I haven't posted on here for a while, yet I find myself coming back here for comfort. It kind of feels like I am sat on the edge gazing ahead to where I want to be. Between me and the 'other side' is a deep dark limitless abyss. I feel to make another movement forwards would result in instant oblivion.
I haven't been coping too good lately, I feel so impeded by my own flaws. I am sensitive to a fault and someone at work really upset me yesterday. I was going to hand in my notice due to having to relocate but I was super scared about doing so. To the point where my entire shift felt horrible and dragged.
Some moron made a nasty remark about my partner. He asked me what University I went to and I replied the local one. He then went on to ask how many girls I had f*cked since I had been there. Since I am a happily taken man, I murmured none. He hadn't heard me so went on to say that if he were in my shoes he would have f*cked loads of girls there. He then went on to say, you would unless you have a girlfriend? To which I replied yes. He then asked if she was attractive ("fit") to which I replied yes of course she is my partner so yes she is attractive to me.
He then blindsided me by saying what I meant to say was is she worth cheating on? I saw red when I heard this. However, I felt completely paralysed by my own inadequacy as a male to fight back. I have never been able to.
I don't think my girl deserves me. I can't even defend myself let alone her. Am I bound to end up losing her? It certainly feels that way atm.
I am sick of being at the mercy of others. I feel like a failed male. I wish I knew how to feel less vulnerable and broken. I was born so sensitive to worry for other people but never myself, it feels like a curse rather than a gift...is my entire existence going to revolve around making others happy at my own expense? If so I want off!!!!
I haven't been coping too good lately, I feel so impeded by my own flaws. I am sensitive to a fault and someone at work really upset me yesterday. I was going to hand in my notice due to having to relocate but I was super scared about doing so. To the point where my entire shift felt horrible and dragged.
Some moron made a nasty remark about my partner. He asked me what University I went to and I replied the local one. He then went on to ask how many girls I had f*cked since I had been there. Since I am a happily taken man, I murmured none. He hadn't heard me so went on to say that if he were in my shoes he would have f*cked loads of girls there. He then went on to say, you would unless you have a girlfriend? To which I replied yes. He then asked if she was attractive ("fit") to which I replied yes of course she is my partner so yes she is attractive to me.
He then blindsided me by saying what I meant to say was is she worth cheating on? I saw red when I heard this. However, I felt completely paralysed by my own inadequacy as a male to fight back. I have never been able to.
I don't think my girl deserves me. I can't even defend myself let alone her. Am I bound to end up losing her? It certainly feels that way atm.
I am sick of being at the mercy of others. I feel like a failed male. I wish I knew how to feel less vulnerable and broken. I was born so sensitive to worry for other people but never myself, it feels like a curse rather than a gift...is my entire existence going to revolve around making others happy at my own expense? If so I want off!!!!