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Hiding your face in public

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The legacy of PTSD - for me - is that I like to go by anonymously.

This means I don´t interact with people in the street - only shopkeepers - usually am not interested in sustaining eye contact, and am usually wearing either a hoodie, a baseball cap, and in winter a scarf over half my face, or a combination of these.

I´m aware that I look menacing in this outfit - like a thug - but I don´t care much. As long as I don´t bother anyone, my logic is, it isn´t anybody´s business what I wear on the street. Since a while I live in a small town, where people aren´t used to this at all.

I was walking to the hardware store today when a guy in a car drove next to me and asked me what I was doing and where I was going. I said: "to the hardware store, and you?". He said he saw me gazing at his car. I didn´t remember his car, but I said, I gaze at things all the time.

He said I should be aware that I looked suspicious, and I said I´m aware. The "problem" here is that I am more noticeable by being so anonymous (other people are anonymous by being visible), and when people focus on me, they will notice PTSD behavior.

Like walking behind people, rather than in front of them. Like dodging people when they come real close. It´s possible that I was lurking behind that man´s car to dodge someone, I do that. For me it´s normal, I don´t remember.

I´m not willing to look non-threatening and safe just for the peace of mind of people in general. So I have to deal with and take responsibility for it. Which I will do. But I would like to know what you guys think, and whether you recognize the situation for yourself.
 
I ,often, dodge, weave, hide, cross roads to avoid, double back, if I see those I think are going to focus on me and maybe want to talk to me.

I don't cover my face or wear hats they might draw attention, sometimes I wear sunglasses though and I have long, thick, curly hair that I hide behind.

Most often I like to think I'm pretty uninteresting and invisible to most.
 
I don't, but I wish I blended in more. I get told all the time my natural hair color makes me stand out I just haven't had the gut to dye it. I have been thinking about ways to minimize how noticeable I am just because I am more paranoid with everyone taking pictures and posting them online now days. I don't like having my picture taken and I don't want my picture on someones social media page even if I am just in the background. For now I just doge people how have their phones out.
 
I don't try to hide my face or anything, but I have a strong desire to not be looked at, and to not be around people. I hate having people stare at me or look at me, interact with me, etc. I am okay with necessary interactions, like dealing with shopkeepers, going to PT, etc.

In public, I will often go out of my way to not get too close to other people. If a group of people starts coming close to where I am, I will usually move along. Come to think of it, I mostly avoid going in public all together. Then I forget that I'm like this, and I'll go out in public or go hang out with friends, but quickly enough it'll bite me in the ass, and I'll start feeling super uncomfortable. If I have to endure social interaction or being in close proximity to strangers, I start to feel really uncomfortable. Sometimes this progresses into dissociation, where everything starts to feel unreal and I feel like I'm watching a first-person-perspective movie of the situation I'm in. I also get pretty irritable, though I try to hide that as well as I can.
 
I´m not willing to look non-threatening and safe just for the peace of mind of people in general. So I have to deal with and take responsibility for it. Which I will do. But I would like to know what you guys think, and whether you recognize the situation for yourself.

Yep.

When I was first dealin with my hypervigilance in crowds (and finally made it off the roof, away from the edge of the crowd, and was smack dab in the middle of them) it endlessly pissed me off that my anxiety triggered everyone else around me, which triggered my anxiety more, and theirs more, until it was durn near guaranteed there was going to be a scene or I would have to bail out of the crowd fairly quickly :wtf: So I learned to be invisible.

Part of my learning to be invisible I played a game of switching neighborhoods. Because what’s invisible in one neighborhood, stands out like a sore thumb in another. Shrug. So I played a lot, to get comfortable in different places, around different groups of people.

I can only do ^that^ when I’m doing fairly well. Because I stop being able to manage my affect the more symptomatic I am. It drives me a little bit nuts, because all of a sudden prior service military & cops start hitting me up left and right. Like, coming out of the damn woodwork. Aaaaargh. Stop. Stop it. Slouch, dammit, slouch! :facepalm: Take your head off it’s stupid swivel. Be. Oblivious. Looking. Now. Kill the light in your eyes, or put on some damn sunglasses, and take the energy outta your step.

Sigh.

When I can’t manage my affect? Ball cap & sunglasses & f*ck off = at least I’m outta the damn house.
 
I wear sunglasses and a coat (or shell) any time I'm in public. I'll take the sunglasses off inside, but not the coat, ever. Somehow those things are like my cloak of invisibility.
 
hi @Rad.......totally.....i hid away for 5 or 6 weeks last year when it was my anniversary.........usually i too would wear a hoodie,hid my face,,i even bought one of those ski masks were you only see the eyes of someone.But your right people do seem to get freaked out by it.

mostly what i try and remember in my rational brain,., is most people are in there own wee worlds when walking around places and honestly couldnt care less about anyone else....but its your ptsd brain your dealing with and all that goes with it.

i understand youre more scared than any of them...have you tried headphones?......I hope you manage a way to ease this...take care ....
 
for me a ball-cap works well. With the brim in front you can tilt your head down just enough where you can find some 'privacy' and still see legs or anyone approaching. I will never go to crowded places without one. I have a tendency to intently look everyone in the eye (my weird thing) and I can't stop. It's uncomfortable for me when vigilant looking for evil in everyone's eyes or intent to do evil. It's impossible for me to walk into a room of people and not look at everyone in that way. I am unable to relax enough to not look for danger. Sometimes when in this mode I will give myself permission to tilt the cap even if it will require my death (never truly the case). and chill the f out.
 
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