I find my self drawn back to this place and I know after reading everyone is welcome. I don't know where to start as this is really the first time that I have open this far.
I am adopted into a family that had parents who ended up in three other marriages. My Dad was a paster who left when I was 10. My mother was a bit different. He pushed her down some stairs to protect me.
If you were to look up the different types of abuse: physical, mental and emotional, I experienced them all: beatings, fire, sexual stuff, and the emotional. It isn't genetics, thank god, but I don't know much as I was adopted. If anyone has seen the movie " Antwone Fisher," ouch. But it was the environment that caused a lot of my grief. I always said I would try harder and not make a mistake after an encounter. I would say I'm sorry.
I left when I was 18. went to another country. I was on my own and soon started to exibit signs and symptoms of PTSD. My only savior was a sport in university. I struggled through my classes since I couldn't concentrate. But I made it.
I became a medic. Thought I could help others, I did, but I started to get dreams. I became overwelmed. I went to my wife and that didn't work. We had three great kids. I spent 4 days a week with them due to my work schedule. How cool is that for a dad. I loved it.
I was married for 11 years and then it ended. I did think I was crazy. We went to 6 marrage professionals. I kept saying that I had something inside me that wasn't right. And then when my wife was addressed, as to work on some things, we were off to another. I finally hit the bottom emotionally. I went to find help, (As it was my fault, I said I was sorry, I'd work harder).
I had PTSD. My wife took the PTSD diagnoses and put it in the divorce papers. I was destroyed. I don't know how I made it. I kept my job, and continued. I got pulled over for a DUI. I wanted to quit. I kept going for my children. I was awarded 50 % child arrangement. But I have them almost 80% of the time. She just keeps it over my head, just enough to manipulate. But I HAVE my children.
I stay to my self. I coach soccer, ( my kids) three teams, and i stay involved with my children. I am going to work towards another degree.
I have hit the bottom again. I came from no where. I finally went for some medications and I am so dizzy and don't really care. But I will not quit. I need some help.
I asked my sister why Mom was so hard on me. She said,"yes she was, she beat you, and you just took it." Well, needless to say, I cracked, again.
Thank you. night
I am adopted into a family that had parents who ended up in three other marriages. My Dad was a paster who left when I was 10. My mother was a bit different. He pushed her down some stairs to protect me.
If you were to look up the different types of abuse: physical, mental and emotional, I experienced them all: beatings, fire, sexual stuff, and the emotional. It isn't genetics, thank god, but I don't know much as I was adopted. If anyone has seen the movie " Antwone Fisher," ouch. But it was the environment that caused a lot of my grief. I always said I would try harder and not make a mistake after an encounter. I would say I'm sorry.
I left when I was 18. went to another country. I was on my own and soon started to exibit signs and symptoms of PTSD. My only savior was a sport in university. I struggled through my classes since I couldn't concentrate. But I made it.
I became a medic. Thought I could help others, I did, but I started to get dreams. I became overwelmed. I went to my wife and that didn't work. We had three great kids. I spent 4 days a week with them due to my work schedule. How cool is that for a dad. I loved it.
I was married for 11 years and then it ended. I did think I was crazy. We went to 6 marrage professionals. I kept saying that I had something inside me that wasn't right. And then when my wife was addressed, as to work on some things, we were off to another. I finally hit the bottom emotionally. I went to find help, (As it was my fault, I said I was sorry, I'd work harder).
I had PTSD. My wife took the PTSD diagnoses and put it in the divorce papers. I was destroyed. I don't know how I made it. I kept my job, and continued. I got pulled over for a DUI. I wanted to quit. I kept going for my children. I was awarded 50 % child arrangement. But I have them almost 80% of the time. She just keeps it over my head, just enough to manipulate. But I HAVE my children.
I stay to my self. I coach soccer, ( my kids) three teams, and i stay involved with my children. I am going to work towards another degree.
I have hit the bottom again. I came from no where. I finally went for some medications and I am so dizzy and don't really care. But I will not quit. I need some help.
I asked my sister why Mom was so hard on me. She said,"yes she was, she beat you, and you just took it." Well, needless to say, I cracked, again.
Thank you. night