Hi, I'm new here. I've avoided talking about my CPTSD online because it makes me feel too vulnerable, but I've read these posts of yours and this seems like a place to start. I found a really good therapist a year and a half ago. I've felt safe, and there has been huge leaps of progress. Everything was going well, and we started digging in my first abusive relationship, which was worst of them all. And then I started to crumble. The excerices made me question everything, and in the therapy we dug really deep into everything else too. Not just the things that give me dissociations and panic attacks and numbness- to good things too, things I feel happy about, things I feel comfortable with, things that are safe. Things I've carefully built and cherished and that are reasonable and feel like just the right thing- for example getting married to a kind and caring person I've dated for 8 years. We're not getting married in a whim nor are we having sugar-coated visions of future: we love each other, we share possessions and we both want to legalize this friendship and companionship. But somehow this wasn't fine with my therapist who started poking and questioning over and over again. That questioning and the excercises lead to the point where I lost myself. I started questioning literally everything about myself. I suddenly didn't know what kind of clothes would a person like me want to wear. I had a major meltdown at a therapy session, we talked about this, therapist promised to tune things down a bit, I felt ok. But now we're getting closer to my next session and I'm stuck in a loop, where I feel ok when the session ends and the day after, but start getting anxious about the next session 4 days before it. I feel like not being able to take any more questioning at this point (there are other things going on too, so it's not the only catalyst), and I'm afraid of the things that are coming up on the next session. I know that there can't be growth and progress without questioning etc, but currently I feel like the whole thought therapy is pushing me further away from attending it. I feel like in need of a long holiday. At the same time I do realize that it's probably a bad idea to stop going at this point. Anyone else been to a situation like this? How did you deal with it? As for some background information: my cptsd was diagnosed a few years ago. It's been building up ever since childhood (several things, but no sexual abuse and only a few cases of domestic violence/attempts of it). I have a long line of relationships with abuse of every kind, as well as being bullied (both school and workplace). I have several chronic illnesses.