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History repeating itself

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I agree - this is a tough situation but it is one of those things that won't go away until it is addressed no matter how many times you move. As you poke around the forum you will see many of us who used that as a coping mechanism --- fail. :hug:

I like the idea of asking mom to set up an appointment with a therapist to help with how you feel about your dad. You can use that as a starting point to talk to them about the other issues going on without having to talk to your mom about it.
Hey there, bit of a vent post here, I guess. This kid joined the year below mine in school at the start of September. This kid bears a striking resemblance to a guy that once did stuff to me on a school bus, and I'm pretty sure it is that guy. This happened 1 and a bit years ago, and I'd been trying to repress the memories, thinking if I just didn't talk about it, it'd go away. But now he's here, it's all coming back. This same thing happened around 2 years ago, when I moved schools and found a different abuser that I'd tried to forget about at that school. Now I can't walk the corridors without checking every corner, I'm even more hypervigilant, having more flashbacks than ever and suicide idealisation is back. Last time I was in this situation, I lasted one year before I moved schools. I only have to last one year now, but I'm starting to feel that I'm reaching the limit of how many times people like this can be faced. What do you do when your one safe-ish place is taken from you??
New kid lives a couple streets from me, old abuser is on my street. Welp.
If you are 100% sure these guys are your abusers you need to report this you must not suffer in silence . If you know something about them that can prove your allegation ( birthmark etc ) this would help . You can't keep running you need to take action . Tell someone there may be other victims and this would help them
@Anitza I have a good few friends that know about past stuff, and I recently told another friend about the school stuff happening right now, and they help a lot- I'm vv grateful to have them, I'd probs be dead without them, to be honest with you. Free therapy around here is horrific, but I'm thinking of saving up for private therapy instead

I'm pretty safe in school I think, the guy only ever tried stuff once, and I don't think he recognises me any more, thankfully. I'll try my best
@Anitza I have a good few friends that know about past stuff, and I recently told another friend about the school stuff happening right now, and they help a lot- I'm vv grateful to have them, I'd probs be dead without them, to be honest with you. Free therapy around here is horrific, but I'm thinking of saving up for private therapy instead
I agree, access to mental help is sub par without insurance, but you never know who you might find that can be helpful. Even an expensive therapist might not be the best, but you definitely will want to find someone who specializes in your specific issues. An investment in your mental health, is never wasted money.

In the interim, I just ordered The PTSD Workbook by Mary William's & Soili Poijula. Not saying this is necessarily for you, but there are many different types of tools out there to help you sort through this, & get the life you deserve, despite what your dad & people at school may think.
Also, mum has a tendency to start screaming and yelling at me when she finds out about mental health problems, which I'm sure you know is about the last thing that's needed.
I sympathize so much - I live with my mother, due to being disabled, and I'm nearly 30. She abused me as a child, she's still abusive, and she's just like that - yelling at me over my mental health issues, blaming me for them, blaming me for not being able to snap my fingers and just get instantly better.

I have no choice right now - I just have to sit and wait for disability - then I can get the f*ck out of here and sever all ties.

It causes so much anxiety for me. Severe anxiety every day - these sorts of situations are really difficult. I don't have much to offer, but, you're not alone in having to deal with the problems of living with abusers, while having PTSD from them and/or other things.

As a former teacher though - and someone who was abused during childhood - it really pisses me off that there are kids stuck in situations like yours.

Could you perhaps speak with a school counselor, or school psychologist?

They might have experience with many students who have trauma histories, and have resources to help you.


In regards to helping things be more bearable while you're there - I would try to avoid the abusive people as much as you can. I know that can be hard when it's someone you live with - but if you can preoccupy yourself with other things, perhaps spend time in some kind of safe space away from your house, that you can think of - like a public library, university library, so on and so forth. If you're able to, and if it's safe.

Perhaps after-school activities can help you spend more time away from home - though I don't know if that would help your anxiety or not.

Just throwing suggestions out there.
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@Anitza PTSD workbook?? that sounds p good

@Sweetleaf luckily for me I don't live with my father, and my mum isn't abusive, she just yells when I'm not, like, the perfectly stable child she expects me to be. The school therapists here are crap, but I' m looking into external help. I'm so sorry about your situation dude, it's horrible that you have to go through that. Hopefully your disability money will come in soon- you never have to speak to your abusive mother again then, not if you don't want to.
but I' m looking into external help.
I sometimes forget how young you are because you are so amazingly articulate and grounded - even with all that is going on with you.

I am so very, very impressed by how in tune you are with your needs and that you are willing to talk about them and find help for yourself when the adults in your life are ..... lets go with less that helpful. While you are on that road though -- safety first. Don't worry about other's feelings. Do what you need to do to stay safe - even if that means screaming and yelling and running and jumping up and down to get people's attention if you feel the slightest bit in danger. You have never been at fault for what has happened to you - and you have every right in the world to scream and yell if you feel threatened ever again. :hug:
@Freida thank you so much!! not gonna lie though, I'm kind of struggling with the whole idea of getting help from adult authority figures. It scares me, and I guess I just don't want to mix my family life and my mental health life
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