Upside Down Eagle
MyPTSD Pro
The legacy of PTSD - for me - is that I like to go by anonymously.
This means I don´t interact with people in the street - only shopkeepers - usually am not interested in sustaining eye contact, and am usually wearing either a hoodie, a baseball cap, and in winter a scarf over half my face, or a combination of these.
I´m aware that I look menacing in this outfit - like a thug - but I don´t care much. As long as I don´t bother anyone, my logic is, it isn´t anybody´s business what I wear on the street. Since a while I live in a small town, where people aren´t used to this at all.
I was walking to the hardware store today when a guy in a car drove next to me and asked me what I was doing and where I was going. I said: "to the hardware store, and you?". He said he saw me gazing at his car. I didn´t remember his car, but I said, I gaze at things all the time.
He said I should be aware that I looked suspicious, and I said I´m aware. The "problem" here is that I am more noticeable by being so anonymous (other people are anonymous by being visible), and when people focus on me, they will notice PTSD behavior.
Like walking behind people, rather than in front of them. Like dodging people when they come real close. It´s possible that I was lurking behind that man´s car to dodge someone, I do that. For me it´s normal, I don´t remember.
I´m not willing to look non-threatening and safe just for the peace of mind of people in general. So I have to deal with and take responsibility for it. Which I will do. But I would like to know what you guys think, and whether you recognize the situation for yourself.
This means I don´t interact with people in the street - only shopkeepers - usually am not interested in sustaining eye contact, and am usually wearing either a hoodie, a baseball cap, and in winter a scarf over half my face, or a combination of these.
I´m aware that I look menacing in this outfit - like a thug - but I don´t care much. As long as I don´t bother anyone, my logic is, it isn´t anybody´s business what I wear on the street. Since a while I live in a small town, where people aren´t used to this at all.
I was walking to the hardware store today when a guy in a car drove next to me and asked me what I was doing and where I was going. I said: "to the hardware store, and you?". He said he saw me gazing at his car. I didn´t remember his car, but I said, I gaze at things all the time.
He said I should be aware that I looked suspicious, and I said I´m aware. The "problem" here is that I am more noticeable by being so anonymous (other people are anonymous by being visible), and when people focus on me, they will notice PTSD behavior.
Like walking behind people, rather than in front of them. Like dodging people when they come real close. It´s possible that I was lurking behind that man´s car to dodge someone, I do that. For me it´s normal, I don´t remember.
I´m not willing to look non-threatening and safe just for the peace of mind of people in general. So I have to deal with and take responsibility for it. Which I will do. But I would like to know what you guys think, and whether you recognize the situation for yourself.