Hiding loving feelings /trouble receiving love

PandaPower

Learning
Hi y'all,
I am back after a long time. It is good to see familiar screen names as well as the community wisdom.
I could use advice or perspectives. I am lucky enough to have a teacher/mentor figure right now who I feel a lot of love for. This is making me go bonkers. I was able to experience emotional intimacy with him in a really deep way during one or two of our conversations but after that things just spiralled (I stopped setting up one on one meetings because I was afraid of rejection and became cold , he started reacting defensively during group sessions, I tried to course correct, he tried to course correct but now I am too deeply into freeze and I am not able to take the first step in communicating with him again, even though I would like to.
I am also feeling judgement for myself for needing this, for needing support for an older male figure (the term daddy issues has been thrown about by my inner critic). But the 2/3 weeks in the beginning where it went well were also pretty amazing in how much difference it made for me at work and in other relationships to have that support in the background. I have also been feeling bad about how I'm spiralling and I'm struggling to handle the amount of vulnerability being brought up and feeling out of my depth, plus feeling scared that I've ruined the dynamic.
Thanks for reading :)
Panda
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I have also been feeling bad about how I'm spiralling and I'm struggling to handle the amount of vulnerability being brought up and feeling out of my depth, plus feeling scared that I've ruined the dynamic.
It sounds like you may be hanging a lot of weight on this one relationship - wanting it to meet too many needs all at once.

How are the other relationships in your life?
 
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