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Hopeless

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Mundz

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I haven't posted on here for a while, yet I find myself coming back here for comfort. It kind of feels like I am sat on the edge gazing ahead to where I want to be. Between me and the 'other side' is a deep dark limitless abyss. I feel to make another movement forwards would result in instant oblivion.

I haven't been coping too good lately, I feel so impeded by my own flaws. I am sensitive to a fault and someone at work really upset me yesterday. I was going to hand in my notice due to having to relocate but I was super scared about doing so. To the point where my entire shift felt horrible and dragged.

Some moron made a nasty remark about my partner. He asked me what University I went to and I replied the local one. He then went on to ask how many girls I had f*cked since I had been there. Since I am a happily taken man, I murmured none. He hadn't heard me so went on to say that if he were in my shoes he would have f*cked loads of girls there. He then went on to say, you would unless you have a girlfriend? To which I replied yes. He then asked if she was attractive ("fit") to which I replied yes of course she is my partner so yes she is attractive to me.

He then blindsided me by saying what I meant to say was is she worth cheating on? I saw red when I heard this. However, I felt completely paralysed by my own inadequacy as a male to fight back. I have never been able to.

I don't think my girl deserves me. I can't even defend myself let alone her. Am I bound to end up losing her? It certainly feels that way atm.

I am sick of being at the mercy of others. I feel like a failed male. I wish I knew how to feel less vulnerable and broken. I was born so sensitive to worry for other people but never myself, it feels like a curse rather than a gift...is my entire existence going to revolve around making others happy at my own expense? If so I want off!!!!
 
You sound like a nice guy. The moron sounds like.....well, a moron.

Are you in therapy? It sounds like you could use some help sorting things out. (And, it should be up to your girlfriend to decide whether or not she deserves you. Have you asked her?)
 
Hello @scout86 , thank you for your reply. I am undergoing therapy atm but am on a 8 month waiting list. I have asked her from time to time and she said I am being silly, which makes me feel a little better. I just wish I had a spine. I am sick of being so sensitive, it is really grinding me down.
 
From what I know of your system there, the waiting can be horrible. I wish that was different!

If she says you're being silly, I'd believe her. As far as being sensitive goes, it can be both a good thing and a problem. Most of my favorite people are sensitive. But you also have to be careful not to be too hard on yourself. If you look around on this site, I think you'll find it's pretty common with people who have PTSD to be very self critical. It's more likely a "symptom" than reality. (A good subject to check out might be "cognitive distortions".

Glad to have you here, don't be a stranger!
 
Hi @Mundz.. The guy sounds like an asshole.... And probably is...

I wouldn't let this guy get you...was he a customer?...
I'm sure your girlfriend will tell you the same...
Putting yourself down is probably a learned behaviour from childhood... It does nothing for you... Your self love... Self esteem... It's negative... And just a thought.....

Therapy will help..... So will this place... You have a spine.... Youre facing your problems...do you know how many people don't..
 
@Xena Thank you so much for your message. No this guy works there, thankfully I am quitting my job this week due to personal reasons so I won't be seeing him again.

I think you are right, I have spent my whole life fighting and being put down by others it can become so hard to see the best in myself sometimes. You are right though, I know a lot of people struggle alone every day and I have the strength to seek out help and support which makes me lucky.

Thank you for taking the time to give advice, I really appreciate it :)
 
@Mundz I don't want to trivialize what he said. It was crude and somewhat disrespectful. However it really isn't what I would call a "nasty remark about [your] partner". He doesn't know her. He's never seen her. His disrespect was towards the idea of fidelity, and somewhat towards women in general, not towards you.

So even though you are depressed and ashamed of your inability to speak up, you should at least feel contented that you didn't lose face nor did you allow someone to disrespect your partner. So forget this incident entirely.
 
@PointlessExistence Hey, thank you so much for your response. I agree with you entirely. Now that a few days has passed I feel differently than I did immediately after. I guess the fact of the matter was that I was somewhat overtired and not in the best mood.

I highly value and love my partner and I guess I because I was raised to value the stability of a relationship, for someone to even bring up the idea of cheating kind of shocked me a little but hey not everyone in the world has the same attitudes towards relationships as I do.

I guess it just felt at the time like he was indirectly objectifying my partner in a way. Phrasing her like something that should be disposed of which is what hurt me. However, I admit that I can be insanely sensitive and will now admit that I likely did take it way too personally.

It is an unfortunate side effect of being put down and bullied for so many years. I tend to get bruised and disheartened very easily. In that regards, I think I have a lot of work to do because I think I am quite bitter which is not good at all :(.

I think however you are absolutely right and I highly value your perspective on this situation. I think true strength lies in rising above petty comments and realising that sometimes it isn't about me at all but about peoples' attitudes that can be incompatible with my own and that is totally okay because people are entitled to them whether I agree with them or not :)

Thank you so much for your advice and time, it really got me thinking.
 
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