Sufferer Hi There, Newbie Here

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KitCatie

New Here
Hello everyone. I thought that I would introduce myself.

I don't really know where to start so I guess I will start from the beginning. My mu met my father at university and quickly began a relationship. They lived together in a share house but after about 18 months starting renting their own place.

Everything was great until my mum got pregnant with me. My father turned violent often verbally and occasionally psychically abusing her. He would choke her against the wall and tell her that she was worthless and that he didn't want the baby (me).

When I was born my grandmother made it very clear that she was not happy that my mum had a baby before marriage and at 21 years old. My father made no attempt to bond with me often leaving me crying and in a soiled nappy for hours. He often just dropped me on the floor when I wouldn't stop crying and then yelled horrible obscenities at my mum.

When my mum was 23 she gave birth to my younger sister and my father's abuse got worse. He would yell obscenities at me (2 yrs old) and leave me unsupervised for hours, he wouldn't help with the new baby and constantly kicked our family dogs when they got in the way.

When I was 3 and my sister was 1 my mum made the decision to leave and packed us into the car and headed for the grandparents. They wouldn't let us bring the dogs because the local council only allows 2 dogs on the property and they already had 2 dogs. So we had to say goodbye to them as well. My father called the police on my mum but they agreed that it was in our best interest in leave.

I didn't see him for 6 months and then a court order was put in place that my sister and myself were to go to our father's every other weekend. He gave one of our dogs to his grandparents and they other one mysteriously passed away.

The abuse continued he would often tell me that he didn't want me and that I was stupid and worthless. He told me that I was a waste of space and disgusting.

I started seeing my first psychologist when I was 6 years old. My psychologist suggested that because my father used the f word so much that my mum should try to make it sound funny rather then scary. My father started seeing a women when I was 7 and she was lovely. She was so nice to my sister and myself. She broke up with him soon after moving in together. He then starting seeing an equally abusive person when I was 8. He told me about her once they were engaged and she then moved in 2 weeks later.

She hated my sister and myself. She started weekly weigh in and told me that I was fat and disgusting. I was quite tall for my age so naturally weighed more but because I didn't match the average weigh for a child my age she constantly told me that I was fat and made me weigh myself in front of her in my underwear. We were flower girls at their wedding and the dressmaker also told me that I was huge ( I was 9 years old). I was a little bit on the chubby side but it wasn't that bad and my doctor agreed that it was just baby fat and would go away in a few years. These people were all overweight themselves.

When I was 10 my step mother fell pregnant with my half-sister. My father and her completely pushed us aside and basically forgot about us. The abuse continued and a new order was put in placed that we were to spend every second Thursday night at their place as well. When I was 11, almost 12 I made a decision to end the abuse and stood up to my father and told him that I didn't want to see him. I had to tell him this 3 times and in court. The last thing he ever said to me was I never want anything to do with you again.

I was then diagnosed with PTSD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. My anxiety got so bad that I had to leave school. I suffered with suicidal thoughts and self harm. I am still struggling with all of these to this day (15 yrs old).

I am seeing a psychologist but I am going to start seeing a new one because I don't supported by my current one. I am also looking into a PTSD service dog. I also thought that I should mention that my mum parents were also abusive in the same way as my father but not quite as bad. I finally stood up to them a few weeks ago and haven't heard back since. Sorry it was so long. Thank you for taking the time to read it

KitCatie
 
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Silver.

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you for sharing your experience, that was very brave of you. I hope you can find the help you need in this forum, there are a lot of great posts and a lot of great people to help you along the way x
 

Lucycat

Sponsor
Hi and Welcome to the forum.
I hope you find the information on here helpful and the people supportive - I know I have!
Regards, Lucy x
 
D

Deleted member 28403

Welcome to the forums :hug: I hope this place helps you. It's very useful because of the bulk amount of people who feel similar and understand. There is a lot of advice and support to be found here :) I hope that this amazing community helps you as much as it helped me, reading all the similar stories, and learning a lot along the way. Hugs if you accept :hug:
 
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