Relationship Holidays

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Without fail every single holiday time I get pulled in and pushed away hard. I feel like he starts shit with me just to stir me up. Blame me for causing his anxiety and ignore me. I blow up his phone defending myself and he threatens to block me and ignores me. I’m so sick of it.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Without fail every single holiday time I get pulled in and pushed away hard. I feel like he starts shit with me just to stir me up. Blame me for causing his anxiety and ignore me. I blow up his phone defending myself and he threatens to block me and ignores me. I’m so sick of it.
Sorry your having a bad time. How long had this been going on? And what's the deal with holidays?
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
Honestly... I just expect mine to be a shit on holidays and special occasions and I plan accordingly. I do my own thing, enjoy my gatherings, and he can be a shit over in a corner by himself. I’ve had to accept that about him. Life is a lot easier since I came to that conclusion.

I’m not saying it doesn’t still suck at times. It’d be really nice to enjoy a family holiday or be a “normal” couple at an event occasionally. He can’t do it though.
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Sorry your having a bad time. How long had this been going on? And what's the deal with holidays?
I don’t know. I guess within the last year. He isn’t with his immediate family anymore. They won’t speak to him.
Sorry your having a bad time. How long had this been going on? And what's the deal with holidays?
thank you. He isn’t with his immediate family. They ignore him. His wheels start turning. He gets crazy anxiety. He pulls me in then pushes me away. He gaslights me. Says he wants to date then says he can’t give me what I need. I can be your friend. Then ignores me. Then I text and text. And he says that I’m giving anxiety.
He creates something from nothing.
I was having a great morning until I got a text that he can only be my friend.
I was giving him space. He pulls me in. My feelings for him I guess overwhelmed him. Then he pushed away
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Honestly... I just expect mine to be a shit on holidays and special occasions and I plan accordingly. I do my own thing, enjoy my gatherings, and he can be a shit over in a corner by himself. I’ve had to accept that about him. Life is a lot easier since I came to that conclusion.

I’m not saying it doesn’t still suck at times. It’d be really nice to enjoy a family holiday or be a “normal” couple at an event occasionally. He can’t do it though.
I fall for this every time. He gets under m skin. Gets close then rejects me. He could have just said I need space

Sorry your having a bad time. How long had this been going on? And what's the deal with holidays?
I feel so used. Cheap. Thrown away.

Honestly... I just expect mine to be a shit on holidays and special occasions and I plan accordingly. I do my own thing, enjoy my gatherings, and he can be a shit over in a corner by himself.
How do you not react? Im angry and sad . Its infuriating me. He does this when he’s about to be with family. Maybe he’s showboating in front of them. To seem like he’s so important that this woman won’t leave him alone
 
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Sweetpea76

Moderator
How do you not react? Im angry and sad . Its infuriating me. He does this when he’s about to be with family. Maybe he’s showboating in front of them. To seem like he’s so important that this woman won’t leave him alone

Is he being an ass? Or is the stress of the holiday or event setting him off? That makes the difference in my opinion. Is he rejecting you publicly and making a fool out of you? If so he’s an ass. If he’s a mess in general I’d lean more towards the PTSD kicking up.

I can tell with my sufferer... if he’s being a jerk he knows I’m not shy to tell him where he can stick it and blow it out of... even if I have to wait to do so. I know after lots of failed attempts at holidays and events he just isn’t to a point where he can manage the stress of it all, so I don’t expect him to do it. He doesn’t screw with my head though. We communicate. I know he *would* if he’s feeling up to it, and he probably wishes he could. If he’s just going to melt down I’d rather not have my plans ruined or have him feel guilty for ruining them. We came to an understanding.

I plan my big rowdy fun stuff with others, and we do the quiet stuff alone or just with my kids. It is what it is. It’s part of the supporter zen.
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Is he being an ass? Or is the stress of the holiday or event setting him off? That makes the difference in my opinion. Is he rejecting you publicly and making a fool out of you? If so he’s an ass. If he’s a mess in general I’d lean more towards the PTSD kicking up.

I can tell with my sufferer... if he’s being a jerk he knows I’m not shy to tell him where he can stick it and blow it out of... even if I have to wait to do so. I know after lots of failed attempts at holidays and events he just isn’t to a point where he can manage the stress of it all, so I don’t expect him to do it. He doesn’t screw with my head though. We communicate. I know he *would* if he’s feeling up to it, and he probably wishes he could. If he’s just going to melt down I’d rather not have my plans ruined or have him feel guilty for ruining them. We came to an understanding.

I plan my big rowdy fun stuff with others, and we do the quiet stuff alone or just with my kids. It is what it is. It’s part of the supporter zen.
He draws me in then dumps me. Over and over again . He says I can’t give you what you want. You want to be monogamous and I don’t. But it’s after he looks to get close to me. So I’ll be minding my own. We talk. Are intimate. Then he asks how’s dating life? Or can I still be with you if I cum in someones mouth? I say no. We are intimate. Then he brings it up again. This time I didnt even leave his bed. He had anxiety. He was very upset that wk with family. Feeling rejected. He wanted me to leave as I was seeking comfort from him And he asked how’s dating? In an asshole way. With a slight pitch. He triggered me. Said he can’t even date, he feels like a prisoner, he goes on about blow jobs. I left right away to hide my tears. He asked for forgiveness. I fired away texts. It hen I forgave him. And then he said I can’t go there what you put me through last time. He waits until I get comfortable and trusting. When I’m patient of the ptsd and giving him space. Then he draws me in to make himself feel better. Today I’m minding my own business. At work. And he tells me he can’t do this anymore. I can’t go through this again. Meaning me being upset. I wasn’t upset until he upset me. Then he ignores me. It’s emotionally abusive

He could have just let me be. I’m not even with him. He’s with family.
now I look like the crazy obsessed girlfriend calling and texting him.

He gets in a loop. Intrusive thoughts. Obsessed over sex capades . I say go ahead. He doesn’t. Then he punishes me for it
 
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Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Does he actively pursue other women? Or is he talking smack?
No. He hasn’t. I’m the only one he’s been with for the last 2 yrs.

It’s like he’s punishing me for him feeling obligated to me. Pushing me away so he doesn’t feel bad and he can go flirting and have fun. But he has never done anything. He might flirt. But he would tell me. He wouldn’t lie about it. That’s why he breakup with me. Just so he feels like he can if he wants to.
 
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Lotsoflove

Sponsor
I have so much anger inside me. I’m pretty sure he blocked me because I kept texting. I have ptsd too. Mine comes out when I’m triggered. And gaslighted . This triggered me. And he knows it. So now I’ll obsess over it. And he will feel blameless for blocking me and play the victim
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Without fail every single holiday time I get pulled in and pushed away hard. I feel like he starts shit with me just to stir me up. Blame me for causing his anxiety and ignore me. I blow up his phone defending myself and he threatens to block me and ignores me. I’m so sick of it.
This time I’m blocked. He’s never blocked me. So gaslighted me then told me to give him space then he blocked me.
I hate him. He disgusts me. Such sadistic behavior to upset me every holiday
 

Friday

Moderator
He could have just let me be. I’m not even with him. He’s with family.
now I look like the crazy obsessed girlfriend calling and texting him.
Such sadistic behavior to upset me every holiday
And he will feel blameless for blocking me and play the victim
That’s not playing the victim... that’s natural consequences. You lost your shit on him, and disrespected his boundaries. You didn’t look like the crazy GF/exGF calling & texting, that’s what you were actually doing.

***

Sufferer to Sufferer / Supporter to Supporter... You need to start owning your shit. Seriously.

- Blow up his phone = Getting blocked is one example.

- Blaming your reactions on him? Is another example.

- I don’t theeeeeenk you’re blaming getting triggered on him? As if it’s his responsibility not to trigger you, or worse, that he “deserves” to suffer the consequences of you getting triggered, & should be miserable if you’re miserable... but girl, you are perilously close to that line of “he triggered me / it’s his fault I’m triggered”. Assuming I’m not wrong, and you’re not just nosed up to the line, but well over.

- But probably the best example?
From what you’ve written it’s been over a year -and maybe even 2- of him saying he doesn’t want a relationship, and can’t be dating, but can be friends or f*ckbuddies. Meanwhile you don’t want to be friends or f*ckbuddies. You don’t want to giggle in bed about the delicious people you’re f*cking or the hilariously bad date last week, nor share sweet moments about someone you’re really starting to care about in the arms of another. You want a boyfriend, in a monogamous relationship, and everything that goes along with that.

The 2 of you don’t just want different things, you want the exact opposite. Sure, sex & friendship are in the middle of that Venn diagram, but you’ve gotta get dressed and plan the day/week/month/year/rest of your life at some point. And that’s the part that doesn’t work. The life part. After you get dressed. And want polar opposite things. You know it doesn’t work. And he knows it doesn’t work.

So WTF is happening after you break up??? Clearly, someone is lying. Telling the other person what they want to hear in order to get them back in your life/bed. Whether it’s you or him? Really doesn’t matter.

If this were early days I could see good intentions / willingness to try it the other person’s way, and that failing. And maybe that was true in the beginning. But it’s not early days, and hasn’t been for awhile now. Both of you know exactly what’s going to happen. He’s going to want to f*ck around, you’re going to freak out; or you’ll want to start planning a life together / doing holidays er cetera, and he’ll freak out ....both of you will be miserable... and you’ll break up.

If you’re the liar? Stop lying to him. Tricking other people into being with you ends badly.

If he’s the liar? Stop believing what you want to hear. Tricking other people into being with them ends badly.

Regardless who is lying, and who is believing what they want to hear, instead of their own eyes? You keep saying he draws you back in, but you’ve got all the power in the world to say “no”. It’s your choice to have him in your life, or not. That’s on you. If you want this pattern to end? You can end it. Stop f*cking the man. Stop being “friends” with him. Stop trying to date him. He doesn’t want what you want, and you don’t want what he wants, and no matter how much fun you two have together naked, when I big life questions don't matter? The rest of the time, it matters.

Close the muffin shop.
 
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