In search of light
Confident
Hi all not posted much on here for sometime but here goes.
I left a 20 year relationship 2years ago in which I had two children me and their mum just weren’t getting on we had grown apart so I left.
Being the mother of my children and such a big part of my life we have managed to stay good friends which is nice.
I moved on and met a lovely woman with whom I was very happy with ,we were very much in love for 12 months of the relationship ,she suffered low self esteem and pessimistic overthinking but I accepted her for who she was flaws and all.
It was all great we had made future plans together I was to move in with her I’d encouraged her to reach for the life goals she had and was prepared to do anything for her even marry her.
she had often told me about how obsessed she was with her manipulative narcissistic gaslighting ex when she was with him and her love for me was different to the love she had had for him but how there would never be any going back to him for the damage he had caused her then a week before the move in date she got back in touch with him.
I was angry at this because I could see how 3 days of back and fourth chat and at one stage a 12hr message session had seriously triggered her hurts and pain he had caused her in the past.
she postponed the move in and things generally went down hill from there but she swears it was all my doing that changed the way she viewed me and what we had because I had hesitated a matter of hrs after she postponed when she asked again.
to add insult to injury four days after we had said our goodbyes she spent a weekend away with her ex and now is back with him.
Even though during our relationship she had been open and honest and transparent this hit me hard and I felt like the time we had together had been devalued ,now I’m finding it difficult to move on it feels like I never got closure as to the real reasons we split which in my mind he has forced her with the hoover manoeuvre to leave me and go back to him for round two of his abuse.
Has anybody else found their self in this situation and can shed light on why she would go back for more hurt and pain ?
I left a 20 year relationship 2years ago in which I had two children me and their mum just weren’t getting on we had grown apart so I left.
Being the mother of my children and such a big part of my life we have managed to stay good friends which is nice.
I moved on and met a lovely woman with whom I was very happy with ,we were very much in love for 12 months of the relationship ,she suffered low self esteem and pessimistic overthinking but I accepted her for who she was flaws and all.
It was all great we had made future plans together I was to move in with her I’d encouraged her to reach for the life goals she had and was prepared to do anything for her even marry her.
she had often told me about how obsessed she was with her manipulative narcissistic gaslighting ex when she was with him and her love for me was different to the love she had had for him but how there would never be any going back to him for the damage he had caused her then a week before the move in date she got back in touch with him.
I was angry at this because I could see how 3 days of back and fourth chat and at one stage a 12hr message session had seriously triggered her hurts and pain he had caused her in the past.
she postponed the move in and things generally went down hill from there but she swears it was all my doing that changed the way she viewed me and what we had because I had hesitated a matter of hrs after she postponed when she asked again.
to add insult to injury four days after we had said our goodbyes she spent a weekend away with her ex and now is back with him.
Even though during our relationship she had been open and honest and transparent this hit me hard and I felt like the time we had together had been devalued ,now I’m finding it difficult to move on it feels like I never got closure as to the real reasons we split which in my mind he has forced her with the hoover manoeuvre to leave me and go back to him for round two of his abuse.
Has anybody else found their self in this situation and can shed light on why she would go back for more hurt and pain ?