Sufferer Hi :3 From Germany - Dissociative Amnesia, Abusive Relationship, & Possible CSA


New Here
Heya everyone,

I think I should have done this a long time ago, but I never introduced myself and felt a bit uncomfortable to browse and read the stuff posted here so "anonymous".

I'm not a native speaker, I'm a 33 year old female from germany.

I can hardly word it what I been through, but I suffer for all my life, as long as I can remember.
Which leads to one of my biggest issues, which has never been taken serious so far from any of my therapists.
I suffer from dissociative amnesia, I keep forgetting almost everything (which leads to pretty embarrassing situations sometimes).
I have been in an abusive/toxic relationship for almost 2,5 years and after discovering too much I got discarded (forgot when the last contact was, something around early September 2019 iirc) . This has been maybe the most hurting experience in my life next to the the death of my father and the abuse.
I'm not sure about the abuse yet, it's going on for like half a year now that "memories" come up in form of flashbacks and nightmares. If those memories are somewhat real I have been physically and sexual abused as child. I haven't talked to any of my relatives about it yet, I just can't I don't know. I had to open a bit about that I'm not feeling well but more then a hint towards my mum that memories from the past are coming up haven't been possible so far for me.
During the Corona lock down I barely left the house anymore and have almost no social contacts.
I have many issues like the most of us from trust, social interaction and more.
I had some talks to a therapist before the Corona lock down happened and it felt for me like it makes everything worse.
I have to write the final tests for my job training in a few week and should start to apply since I can finally start to work after I receive the results in middle of july.
Just right now I have no idea how I'm supposed to make it, but I have to function right now. I hsve already pretty much luck that my huge absence times during my training doesn't matter, because they decided to not take them into account at all because of corona.

I hope my post isn't too confusing. I will try to get into therapy soon again, probably after moving into a bigger city once I'm done with my training where I am rn.

Best regards