I think I need some help. I went to see a counselor last week and I am supposed to go back this week. My heart feels like it's going to come out of my chest. I was having nightmares seeing my baby dying and I couldn't get to him. I would imagine I heard the phone ring and it was my daughter - I imagined something horrible had happened to her and I couldn't stop it.
My baby died Jan 11, 2005. His father left him by himself for a certain amount of time - we don't know how long - and it was my second day of full-time work that I had to do, in order to provide for the baby and my home. My baby suffocated by getting tangled in the covers and railing at the end of the bed. My daughter who is now a young teenager found the baby first. I never saw him as she found him. I don't think I could go on if I had. She put him on the bed and that is where I saw him when I started to do CPR. It is a long story but Anthony died on the way to the hospital. They tried to save him but they couldn't.
I see his face, I hear him crying. I have to take medicine to sleep (Tylenol PM and benadryl or melatonin).
I never married Anthony's father because his situation was so upset. For my entire relationship with him, he was involved in a bitter custody battle over his three children from his previous, long-term marriage. It consumed our lives. There was little happiness for me.
I never really got help after the baby died. I made sure my daughter got help and went back to work, which was my help at the time. Now Alan (the baby's father) is back in his custody battle again and - well, with all of his problems, his ex-wife and her husband are much, much worse. They tried to use the baby's death in the custody battle, but it didn't work at that time. Now they are using the Internet again to use Anthony's death to . . . well, whatever sick stuff they think they want to do. It's a type of internet stalking. I saw some of it and it was enough to put me where I am right now.
I am still working and it does help. It keeps my mind off things. I feel like I can't go on many days.
I am the survivor of a sexual assault (age 21) and have had many family tragedies.
It's like I can't take any more and this is the final straw. Sometimes I see my baby's face out of the corner of my eye. I imagine I hear him when things are quiet. I can't eat, it's hard to sleep, and all I can think of is my little one that I lost.
I want to think it can get better, but I don't know. I feel like I never had a chance to be happy and it has just been one violent tragedy and abuse after another. These people - one thing that happened is the woman broke into my house after the baby died and destroyed a lot of stuff. She smashed all of Anthony's Christmas things which were some of the only memories I had of him. I know they are just things but I feel like everything about his life is being abused and used in this evilness. That's what I can't get over. I had six precious months with him and that is it. My baby was born with Down Syndrome but that is not why he died. He died because he was left by himself, alone.
My baby died Jan 11, 2005. His father left him by himself for a certain amount of time - we don't know how long - and it was my second day of full-time work that I had to do, in order to provide for the baby and my home. My baby suffocated by getting tangled in the covers and railing at the end of the bed. My daughter who is now a young teenager found the baby first. I never saw him as she found him. I don't think I could go on if I had. She put him on the bed and that is where I saw him when I started to do CPR. It is a long story but Anthony died on the way to the hospital. They tried to save him but they couldn't.
I see his face, I hear him crying. I have to take medicine to sleep (Tylenol PM and benadryl or melatonin).
I never married Anthony's father because his situation was so upset. For my entire relationship with him, he was involved in a bitter custody battle over his three children from his previous, long-term marriage. It consumed our lives. There was little happiness for me.
I never really got help after the baby died. I made sure my daughter got help and went back to work, which was my help at the time. Now Alan (the baby's father) is back in his custody battle again and - well, with all of his problems, his ex-wife and her husband are much, much worse. They tried to use the baby's death in the custody battle, but it didn't work at that time. Now they are using the Internet again to use Anthony's death to . . . well, whatever sick stuff they think they want to do. It's a type of internet stalking. I saw some of it and it was enough to put me where I am right now.
I am still working and it does help. It keeps my mind off things. I feel like I can't go on many days.
I am the survivor of a sexual assault (age 21) and have had many family tragedies.
It's like I can't take any more and this is the final straw. Sometimes I see my baby's face out of the corner of my eye. I imagine I hear him when things are quiet. I can't eat, it's hard to sleep, and all I can think of is my little one that I lost.
I want to think it can get better, but I don't know. I feel like I never had a chance to be happy and it has just been one violent tragedy and abuse after another. These people - one thing that happened is the woman broke into my house after the baby died and destroyed a lot of stuff. She smashed all of Anthony's Christmas things which were some of the only memories I had of him. I know they are just things but I feel like everything about his life is being abused and used in this evilness. That's what I can't get over. I had six precious months with him and that is it. My baby was born with Down Syndrome but that is not why he died. He died because he was left by himself, alone.