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Other High profile child trafficking, CSA, what to watch ( or not) on TV

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Thread starter #1
So I decided to watch the Netflix documentary on Epstein, now that Ghislaine has been arrested and held without bail.

I’m interested in anything anyone might say and I’m going to try and put some of it out there since my trauma is CSA. I need to process it all still, over and over. I watched the first episode but my wife and I started squabbling a bit and we shut it off.

But I wasn’t all upset or anything meaning I was able to watch dispassionately so far. IDK how I’m able to watch it maybe I’ve progressed idk. I just saw it and put it on. 2 more episodes.
 
#2
I watched part of the first episode but don't think I'll watch any more. It's a story that makes me so sad. How obvious the abuse is and how everyone around them turns away, or joins in, and acts like doesn't matter and who gives a sh*t about the victims. That is too much for me. It's too depressing. Too familiar.

It's in the news a lot over here in the UK because of our charming Prince.
I wish the police would interview him.

But power, power, power. How does anyone get a voice with that level of power?
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Thread starter #3
One of the first things that got me so much was here is a typical success. A guy that could close business. Everyone likes him and nobody could say no to him. Nobody questions these people. He reminds me of Madoff. NY, Wall Street. The men know what this is. Nobody can talk to these guys because they can bring home the bacon. But it enables them to do anything with anyone they want. Everyone wants the head cubicle, the reserved parking, the executive washroom. The good stuff.
 
#4
I couldn’t watch the actual documentary directly. However, I wanted to be informed on it- so I watched it indirectly. Stephanie Harlowe on YouTube has been doing her own episodes right along with it and commenting/helping to keep some of the insane amount of people involved in some sort of sense making way. She does a good job and it helps me. She also goes into more detail on some things First episode
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
Thread starter #5
I can’t explain the mindset of wanting to be trafficked like this? I made what I thought was an effort to put myself in the way of people like this because I felt I was from west palm or the other side of the tracks. So sad, a little kid thinking about how can I get myself fixed up so I can be pimped out.
But when you are sexual as a child this is what happens. It’s so familiar. Because once you start doing it, you’re groomed already, it doesn’t need anymore explanations. You expect it, and you’re ready for it. It’s nice to hear the girls explain how they had to deal with what they did and see it wasn’t their fault? It’s really hard to get to that.
 
#6
I don't have Netflix... hope to see it eventually, but have been following the case for a while (it was a big deal when I lived in Florida). Memer's already starting the "Ghislaine didn't kill herself" stuff. She's got quite the connections to the elite. Wondering if she flips and it is gonna be another Heidi Fleiss thing or if the many victims will ever receive justice.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
#7
Given I'm not into "the elite" or whatever the discourse around this is - and it's just a concrete and complex crime problem but definitely a tangible thing instead of chimeras people not working with that level and type of crime make out of it, to me...

I would still urge Back to basic self care.

Self care, grounding skills, here-and-now.

Don't stress or spin yourself over things you can do nothing about.

It's good to keep informed.
But not at the detriment of one's health.
 
#8
I watched the first episode but my wife and I started squabbling a bit and we shut it off.

But I wasn’t all upset or anything meaning I was able to watch dispassionately so far. IDK how I’m able to watch it maybe I’ve progressed idk. I just saw it and put it on. 2 more episodes.
This is something to watch out for...

...if you’re “fine” watching it, and then lashing out/ touchy/ overreative/ increasingly symptomic ELSEWHERE in youre life? You’re not fine. At best your stress cup is filling / your reaction is coming out sideways on things that are “okay” to be upset about, or people who are “safe” to be angry at... and at worst you’re kicking into survival mode during the show itself, and then crashing after it’s over.

Not saying that’s what happened, or what is happening/will happen. Just very important to make note of.

I generally remind myself of the old saying “If you meet an asshole in the morning? You just met an asshole. If you keep meeting assholes all durn day? You’re the asshole.”
 
Thread starter #10
So I’m just on the verge of tears as sadness is a thing I have never been able to approach yet in therapy or anywhere I guess. I’m just walking around feeling sad and occasional upwelling of sadness and almost crying, which is how I’ve been for all of my life I guess.

So it was good for me to watch that. It’s painful. But I must have been ready, there is no right time.

The therapist is away. She’ll be back by phone (phone therapy sucks) on the 14th. My cage is all rattled right now and I don’t have anyone to talk to, hence this thread.

I feel particularly put out at being male. I knew this was part of it. I am not going to try writing about gender dysphoria here or the feelings I’m having because it’s too difficult? But I have to write something. It helps me process. This is a LOT of processing.

There is a lot I have to say that I’m afraid could be taken the wrong way maybe? Can’t risk that right now. The last thing I’d ever want is to rub someone the wrong way about a thing like this.

This is what we used to call in fishing “hard bottom”. Tough going.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
#11
So it was good for me to watch that. It’s painful. But I must have been ready, there is no right time.
You're right about all of this. There's never a "right" time. But sometimes, it's time.

And if you can let yourself feel what you're feeling, but also keep something going alongside it - like cooking, walking - that can help with not getting totally overwhelmed. At least, that's what helps me, when I get kind of taken by surprise with something unlocking some part of me.

Sending support to you, @Mach123.
 
Thread starter #12
You're right about all of this. There's never a "right" time. But sometimes, it's time.

And if you can let yourself feel what you're feeling, but also keep something going alongside it - like cooking, walking - that can help with not getting totally overwhelmed. At least, that's what helps me, when I get kind of taken by surprise with something unlocking some part of me.

Sending support to you, @Mach123.
Thanks I really appreciate it. I need support right now, and I don't usually say that. It's actually kind of a good feeling to be overwhelmed, because usually I don't think I feel much of anything.
 
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