learning the ins & outs of PTSD, but I’d even more strongly recommend the 3rd, targeted specifically at supporters FOR supporters. Because, just like a special needs child is going to have different challenges than a special needs parent? The parent still has challenges, up to their freaking eyeballs. They’re simply different than their kid’s challenges.

The ptsd cup explanation

Understanding post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd)

General - Important Supporter Information

^^^^ Is also pinned to the top of the Supporter Discussion Forum
Thank you?
 

lostforgottensoul

MyPTSD Pro
He just gets so angry and says things that later he regrets

Like what? I meant specific examples because one can give overall all advise but its not specific for your specific issues and how to help you the best.

You can't help him. Only he can help himself. You can only lay down boundaries for yourself and take care of your own mental health. You can only help you, if that makes sense. But specifics would be easier to give advise for on how to handle it as a supporter.


A cure just a cure

We all want a cure but unfortunately there is no cure for PTSD. One can manage it where it's not effecting them anymore and one can even manage it to a point where they wouldn't fit the diagnosis criteria anymore but then it could pop back up years later and start effecting them again. PTSD is a brain change. The trauma changes the way the brain works. As much as that blows, it just is the way it is.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
A cure just a cure
He's never seen a mental health professional - so, unless he's willing to motivate his own recovery, which would likely require an active participation in some kind of support network as well as some amount of reading up on PTSD, what it is, etc...I don't see how he can move forward, let alone go into remission.

Are you certain it's PTSD, or is it possible it's something else?

How about you, in terms of mental health support? Are you able to see a counselor or therapist, or talk with anyone in your 3-D life about how you are coping?
 
He's never seen a mental health professional - so, unless he's willing to motivate his own recovery, which would likely require an active participation in some kind of support network as well as some amount of reading up on PTSD, what it is, etc...I don't see how he can move forward, let alone go into remission.

Are you certain it's PTSD, or is it possible it's something else?

How about you, in terms of mental health support? Are you able to see a counselor or therapist, or talk with anyone in your 3-D life about how you are coping?
It’s definitely PTSD diagnosed
 
I am looking for help for my significant other who suffers with PTSD
^This is what you first asked.

He just gets so angry and says things that later he regrets
This is unacceptable behaviour regardless of whether he's got ptsd or not. What does 'regretting' his words mean?

Does it compensate for the hurt you feel?

Does he regret it enough to not do it again? No?! Does he blame it on his ptsd? Or do you? Yes?

Not good enough imo. Regardless, if he truly regrets - he'll do something about it. You should expect him to do so. Letting him off with 'never mind it's the pstd' is bs as if there is no way to stop it happening again and is tantamount to accepting the behaviour and all of it's implications and even escalation.

No I’ve tried to get him to go but he is in denial
^This (ptsd) then is his problem. He is responsible for his choices.. even if that is denial.

Unless and until he hurts you? What will be the tipping point for you? Remember harm comes in many forms. Physical, emotional and mental. Then the choice you have is whether or not you choose to continue to allow him to pay-out on you for a problem that can and should be managed much better by him.

Get some help for yourself. You are so mired in his helplessness that you defend it. Don't wait for him to go so far.

What do you want? To be happy and live peacefully? I'm sure. Your happiness should not be at peril because of his anger & inappropriate outbursts. If he chooses to do this to himself, then he also does it to you.

Take a step back, you are not helpless or at his whim. He can be in denial all he likes but he cannot and shouldn't make you pay for it too.
 
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