D
Deleted member 37474
2nd session. I guess she needed to know exactly what happened to me, in order to know what we are dealing with for the treatment plan that we hash out next week. Last week I got the empathetic validation that rape on a vunerable 19 year old is horrible. But this week was different. She wanted to know. Without extreme details, I I told her. She asked at what point did you feel it was rape. I think she was expecting me to say that at some point I changed my mind while fooling around or something like that. But that is not how this went down. I never really said "no." As soon as we got in the room, I was just trying to survive. I tried to fight back, was given a choice for less violence, did what I was told . It ended with him turning it around like I wanted it, and telling me that I am essentially trash. So... my therapist says... "this is going to take a lot of hard work." She believes (based on the beginning of my story) that it was a planned attack. I had never thought about it like that before, but it makes sense based on the followup stuff... here is the dilemma. I am now emotionally and physically exhausted. It took me about an hour of talking to my "after therapy friend" to get my head out of the dorm room. And I am confused about my assignment for this week. "Think about what 'life lesson' came from this horrible event". And something about responsibility. I might have to call her to clarify that part. i think she is trying to get me out of a victim mode or see how much blame I give myself. I really don't know because I keep getting stuck back in that stupid dorm room with that a$$hole.
