Sufferer Hi, I'm Amanda. I have CPTSD from living with a narcisstic abuser.

I'm currently 33 months out from being split from my ex. In January, my divorce will have been final for three full years. there was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse during our 16 year marriage. the good thing is, i don't have contact with him as he's in Jail and I don't have to worry about co parenting with him. At the end, i found out he had been sexually assaulting children. There was a big level of deception here as he was able to hide this from me for years, in my own house, as I was the breadwinner in the family. being deceived is one of my bigger triggers. it also affects my ability to trust anyone. I know eventually that i may be able to trust again but I just feel so damaged, that no one is going to ever want to me with me.

FYI, been in therapy since Dec 2019, but most of our sessions have been focused dealing with his deception and other fallout from that.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum! Hope you find the support you are looking for.
I know eventually that i may be able to trust again but I just feel so damaged,
Your knowing is your precious intuition. And feelings? They come and go like waves. One thing we say here is “Feelings are not facts.” It may be a long journey but it’s worth it.
 

Friday

Moderator
Welcome to the community!

I had to “coparent” with mine. Now that the 9 years of hostage taking (and ERs, police, never knowing if week to week my kid would be alive, or if …shakes self by scruff of neck)… is over? I’m finding out how eyeballs deep I am in really brutal things I couldn’t even recognize during active trauma.

My PTSD came from combat, ongoing stress & new trauma has kept things… livelier… than I would have liked. Shudder. Ah, the PTSD rolercoaster. 😵‍💫

Again, welcome!
 

Lucycat

MyPTSD Pro
Hi and welcome.
I‘m glad to hear you have escaped from the abusive relationship. Now the healing can begin. My therapist warned me that healing cannot be quicker than the abuse was. So, be prepared for a long road, and don’t be disappointed at the pace of recovery.
 
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