Relationship Holidays

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
This time I’m blocked. He’s never blocked me. So gaslighted me then told me to give him space then he blocked me.
I hate him. He disgusts me. Such sadistic behavior to upset me every holiday
He could have just left me alone during the holidays. He does this every holiday. He purposefully texted me he doesn’t want to be with me. I wasn’t bothering him. I wasn’t even planning on seeing him for another wk or 2. He texted me to get a reaction. To upset the balance and tip the scale. A reaction he knew he would get since we were together and he didn’t want me dating other ppl. When I was dating he got jealous. So I turned down other ppl to stay with him. And instead of talking to me about it he said leave me alone or I’ll block you. A wk ago he was begging me for my time. He got what he wanted from me then discarded me. It’s not a very nice thing to do to someone who loves you.

That’s not playing the victim... that’s natural consequences. You lost your shit on him, and disrespected his boundaries. You didn’t look like the crazy GF/exGF calling & texting, that’s what you were actually doing.

***

Sufferer to Sufferer / Supporter to Supporter... You need to start owning your shit. Seriously.

- Blow up his phone = Getting blocked is one example.

- Blaming your reactions on him? Is another example.

- I don’t theeeeeenk you’re blaming getting triggered on him? As if it’s his responsibility not to trigger you, or worse, that he “deserves” to suffer the consequences of you getting triggered, & should be miserable if you’re miserable... but girl, you are perilously close to that line of “he triggered me / it’s his fault I’m triggered”. Assuming I’m not wrong, and you’re not just nosed up to the line, but well over.

- But probably the best example?
From what you’ve written it’s been over a year -and maybe even 2- of him saying he doesn’t want a relationship, and can’t be dating, but can be friends or f*ckbuddies. Meanwhile you don’t want to be friends or f*ckbuddies. You don’t want to giggle in bed about the delicious people you’re f*cking or the hilariously bad date last week, nor share sweet moments about someone you’re really starting to care about in the arms of another. You want a boyfriend, in a monogamous relationship, and everything that goes along with that.

The 2 of you don’t just want different things, you want the exact opposite. Sure, sex & friendship are in the middle of that Venn diagram, but you’ve gotta get dressed and plan the day/week/month/year/rest of your life at some point. And that’s the part that doesn’t work. The life part. After you get dressed. And want polar opposite things. You know it doesn’t work. And he knows it doesn’t work.

So WTF is happening after you break up??? Clearly, someone is lying. Telling the other person what they want to hear in order to get them back in your life/bed. Whether it’s you or him? Really doesn’t matter.

If this were early days I could see good intentions / willingness to try it the other person’s way, and that failing. And maybe that was true in the beginning. But it’s not early days, and hasn’t been for awhile now. Both of you know exactly what’s going to happen. He’s going to want to f*ck around, you’re going to freak out; or you’ll want to start planning a life together / doing holidays er cetera, and he’ll freak out ....both of you will be miserable... and you’ll break up.

If you’re the liar? Stop lying to him. Tricking other people into being with you ends badly.

If he’s the liar? Stop believing what you want to hear. Tricking other people into being with them ends badly.

Regardless who is lying, and who is believing what they want to hear, instead of their own eyes? You keep saying he draws you back in, but you’ve got all the power in the world to say “no”. It’s your choice to have him in your life, or not. That’s on you. If you want this pattern to end? You can end it. Stop f*cking the man. Stop being “friends” with him. Stop trying to date him. He doesn’t want what you want, and you don’t want what he wants, and no matter how much fun you two have together naked, when it doesnt? The rest of the time, it matters.

Close the muffin shop.
An avoidance is just the opposite

And he disrespected my boundaries. I was at work when he dropped his bomb on me. It’s not my fault he obsesses over us being monogamous or not. Obsesses over being with other women. I never asked him to be. He brings it up all the time. It’s not my fault he felt obligated to me and it bothered him. Instead of talking about it he says I can’t do this. Then he says it’s not worth “this” meaning my reaction to a conflict he created. There was no conflict before. And he wants to be with me without the title. As long as I don’t react. After we’ve been spending a lot of time together and making future plans. It’s so unbelievably frustrating to be shut out without communication.
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
Why keep going back for more?
This is the first time he ever stonewalled me and blocked me. It’s very mean to do after 2 years together and after speaking daily and just been intimate with. We got along so well. The only time we don’t is when he is manic. We always get along and have fun together. On his terms. Which was ok for me. It was worth the wait when we both were feeling up to being together. I’m devastated. I cry when I think about him blocking me. I normally give him space when he needs space. It just felt like he was picking on me. I wasn’t bothering him. He texted me just to control me and our relationship. He wouldn’t talk or text and blocked me. He didn’t respect my boundaries. He said just enough to get me going. The fact that I was at work when he texted me . He didn’t care that I had stuff going on also with my health and my daughters health.
I’ve been nothing but patient, loving and supportive to him for the last 2 years. You know what he said, no ones ever been this patient before and lasted this long. He rejected me and at a holiday. What kind of person does that? He’s suffering so make me suffer. That must be his mentality. Stonewalling is a form of punishment. How about texting someone just to stonewall. It’s sick. I let him have space. He was looking for an out. And he got one. And you all.... I’m a sufferer as well. Thank you for your support.
 

Lotsoflove

Sponsor
It sounds like you don't like him very much. And you want completely different things in a relationship. I'd move on.
I don’t hate him. I love him. Ive been so patient with him. Now I’m so embarrassed I had no self control. And im still blocked.
idk why he would talk about the future with me. Beg to be with me. Grow closer just to push me away. He said in past I’m frustrated because he is broken. And this is as far as he can go in a relationship. I don’t believe that. He has other healthy relationships in his life. Our relationship wasn’t just about sex. We both care about one another. But he has narcissistic behavior. He has a negative view of all his exes. I thought I was the exception

I don’t like not having control. I guess we are alike in that sense. We both like control . This was a power play. He wanted to weaken me and gain control. He succeeded
 
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