This is mostly a rant of sort. I know none of you can really help. But, I have suddenly started back into diverticulitis. I took myself to the hospital a month ago for an attack, in the middle of the night. Calling an ambulance seemed too embarrassing and I didn't want any nosey neighbors getting involved, whom I do not know, anyway. I have been hospitalized in acute care and have had many ER and Dr. visits with this stuff. Most folks would have a resection surgery but because of too many abdominal surgeries, no one wants to touch me with a ten foot pole, so we try to manage the attacks with meds. The thought that I may have to go to the ER in a few hours, by myself again, is making the PTSD come alive. This time, my coping skills are falling apart. And hubby is on the east coast and there is no family here. If I have to go back to the ER, I have to leave the house unlocked, so someone can come in and feed the pup and cat, just in case they keep me again. I am sooooooo tired of hurting and having to deal with these attacks. And each hospital visit entails needles, which is part of my PTSD difficulties. The PTSD complicates things. I think I need to give myself permission and go have a good cry... I feel like this time, to deal with this stuff is too much emotionally. Enough is enough. And on top of this, I am supposed to go sit with a 94 year old lady, to make sure she stays safe until her son gets home. I was the only one who was available to help. Sigh. Maybe the distraction will help...maybe this attack will die down. One can only hope.