Here we go again...


Nightmares and vivid dreams coming round again. Had one the other night about being on a ship, in rank file, chanting then suddenly being pushed closer together. Close ranks. Protect against the threat. Protect the whole. Terrorists approaching. I'm on the edge of the group but then I'm not, I look and someone younger than me is now there. Fear, terror in her eyes. Physically smaller and weaker than me. Then the threat comes, knife in hand. Someone from the back of the group steps out to draw them away. It works. He throws the knife, it misses and I chose to wake up, terrified.
Then last night, another dream that my therapist died. I wasn't supposed to be at the funeral, but I was, somehow, but in a separate room. Her son came round to greet everyone. Somehow we all end up in the same room, looking up the hill to where she was burried. Then we are climbing the hill. Well, they are, her children. I was standing to one side, watching, but somehow still rising with them. They told me a story how her husband carried her up the steep hill when she couldn't walk up it. Of past family outings, of good times up the hill. I became friends with her children. Met another therapist but it felt like I was still speaking with the current one. Very confusing.

I hate dreams/nightmares, but I know now that they serve a purpose, not least to remind me that there is unfinished/unprocessed business to attend to.


New Here
I had these doomsday dreams all when I was growing up. I am still having them now, but different - because the surroundings are different.

I think my childhood terrors could make block-buster movies… but those have faded.

Weird note-I actually like to have these dreams, because I want my brain to work, and do what it needs to do. Other weird note, it is quite disturbing. Because - well - I want to sleep and dream of good things.

I know when I dream, I am giving a chance for memories to be built. But I know my dreams over the last couple nights are a result of not being supported by the people who I love and supported.

I live in the Las Vegas desert. But I dreamt of an old house in a swampy area. I don’t remember much of it now, but it was distressing. Like if I found that place to run away to, I couldn’t do enough to scrub the mold and mildew off of the walls.

There was some storyline, and I kept changing it.

Sadly. I think that why I’m having dreams where I can’t dig-out.

in my case, my older brother emerged as a narcissist or something like that, when I got married and started to help my mom.

the more I try to expose him, the further I am alone with mom. It’s poor conduct on their parts, but my brain cannot compute how the other siblings rationalize it. It can, but it works in overdrive to remember and recount factual lies. But no one is listening…

in comes the fatigue. Then the days when, like today, I sleep in and dream. And I can see that my dreams are not subtle. They are chasing things, and finding no way out.

I guess my point is that I do feel helped right now by your story of dreams. Dreams are when our brains integrate, right?

it takes me everything I have to hold-my-tongue… and I often don’t. But it’s not working for me because I am not interacting that these people who are my amazing brother’s- but they aren’t amazing anymore. They confuse me.
My older sibling attacked me and got very narcissistic and that took 5 years off of my life to absorb- and my siblings refused ito see it.

I guess what I’m getting at - is I wonder if you are trying to stabilize, but like me and still in disbelief that no one who means something (or everything) to you is giving you love and support that sensitive types need?

I don’t know, but I think what is happening in my life is that I find it very hard to grab onto loving people, and keep them at a distance because family should come first.
But as amazing as they are, and as I amazing as I am, gossip prevented loving things.

maybe I’m saying dynamic dreams are dynamic relationships. Trying.

I never had these symptoms when I felt loved.

I want to know what’s going on!

if you’re hurting like I hurt, on my experience it’s highly likely that you are trying to figure out how to navigate a cold world. The circle we know. What we expect and what is happening.

Idk how to shift that.
But you have my love.


New Here
I think that I had these dreams because as a sibling of 4, to a single parent, we did not get a chance to bond with her and feel safe. She didn’t touch or hug us. But that was who she was. She left my older brother and I alone to fend for ourselves and avoid stranger-danger.
But simultaneously put us into private schools. Gave every penny she had to educate and surround us with something she could do.

I think brains grow - like plants grow.

I fully understand that the sociopaths around my life may have been at a deficit, but that they made a choice.
My older brother is like a twin, on the opposite spectrum. He had the empathy facets, he might have had them smaller, but he chose —- every time since he was 5 years old… that he knew more than anyone else and no one could tell him.

nature or nurture?
All sociopaths know loving people. They choose it.
We shouldn’t struggle, but we do when our issues and others are at apex.
How do we calm that?

you guys jump-in.