I'm 23 and live in Canada. I recently left an abusive relationship and at first I thought I was doing O.K. (actually I didn't feel anything at all for a while). Lately though, I began to notice how much I've really changed (and other people have noticed too); like despite the fact that I am probably safer now than I was, I'm constantly scared even when I know I'm being illogical. And I find it practically impossible to actually go to social gatherings (even if it was something I really enjoy) to the point where I get physically ill just thinking about it. My friends have all told me I have bad nightmares too, but I never really remember them, usually I remember just that I woke up terrified and couldn't breathe. But I won't get into all of that now. For as long as I can remember I've suppressed my feelings, constantly downplayed stuff to my friends, and practically never tell my family anything (it wouldn't help much I don't think). So I'm really not "close" to anyone, and I feel like no one really knows me, even I guess myself. Denial has pretty much been the way I've dealt with things that have happened. So much so that I can't remember huge chunks of my life, even though I have an excellent memory for everything else. Nothing scares me as much as telling or talking about my feelings. So I've always avoided it, until now because I started to worry that this recent thing has stirred up all my old stuff too and that maybe I'll just fall apart soon. When I read about PTSD it was the first time that I felt like there are other people like me. So I thought I'd try to share a bit and see...