Undiagnosed Hi- I'm new here, I'm having a hard time, on-going domestic violence

myself3

New Here
Hi everyone, I'm 20, I'm currently studying in Univesity, I'm emotionally burned out, I might have PTSD and/or depression and/or anxiety, my family can't afford a therapist.

*I'm not an English speaker so I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes*

My dad used to beat my mom a lot when I was young, everything changed since we moved to the new house, he now doesn't want to disturb the neighbors. He is racist, homophobic, sexist and alcholist. My mom started to drink since 2018. They are drunk most of the times especially in the evening and during night. Even now my dad still has the imput to hit my mom and he tries to do it, but me and my sister we stop him and we use the neighbors as an excuse. They both have something against me when they are drunk, especially my father because (as a result of his being aggressive I can't be affectionate towards him) we never had a relationship, but he wants affection from me and he wants to have a relationship but he treats me horribly, he says that I don't respect him, he says that I'm stupid and that he can't bear me anymore.

I'm having a hard time at university, not because it's difficult but because I can't do it anymore, emotionally speaking because of my family situation, I find it difficult to focus and organise. But I still perform well.

Today I was happy because I've got a fantastic result but my dad out of nowhere started to shout at me in the middle of a conversation and tried to beat my mom because she was trying to push him away. I'm afraid that one day he will hit me.

I'm so sad that I can't even explain, I feel a deep pain in my chest. I'm very afraid and anxious

My two best friends know about my situation, but I don't want to tell them everything because I'm always telling sad stuff and I don't want them to feel like my therapists.

My little sister is feeling even worse than me, I try to help her and protect her but I can't do all alone.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome @myself3. So sorry you are going thru such a hard time it's affecting your University studies. Does your Uni have counseling services? If so please utilize them if nothing else to help find a Therapist that possibly works on a sliding scale. In other words, what you are able to pay.

Glad you reached out here. Maybe others will come on and have more resources for you. Glad you are here, not glad for the reasons. Use the forum in the meantime.
 

myself3

New Here
Welcome @myself3. So sorry you are going thru such a hard time it's affecting your University studies. Does your Uni have counseling services? If so please utilize them if nothing else to help find a Therapist that possibly works on a sliding scale. In other words, what you are able to pay.

Glad you reached out here. Maybe others will come on and have more resources for you. Glad you are here, not glad for the reasons. Use the forum in the meantime.
Thank you very much for your advice and support, I truly appreciate it! I'll see if there something like this in my uni
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. I’m really sorry to hear you are in this situation. It is terribly painful and exhausting, but it will have an end. It will. I definitely understand your fear of weighting on your friends by saying sad stories instead of funny ones. Even the funny ones at times aren’t easy to make because giving the context it makes it funny would be sad.

It’s very mature of you to say you don’t want your friends to be your therapists. But they might help you in other ways. All the good I have so far comes from long, solid friendships.

For the understanding of how it feels to be in such a situation, there is here. Welcome again!
 

myself3

New Here
Welcome to the forum. I’m really sorry to hear you are in this situation. It is terribly painful and exhausting, but it will have an end. It will. I definitely understand your fear of weighting on your friends by saying sad stories instead of funny ones. Even the funny ones at times aren’t easy to make because giving the context it makes it funny would be sad.

It’s very mature of you to say you don’t want your friends to be your therapists. But they might help you in other ways. All the good I have so far comes from long, solid friendships.

For the understanding of how it feels to be in such a situation, there is here. Welcome again!
Thank you very much for your advice and incouragement! I really appreciate it!
It always make me emotional reading that this situation will end and honestly it's the only reason I'm not very hopeless/desperate right now, I just hope for a more peaceful future.
 
Top