Givrali
MyPTSD Pro
So I'm not sure if that thing will last more than one day but no reason to not try it
I really want to make a paragraph in my first note in French because it's my native language but I'll translate it just after. Maybe writing in another language could be useful in some way
Que dire de plus que je ne n'ai pas déjà répéter cent fois ? Pourquoi écrire ici serait différent des mille fois où je l'ai dit encore et encore ? Pourrais-je un jour cesser de le dire pour que ça ne m'affecte plus autant ? Mais je n'ai pas lutter si fort si longtemps pour juste abandonner alors allons-y
What can I say I didn't already said hundred times ? Why writing here would be different of the thousand times I said it again and again ? Will I ever stop having to saying it to lesser the effect it has on me ? But I didn't fight so hard so long to just quit so let's go
Day 1
I'm moving in 13 days or more. I hate my current place and wish I never had to go here. My things are almost all packed up and I feel like time doesn't exist anymore. 2 weeks sounds awfully long but so close at the same time.
I found this forum after I went to another-again server on discord. I wish I was dead but I don't want to die right now. I finally got happy to go away from group home. It was about time.
Few days ago I saw my oldest brothers the morning after i got triggered by someone talk about his brother. I got triggered a lot seeing my brother just 10 minutes.
He's still himself. Calm clever practical and seeming remorful. It reminded me that, terrified by letting myself being drive home by him and exposing me to flash-back, I said I'll ask him to help me move when I'll eventually leave my group home.
No Givrali you're not her anymore. Now you can say no. You can not let this happens again. This night you understood you just have to not "meet the conditions" for him to not harm you.
That's sad to put words like it but that's it. Once I stopped meeting the conditions abuse stopped as well. Not my fault but avoiding it is possible and I did it.
My other brother said oldest changed but I wouldn't try my chance even If I didn't developed ptsd.
My best friend seemed to approved my therapist this morning. She's a good judge of character so I'm a bit relaxed.
There were so much to talk about in therapy I couldn't talk about everything. Not important. Leaving is the n°1 priority.
I can't project me in my home. My imagination stops at the d day. I can think about what I want and where but not more. I wish I was dead. Too much feelings and pressure. My outside doesn't show it but even when I smile laughte and have fun with my friends I just want to die.
The sun shines the birds song I want to die.
All casual truths
I'm not sure I'll be able to do the last two housework but my therapist put me sick in occupationnal work so educators won't let it pass so I'll have to do it.
Thinking too much about this two last weeks make me crazy so I should move to another subject.
Today I could rest after my weekly appointment in my therapist. I eat after everyone so late no one was still around the kitchen. But just being cheerful about something made me feel completely drained. I miss seeing my friends.
Had to stop visiting them because it was too exhausting. But soon some of them will be here to help in my new home to put books in shelves and kitchen stuff in... what is this word again ? Well mettre la vaisselle dans les placards.
It's my diary so if I miss a word I'll say it in French. That's it.
I think it's enough for a first entry. So I'll do my best post at least one sentence per day
I really want to make a paragraph in my first note in French because it's my native language but I'll translate it just after. Maybe writing in another language could be useful in some way
Que dire de plus que je ne n'ai pas déjà répéter cent fois ? Pourquoi écrire ici serait différent des mille fois où je l'ai dit encore et encore ? Pourrais-je un jour cesser de le dire pour que ça ne m'affecte plus autant ? Mais je n'ai pas lutter si fort si longtemps pour juste abandonner alors allons-y
What can I say I didn't already said hundred times ? Why writing here would be different of the thousand times I said it again and again ? Will I ever stop having to saying it to lesser the effect it has on me ? But I didn't fight so hard so long to just quit so let's go
Day 1
I'm moving in 13 days or more. I hate my current place and wish I never had to go here. My things are almost all packed up and I feel like time doesn't exist anymore. 2 weeks sounds awfully long but so close at the same time.
I found this forum after I went to another-again server on discord. I wish I was dead but I don't want to die right now. I finally got happy to go away from group home. It was about time.
Few days ago I saw my oldest brothers the morning after i got triggered by someone talk about his brother. I got triggered a lot seeing my brother just 10 minutes.
He's still himself. Calm clever practical and seeming remorful. It reminded me that, terrified by letting myself being drive home by him and exposing me to flash-back, I said I'll ask him to help me move when I'll eventually leave my group home.
No Givrali you're not her anymore. Now you can say no. You can not let this happens again. This night you understood you just have to not "meet the conditions" for him to not harm you.
That's sad to put words like it but that's it. Once I stopped meeting the conditions abuse stopped as well. Not my fault but avoiding it is possible and I did it.
My other brother said oldest changed but I wouldn't try my chance even If I didn't developed ptsd.
My best friend seemed to approved my therapist this morning. She's a good judge of character so I'm a bit relaxed.
There were so much to talk about in therapy I couldn't talk about everything. Not important. Leaving is the n°1 priority.
I can't project me in my home. My imagination stops at the d day. I can think about what I want and where but not more. I wish I was dead. Too much feelings and pressure. My outside doesn't show it but even when I smile laughte and have fun with my friends I just want to die.
The sun shines the birds song I want to die.
All casual truths
I'm not sure I'll be able to do the last two housework but my therapist put me sick in occupationnal work so educators won't let it pass so I'll have to do it.
Thinking too much about this two last weeks make me crazy so I should move to another subject.
Today I could rest after my weekly appointment in my therapist. I eat after everyone so late no one was still around the kitchen. But just being cheerful about something made me feel completely drained. I miss seeing my friends.
Had to stop visiting them because it was too exhausting. But soon some of them will be here to help in my new home to put books in shelves and kitchen stuff in... what is this word again ? Well mettre la vaisselle dans les placards.
It's my diary so if I miss a word I'll say it in French. That's it.
I think it's enough for a first entry. So I'll do my best post at least one sentence per day