Hospital green scissors

Johnm64

New Here
I keep getting the dark thoughts to harm myself but using small green scissors that hospital staff use, I know the reason why these certain scissors are always in my head as I work for the NHS and my PTSD was a result of an incident there affecting me.
I detest these dark thoughts but my safe areas in my head are being blocked by my attackers.
 
I keep getting the dark thoughts to harm myself but using small green scissors that hospital staff use, I know the reason why these certain scissors are always in my head as I work for the NHS and my PTSD was a result of an incident there affecting me.
I detest these dark thoughts but my safe areas in my head are being blocked by my attackers.
I'm so sorry you're having these dark thoughts right now. It must be very difficult still working around areas where your trauma started. The majority of my trauma was also from hospital (as a patient), but I've not had to visit that specific part of the hospital as yet. I hope you know how amazing it is that you 1. still work for the nhs, and 2. are able to recognise and each out for support when these thoughts crop up.
May I ask if you've ever had any therapy to address your trauma and these thoughts specifically?
Sending tons of support to you
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i hope you feel safe to express these dark thoughts here, justme. inside my own psychosis, suppressing those thoughts only gives them room to grow. finding a safe place where i can drag them out of my mental closet gives the healing fresh air room to work.

steadying support while you find what works for you.
 
i hope you feel safe to express these dark thoughts here, justme. inside my own psychosis, suppressing those thoughts only gives them room to grow. finding a safe place where i can drag them out of my mental closet gives the healing fresh air room to work.

steadying support while you find what works for you.
Thank you arfie. The irony of this for me is that I had sought out peer support and private therapy fairly soon after the bulk of the trauma happened, worked my butt off being open and honest about the trauma and my feelings...........7yrs later get told I need ptsd therapy. Talk about head spin! I've only just very recently started the therapy so very new to all this at the moment. I'm still finding it hard to be open about the root of my trauma here for fear of my situation seeming ridiculous in comparison to so many others. I know I shouldn't feel like that, trauma is trauma and shouldn't be compared, but being here has made me realise how much I do still worry about it. I'm working on it x
 

Johnm64

New Here
I'm so sorry you're having these dark thoughts right now. It must be very difficult still working around areas where your trauma started. The majority of my trauma was also from hospital (as a patient), but I've not had to visit that specific part of the hospital as yet. I hope you know how amazing it is that you 1. still work for the nhs, and 2. are able to recognise and each out for support when these thoughts crop up.
May I ask if you've ever had any therapy to address your trauma and these thoughts specifically?
Sending tons of support to you
I had therapy for the trauma which in turn opened up past trauma, so far I'm on waiting list for community treatment team, they are aware to how I'm feeling after initial 1st referral, and also I'm getting on going therapy counselling that although beneficial, the dark thoughts still take over

i hope you feel safe to express these dark thoughts here, justme. inside my own psychosis, suppressing those thoughts only gives them room to grow. finding a safe place where i can drag them out of my mental closet gives the healing fresh air room to work.

steadying support while you find what works for you.
When these thoughts take over my mind sometimes I can get to my safe area before they get extreme, but it's when they block my safety area the dark thoughts take over to much, and losing control.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
worked my butt off being open and honest about the trauma and my feelings...........7yrs later get told I need ptsd therapy. Talk about head spin!

girl, howdy, i know that feeling, all too well. in my own case, i was in therapy for around 25 years before the ptsd dx was even available, but another quarter of a century later, i'm still not CURED? ? ? Where's the panacea that ought to come with a dx that actually makes sense!?!?!?!?!? sigh. . . it is tempting to declare myself hopelessly broken at times, but other times i am able to analogize it as diabetes. it be a lifelong condition, but poking my finger and watching my diet doesn't need to cloud the joys of life. onward through the fog. destination, further. small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.

When these thoughts take over my mind sometimes I can get to my safe area before they get extreme, but it's when they block my safety area the dark thoughts take over to much, and losing control.

ditto here. regaining control is a booger bear, especially when the THEYs in my head start their bullying antics. i head to my live support groups for this battle. when the THEYs are barking, my head is not a safe neighborhood to travel alone. virtual support has yet to work for me for this job. sometimes a body needs a flesh and body shoulder to lean on, complete with vocal tones and facial expressions. the 12 step houses are my personal favorite spots to hang out during these trials. even when the program doesn't fit my baggage car, i find considerable compassion and care there. well? ? ? i did in 2019. i'm not sure what questions to ask to see if they have reopened, much less discover if they have closed the social distances yet. can somebody please explain this new normal to me?
 
I had therapy for the trauma which in turn opened up past trauma, so far I'm on waiting list for community treatment team, they are aware to how I'm feeling after initial 1st referral, and also I'm getting on going therapy counselling that although beneficial, the dark thoughts still take over
I'm kind of just discovering that now, trauma treatment unravelling other trauma that I didn't even realise was trauma. Oh the irony eh! I knew it sucked and was an awful experience, but I guess I didn't realise how much it affected me.
I hate playing the waiting game so so much! Crossing finger the wait isn't too much longer for you to see the community treatment team
 

Johnm64

New Here
I'm kind of just discovering that now, trauma treatment unravelling other trauma that I didn't even realise was trauma. Oh the irony eh! I knew it sucked and was an awful experience, but I guess I didn't realise how much it affected me.
I hate playing the waiting game so so much! Crossing finger the wait isn't too much longer for you to see the community treatment team
They can't even give an estimate time frame just said could be 3 to 6 months or more.
With the trauma treatment I'm still pleased I did it even though it was a tough experience for me and helped me recover my memory of my trauma which I was told may not come back but I wanted closure or so I hoped
 
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