Sufferer Here because it never ends

JGirl

Confident
I just realized that there is an introductions thread.

So Hello.

I don't know what so say about me, except that i'm here because the trauma in my life never ends. It started with being traumatized by my sister when i was little and notw the shit in my life just keeps happening over and over. Everytime I get on my feet. BAM! I get knocked down again, and then I realize that i was just pretending to be ok.

People have told me that I am strong. Sometimes I even fool myself into believing it. I'm not. im weak. Everytime something new happens, i get retraumatized and fall apart.

I worked so f*cking hard while others tried to hold me back so I could do my dream job. Now I can't do it because I keep having to deal with the shit that all the f*ckin losers in my life did to me.

I just realized that this is more of a vent than an introduction. Sorry. I'm in a funk right now.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @JGirl welcome to the site. Good introduction. Doesn't matter that it's a vent! Life can be a Bastard can't it. Get knocked down, pull ourselves up again, feel like we're making progress then something else happens. It can seem never ending. Do you have a therapist? What's your support network like? Family? Friends? Work?
 
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JGirl

Confident
@Survivor3 You definitely get it! I have a therapist that is very skilled with childhood trauma. She works with both children and adults. My husband and kids are good supports (youngest child is 20) but I try not to lean on them too much because they are dealing with their own issues. My parents can be supportive, but they have a lot of health issues and can also be very triggering. My sisters, I only talk to right now if I feel like I am heading towards being actively suicidal. Otherwise I can't handle being around them. Friends- I have a 2 that I can really talk to. I tend to push a lot of people away though. I'm currently on leave from work. I am grade 1/2 teacher. I am given a lot of students who struggle because I am very caring and able to support them where they are at. Aside from the job in general just being super stressful, it can also be triggering to me. So my support system is pretty good. I have to choose the right person to go to at the time. I always know that I can call the local helpline if I feel like I can't be alone.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
That's great. You've actually got alot in place and that makes life easier. I understand though how sometimes even though there is a support network things can be very hard indeed. This is a great place to vent and find support from others. Keep on posting. 🙂
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Happy you found us and also happy to know you have a good support net around you despite everything.

I completely get the "it never ends" part. Trauma leaves us f*cked up and struggling with the stupidest things, while also being more vulnerable to retraumatization. It makes us somewhat fragile BUT. Building it again every time? Picking the pieces every day? It takes a lot of courage and energy and that is strength.

And despite we feel weak and vulnerable that kind of strength is valuable and I think people are correct in saying you're strong even if I understand internally it doesn't feel like this.

Welcome on board and I hope you'll find this a useful and nice place. Inclusively to vent. 😎
 
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